Dazed and Confused

I won't strut the catwalk in these boots . . .

2012-01-27T01:43:00.002-05:00

Winter's here, and I've got boots.

For many years (more than a decade), I couldn't say that. Why? Because I couldn't find any boots I liked. Okay, I'll admit it. My last pair of boots leaked like sieves and I figured I may as well just wear my sneakers and have wet feet anyway. But this year ... I decided to bite the bullet.

I'm no clothes horse. I've had fashionable boots in the past. Not only did they leak, but they hurt my feet. This year, my mother saw a pair of Totes boots she liked at JCPenney, but they didn't have her size, so I ordered them for her online. As it happens, we wear the same size shoe, so when her boots came, I tried them on, and--Whoa--they fit perfectly. Even better, they weren't super expensive. I went straight home and ordered a pair for myself.
What a difference. Unlike my sneakers, they're WARM. So far my feet have stayed dry. I can shovel and not have Popsicle toes. I am a happy camper!

It's true, they are NOT glamorous, but so what? I want warm, dry feet and they deliver. Now to hope they last more than one season without leaking.

Are you a fashion hound when it comes to boots, or do you just want dry feet?
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Surely that's WORTH a giant cookie!

2012-01-25T01:47:00.009-05:00

by guest blogger Janet Bolin

My mystery-writing career began when someone lost a shoe.

I found it.

To the consternation of the woman walking with me, I shoved the shoe into my briefcase and took it home.

The next morning, I took the shoe to work and called my doctor.

Are you still with me? Oh, sorry, that was rather a large . . . um . . . step.

Okay, here’s how the conversation went, sort of.

Me: “Have any of your patients reported losing an orthotic?”
Receptionist: “No.”

Me: “Because I found one. It matches my orthotic.”

Receptionist: “Is it yours?”

Me: “No. The sticker on the bottom of mine says Bolin. The sticker on the bottom of hers is torn, but these are the letters I can read. T-E-N-A.”

Receptionist: “First or last name?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

Silence.

Me: (getting desperate—as anyone who has ever purchased orthotics knows, they are hideously expensive.) “It’s in a blue suede woman’s shoe, size 8M.”

More silence. Then, with a great deal of doubt, “I’ll see if we have any patients matching that.” Click. Dial tone.

My sense of triumph lasted at least an hour. But day after day passed, and I didn’t hear from the doctor’s office. Some poor woman had lost an expensive item, and could be hobbling around on very sore feet. On one very sore foot.

What could have possibly happened to her? Maybe something terrible.

I started to write about a woman setting out to find the owner of a lost shoe. I scribbled and scribbled (actually, I keyed the words, but scribbling sounds much more dramatic) and couldn’t stop.

Finally, I received a call. “I hear you found my shoe.”

Tena showed up at my office to collect her shoe and her expensive orthotic. She brought me a HUGE chocolate chip cookie in the shape of a high-heeled shoe. “The people in my office are calling you the Shoe Goddess,” she said.

Breaking off and gobbling chunks of cookie, the people in my office probably started thinking of me as the Chocolate Chip Cookie Goddess.

We all lived happily ever after.

All of us, that is, except for the woman in my story who lost a shoe . . .

That was my first manuscript, the one that lives in the proverbial drawer. But I was hooked on writing mysteries.

What about you? Did you ever do something strange that propelled you into accomplishing something you’d always wanted to try?
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The first book in Janet Bolin’s Threadville Mystery series is Dire Threads. Visit her website or talk to her on Facebook and/or Twitter. The second book in the series is Threaded for Trouble, arriving in stores June 5, 2012, and is now available for pre-order.

Dire Threads: Amazon ~ Kindle ~ Barnes & Noble / Nook ~ Indigo ~ Books A Million ~ The Book Depository ~ Independent (US) Bookstores

Threaded For Trouble: Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble ~ The Book Depository ~ Books A Million ~ Independent (US) Bookstores

I can now be taken out in public!

2012-01-23T02:05:00.000-05:00

Well, it's about time I spiffed up. I mean, I do have a book signing to go to in a couple off week. (I'll be signing The Walled Flower. If you're in the Rochester, NY area -- maybe you can come and say "HI!")

Now, I hate to dress up, but in the past couple of months, I've invested in several scarves. I have a really pretty purple and gold one (it shimmers), silver, a black-and-white floral. I even have a few knitted ones. (The one I made myself convinced me that my knitting days are over, thank you very little Mr. Carpal Tunnel syndrome.)

But what do I know about wearing them? Well, isn't Google just the best thing around. I found a video to help me out. (Although, come on -- NOT choice No. 3. The woman looks like she's trying out to be the bow on a Valentine's Day gift.)

So far I've successfully worn one of my scarves once. I mean, I went to a party and nobody laughed. In fact, a couple of other women were wearing very nice scarves. I felt like I belonged (and believe me, that doesn't happen very often).

Do you wear scares to spiff up?

Movies I've seen at least 20 times . . .

2012-01-20T02:56:00.002-05:00

Okay, over the years I've had a LOT of favorite movies. And now I have a new one.

Okay, I still have LOTS of favorite movies that I watch depending on my mood. Sometimes I watch Star Trek: The Search For Spock, because if there was ever a story that explores the depths of friendship, that's it. I love Star Trek First Contact because we see Captain Picard pushed to the brink, and yet . . . he's still every bit a hero.

I watch Pollyanna when I have a long and boring task (because it's incredibly LONG) and because Hayley Mills is charming. I also love The Secret Garden. (And I read the book a couple of times every years, too.)

I love White Christmas and hate Betty Haines every time I watch it. But I still watch it. Wayyyyy too many times when Christmas rolls around. (Why didn't she just ask Bob what he was up to? Nooooo, that would have shortened the story by about twenty minutes. But she wouldn't have looked like such a jerk.)

But lately I've been watching Love Actually (when I can tear myself away from my latest manuscript. I admit, I did watch it at least four times in December ... not all that much, really.) It's such a cool movie, with so many different looks at what makes love. People in love. People out of love. People wanting love. Peopel denying themselves of love. And though it's set at Christmastime, it doesn't have to be Christmas to enjoy it. And for most of the people involved, it has a happy ending. (Come on, sometimes you really just want to see happy ending.)

What's your current favorite movie?

2012-01-18T01:26:00.000-05:00

Last week I went to the Lands End Inlet (as opposed to outlet) store. Way cool! I was on a mission: to buy one of their wonderful tote bags. I thought it would be a great way to carry stuff to and fro this summer when we go to the cottage. (Can you tell I'm already counting the days until we can start going down there again?)
So we drove across town and go into the store. I asked one of the clerks where to find them. She said against the wall, but if we didn't mind monogrammed ones, they were on sale.

She wasn't kidding. The monogrammed ones -- I assume ones that were ordered but for some reason never purchased, or perhaps they were monogrammed incorrectly -- were drastically cheaper. As a former vendor in an antiques co-op, it pains me to pay retail for anything, so getting a bargain was a good deal for me.

I picked through the bags (and boy, were there a lot of them) and found the perfect one. It was white with pink accents with a monogram of HCO. Not only that, but there are cool pockets inside, and it zippered shut. Can you say "almost perfect in every way?"

When I went to pay for it, the clerk said I would get an extra 20% off. Even better! As she cashed out my purchase, she asked if I was interested in removing the monogram. I was. So she put in a sheet of instructions on what to do. Ya know what, I actually read the thing for helpful hints!
I got home, borrowed a seam ripper from my mother, took out a pair of fine tweezers and went to work. First, I went after the BIG C in the middle.

Whoa--this was a lot harder than it looked. I had to get out Mr. L's head loupe because the stitches were very tiny and my close-range eyesight has never been all that good. After quite a long time, I managed to pick out all of the letter C. As far as I was concerned, that was enough. Until I realized what the remaining letters spelled.

Can you say "HO!"

NO, I did NOT want to be known as a HO -- but oy! The "O" was pretty easy, but it took forever to pick out that H, which had a lot of curlicues. Afterwards, I followed the instructions, which said to use a little liquid Ivory Snow and gently wash the area with a toothbrush and it would help hide the offending letters. (Lucky I had some on hand.) I did, and it did! Now I have a lovely tote and without someone else's monogram or an offensive term written on it.

What was your last great bargain?

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous this aint!

2012-01-17T03:05:00.001-05:00

Recently one of my ex-co-workers responded to a Facebook post where I talked about the upcoming release of The Walled Flower. (okay, can you blame me? It's one of my favorite topics right about now.) In it she said, "I know somebody famous."

Wait a minute. Me, famous?

No, no, no.

I'm not even a celebrity (and when you consider that people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian get to be celebrities by appearing in sex videos -- no thanks, that's not the life I'm looking for).

Let's face it, even in my Lorna Barrett persona (my best known name), I couldn't walk into a Starbucks in Rochester, NY and get a free cup of Joe by pulling the fame card. "Who?" they say, squinting at me and taking in my faded jeans (they got that way by years of wear, not by paying an exorbitant price. And besides, I don't drink coffee.)

I've always heard it's better to be rich than famous. I think that must be true, but about now, I'm wondering how to get to the rich part.

And if I was rich, what would I do with all that money?

Well, first off, I'd get a brand spanking new kitchen. I have a TINY kitchen (and worry that future prospective buyers will bolt when they find out it's so tiny there's no room for even a bistro table and chairs), but I don't even want granite counters, and stainless steel appliances. Nope, just some new counters (Formica is fine with me) and reface the cabinets. Oh, and replace the slippery-when-wet ceramic tile with one that has a little texture.

A new car. Not a Caddy or even a BMW ... nope. A Town and County minivan with stow-and-go seats. Don't even need extra BRDs (beverage restraint devices) because I use both hands to drive (and, as mentioned above, I don't drink coffee).

I could give more money to charity if I had more to spare. My favorite charities are: Crackerbox Palace farm animal rescue (a lot of people see farm animals as expendible. Well, I don't. They deserve a long and happy life just like cats and dogs), The Wayne County Humane Society (I'd give to the one in my own county, only they are well funded--Wayne County has a lot of poverty, and not enough $$$ to spay and neuter, etc.) and St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital (although I'd feel a lot more comfortable giving them more money if they laid off sending stuff out like stickers and calendars and stuff and just used the money I send to CURE KIDS OF CANCER!!!!!). I'd also give more to my local Food Pantry.

Okay, I MIGHT buy a few bracelets and earrings, and a couple of 1950s Christmas figurines that cost more than a buck each (my garage sale limit). But other than that . . . .

What would you buy if you had unlimited funds?

Has the golden age of personal web sites passed?

2012-01-16T06:25:00.002-05:00

I have counters on the index (home) pages of my web sites (and even on this blog). That way I can see how many people come to visit on a daily/weekly basis.

It's no surprise that my Lorna web site gets the most hits, and it's pretty steady. (That's unique visitors.) I sure wish it was more, but I'll take what I can get.

Unfortunately, my other two personas don't get those kinds of hits. It's discouraging to me, because I've been shouting from any rooftop I can find that I'm writing under three names. Lorraine's site is doing eh-okay. L.L.'s site ... you don't want to know. This pie chart isn't accurate, but it's not too far off, either.

This is rather discouraging. Especially since Lorraine has a new book coming out Februray 7th.

I put my web site address on all my promotional material. I list them in the acknowledgments in all my books. I would expect that more people would seek the sites out.

Do you think the golden age of web sites is over? What do you like to see in an author's website?

(Just in case you want to visit my websites to compare them, you can find them by clicking my various names: Lorna ~ Lorraine ~ L.L. )
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Oh, how I hate winter ... how about you?

2012-01-13T08:17:00.002-05:00

Here in Western NY, we've been enjoying November for the past three months. I'm sure other parts of the Northeast have, too. It's been great. I mean, I can't remember such a wonderful winter. A winter with virtually no snow.

Last year was the pits. It seemed like it snowed every day. I was out there with my roof rake just about every day, and snowblowing the top of the driveway, too. (We have an "L" shaped driveway.) Over the summer, we had our landscaping redone. Weeeee! Suddenly without all that overgrown stuff lining the drive, the plowman can get in and plow the L-shaped top of the drive. But oddly enough ... he's only had to do it once this season.

Until today.

Winter has suddenly reappeared. BAH! Humbug.

I was quite prepared to go straight through until May with November weather and now ... it's all been ruined.
I'm sure that a few weeks from now Punxsutawney Phil pops out of his hole on February 2nd, you just KNOW he's going to way SIX MORE WEEKS OF WINTER. I'm just afraid he'll say TWELVE more weeks of winter because we've skirted the issue for so long.

How's winter been where you live?

The PO just loves me ... NOT!

2012-01-12T04:03:00.003-05:00

Guess what? I can't get 32 cent stamps.

Why is that such a big deal?

Because I want to mail my postcards for The Walled Flower out AFTER the postage goes up next week. But guess what? They won't sell the new stamps UNTIL the postage goes up. That wouldn't give me much time to stick the stamps on over 2500 postcards.

And why am I waiting to send the postcards until AFTER the postage goes up? Wouldn't it be cheapter to do it now?

Yup. By $75 . . . except . . . it's expecting a LOT to ask people to remember HERE'S MY NEW BOOK, BUT YOU CAN'T GET IT FOR THREE WEEKS. Nope, it's better to send the cards out about a week before publication. (Although some stores do jump the gun and offer the book for sale ahead of the publication date -- which screws up my changes of hitting the New York Times bestseller list ... but in the long run it's sales, not the timing of them, that really count.)

So, the bad news is I have had to buy my stamps at the current rate (and my local PO ran out of the 29 cent herb stamps and I had to resort to some polar bear stamps), PLUS either 3 cent or 4 cent stamps to bring the postage up to the new rate. Can you say "TAKES TWICE AS LONG?"

*Sigh*

I'm not liking the P.O. much these days. (They could at least consult ME before they change rates, and the timing of such, right?)

Anyway, keep a watch out -- a postcard just might be making its way to you in the next week or so.
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And the alternative to taxes is ...?

2012-01-11T01:06:00.001-05:00

Ugh ... if you work for yourself (and most authors without day jobs do), you have to pay your quarterly taxes in time for January 15th.

Today's the day!

Um ... it's very painful. Mind you, I anticipated the coming of this day and put some money aside in a special account just for that reason. It has a WHOPPING 0.25% interest. Let's see, how many millions of years would it take me to become a millionaire on the interest? 100? 200? Oh, no -- that can't happen ... because I'm writing that quarter check that takes the money away from me and gives it to the government. The one that doesn't have enough money to fix the roads or bridges, but can give Congressmen exorbitant raises and free health care for life. (The pain of writing my quarterly health care check came two weeks ago.) And mind you, self-employed people are screwed royally. We don't have an employer paying half our FICA taxes -- the whole shebang is on our shoulders.

They say there's nothing as certain as death and taxes. I guess I'd rather pay than face the alternative.

And guess what -- the next check must be paid in April. Yikes. I'm looking forward to spring, but not April 15th. How about you?
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The most precious gift

2012-01-10T01:34:00.000-05:00

Well, the tree and ornaments are packed away for another year. The stockings likewise. The holiday music is back in the drawer (taking up most of it, I might add), and Mr. L has breathed a sigh of relief for another 11 months.

Santa was very good to me this year. Mr. L gave me a Kindle Fire (which I will blog more about later) and a bunch of other swell stuff, but the gift that meant the most to me was this one ... in a frame.

This picture of our sister act was taken only a few months before we lost our dear sweet Bonnie (left). Unwrapping this made me cry, but only because I miss her so. Bonnie wasn't smiling, but maybe that's because she already didn't feel well. (We'll never know.)

What was your favorite Christmas or Hanukkah gift?
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They call my name . . . and I am weak . . .

2012-01-09T03:44:00.001-05:00

Can you believe it? Here we are in the second week of January and there is STILL holiday food hanging around and taunting me?

Okay, so it isn't really holiday food.

No candy canes.

No cut-out cookies (they're long gone).

No fruitcake. (Okay, we didn't have any of that -- and I wouldn't have eaten it anyway ... just sayin'.)

But we got several gift baskets of yummy things that have delicious things. Like cheese. Crackers. CHOCOLATE COVERED COOKIES!!!

The easiest way to resist them is NOT to open them. Okay, got that. But do these goodies have to come with a voice?

"Come here. I'm delicous. Eat me!"

I feel like Alice in Wonderland, only I won't get smaller if I eat them, and that's been the goal.

Do you still have holiday treats hanging around?
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Not quite up to Elizabeth Taylor's standards, but . . .

2012-01-06T03:13:00.006-05:00

Why is it all of a sudden I'm going ga-ga for jewelry? I find myself looking at it wherever I go ... and in those catalogs I mentioned yesterday.

I want necklaces.

Bracelets.

Earrings.

Anklets.

Rings.

Eyebrow studs. (No, wait. Erase that.)

And I never go anywhere to wear the stuff. Yup, most nights it's me in front of the stereo reading or in front of the DVD player watching Star Trek: Voyager. (Gotta love Captain Janeway! And notice ... she doesn't wear jewelry.)

I considered buying this "sisters in heart" pin for myself and two of my best buds for Christmas. But then the shipping was astronomical and I found out that though the pin looks BIG in the catalogs (and online) it was teeny weeny if you read the fine print (only 1.25 inches high).

Guess who didn't get the pins for Christmas. (Besides, one of my pals told me that "only old ladies wear pins." Should I be afraid to wear a pin now for fear of being branded OLDE? (and yes, I put that added "e" on there deliberately. <g>)

The best way NOT to buy something like jewelry is to NOT look at it in stores and online.

Can you say "new New Year's resolution?"
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2012-01-05T02:33:00.001-05:00

I did a lot of my holiday shopping online. I also bought a bunch of clothes this fall ... again, online. Only now I'm being flooded with catalogs!

At first it was fun getting all these wonderful catalogs and perusing the pages to see if there was anything I wanted, or anything I wanted to give as a gift.

But then I finished my holiday shopping.

I figured once the holidays were over I'd stop getting so many. Uh-uh. I'm still geting one or two a WEEK from every one of these outfits.

STOP ALREADY!!!!

Here's a place to do it: Catalog Choice.
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A daily dose of cupcakes

2012-01-04T03:22:00.001-05:00

Okay, my New year's Resolution (besides exercise) is to lose some weight.

Uh-oh!

What did I choose for a calendar for 2012?

Not such a wise choice. Twelve months of luscious, GORGEOUS cupcakes.

What's the theme of your new calendar(s)?

(P.S. I have a cat calendar for the kitchen.)
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January's cold -- read some hot new mysteries!

2012-01-03T02:13:00.002-05:00

Hey, it's the first Tuesday of the month -- ya know what that means?

New books from my publisher, and darned if four of my friends don't have new releases this month! The first two are from my Cozy Chicks blog sisters:

Plan Bee
by Hannah Reed (aka Deb Baker)
Moraine, Wisconsin's annual Harmony Festival is anything but harmonious for Story Fischer, as a dead body makes an uninvited appearance in the parade-and the person who may be responsible for putting it there starts dating Story's mother...

Amazon ~ Kindle
Barnes & Noble ~ Nook
Independent Booksellers

It Takes a Witch
by Heather Blake (aka Heather Webber)
Darcy Merriweather has just discovered she hails from a long line of Wishcrafters-witches with the power to cast spells by making a wish. She's come to Enchanted Village to learn her trade but finds herself in the middle of a murder investigation...

Amazon ~ Kindle
Barnes & Noble ~ Nook
Independent Booksellers

Affairs of Steak
by Julie Hyzy
White House chef Olivia Paras and her arch nemesis, White House Sensitivity Director Peter Everett Sargeant, must work together to solve the double murder of one of the First Lady's assistants and the Chief of Staff-before they become the next victims of a merciless assassin with a secret agenda.

Amazon ~ Kindle
Barnes & Noble ~ Nook
Independent Booksellers

An Appetite for Murder
by Lucy Burdette
Hayley Snow's life always revolved around food. But when she applies to be a food critic for a Key West style magazine, she discovers that her new boss would be Kristen Faulkner-the woman Hayley caught in bed with her boyfriend! Hayley thinks things are as bad as they can get-until the police pull her in as a suspect in Kristen's murder. Kristen was killed by a poisoned key lime pie. Now Hayley must find out who used meringue to murder before she takes all the blame.

Amazon ~ Kindle
Barnes & Noble ~ Nook
Independent Booksellers

Give them a try -- you won't be sorry!
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Doesn't everybody love having a backed-up sink?

2012-01-02T05:40:00.007-05:00

We have been without a disposal in our sink since mid-December. Mind you, we weren't using it before then because it wouldn't turn off. It would run and run and you'd have to hit the thing with the big orange flashlight that lives under the sink.

The thing is ... when you're used to a disposal you tend to let stuff go down the sink. Mind you, I hardly ever use the thing. I chop up kitchen waste for my (not very efficient) composter. (We're on year two and still have no appreciable compost. Don't ask me where the stuff goes.) Anyway, Mr. L uses it and mostly uneaten cat food goes down it.

Well, one day the water wouldn't go down and the cleaning ladies were on their way. Nothing to do but start the thing up. And boy did that water go down fast. I got out the flashlight and whacked the disposal to make it stop.

AND NOTHING HAPPENED!

It ran and ran and no matter how many times (or how hard) I hit it, it ran and ran. The reset button was useless. Nothing to do but let it burn itself out -- which it did after about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, Mr. Orange Tupperware Strainer has been living in our sink. We strain off everythig so it doesn't go down the big hole that is Mr. Kitchenaid Disposal.

Mr. L had to order a new Mr. Kitchenaid Disposal. And darnitall--wouldn't you know the warranty had run out a few months before it died? (It was 7 years old ... or was it 8?)

Anyway, today new Mr. Kitchenaid Disposal will be installed. YAY! Let the food waste go bye-bye!

What kitchen appliance have you waited far too long to be installed?
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2012-01-01T00:48:00.001-05:00

And because I NEED to consume more calories . . .

2011-12-26T04:36:00.003-05:00

I love chocolate covered pretzels. The only problem is ... if you buy them, you HAVE TO EAT THE WHOLE BAG. Now, I'm trying to lose weight -- not so easy to do during the holidays. So ... I decided to make just a few.

I already had a jar of mini pretzel rods. I found a little liqueur glass in the cupboard (now, where did it and its brothers come from?) which was just the right size for dipping.

Next, I filled it with chocolate chips and melted them in the microwave. (About 45 seconds.)

Next, I dipped the pretzels in the glass and rolled them in non-pareils.

A bit messy. I ended up getting out my frosting knife and smearing the pretzels with chocolate and then sprinkling them with the non-pareeils. But in the end, they looked just fine.

They were YUMMY -- and not too many to ruin the old diet (especially since I shared them).

An easy-to-make holiday treat.

Have you ever made them? (Would you?)

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T06:30:00.000-05:00

And a Joyous Leon to you, too!

2011-12-24T12:00:00.001-05:00

Not too many years ago, it was (country) chick (oops chic) to spell things out with children's building blocks. And what better season thant at Christmastime. Always a slave to trends, I was suckered in.

But for some reason, the blocks have always ended up like this.

Even our (late) cat Bon-Bon would get into the act playing with blocks. (We miss her so.)

Hey, look what my dear friend Leann Sweeney sent me for Christmas. Aren't they beautiful? (Fred already tried to eat them.)

We're having impossible sausage-onions-green-pepper-mushrooms pie for supper tonight. (After we hoist a glass and eat our roasted (in the oven not over an open fire) chestnuts.)

What are you doing for Christmas Eve?
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And all for 99 cents!!!

2011-12-23T07:36:00.004-05:00

Have you heard about Backlist eBooks? It's a website, it's a group of authors who've been traditionally published *in may different genres) and now have self-published their backlists (originally published by Big (and some small) New York publishing houses). And they're having a sale!

To celebrate the holidays, many of the authors at Backlist eBooks are offering one or more of their books for 99 cents. I'm one of them! For a limited time, I'm offering the first Jeff Resnick book (Murder On The Mind) for just 99¢ on both Kindle and Nook.

I'm also offering my cookbook, Recipes To Die For, for the same 99¢ price.

(Some other e retailers will be offering the books for the same price ... but not for long.)
The sale continues today through January 8th, then we're back to the full price on our books.

Why are we doing this?

A lot of Kindles and Nooks will be opened on Christmas Day, or during the 8 days of Hanukkah. We're talking MILLIONS of e readers. We hope that many of these Kindle recipients will give our books a try. And for readers who already have e readers -- what a great way to nab lots of great books by proven authors?

You can access the sale page at the Backlist eBooks website. You can view each author's offerings, or view by genre. But please do have a look. You might find a lot of new-to-you authors and a lot of great books.

Happy Reading!

I can no longer multitask -- how about you?

2011-12-19T07:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, what I want to know is this: How did I ever accomplish ANYTHING when I had a 40 hour a week job?

When I was working full time, I also had a booth in an antiques arcade. I also wrote. At Christmastime I shopped for elevendy-million people for Christmas, sent out over 100 Christmas cards, and baked up a storm, and managed to keep up with everything else in the house (like cleaning and laundry)
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Now? Not so much.

I mean, here we are less than a week from Christmas and I'm desperately trying to fit in time to actually do my job, which is write. Okay, the ENTIRE weekend was taken up (and so was a big chunk of last week) getting ready to promote The Walled Flower (which comes out on Feb. 7th for those of you who are counting the days). I've got the library and bookseller postcards and bookmark packages FINISHED. I've rebuilt half my mailing list (that Word ate THREE TIMES in September), ran Christmas errands, shopped for stuff like groceries, and did two loads of laundry.

Today is shot. There are errands that MUST be run, people coming to clean and fix stuff around here, and more laundry has to happen. The rest of the week will be eaten up by getting ready for Sunday. (Baking, cleaning, wrapping, shopping, etc.)
All I can say is, I'd better catch up on the writing in the next couple of weeks. The good thing: I really like what I've written so far, which is always a plus.

Are you struggling to get ready for the holidays?

The wrapping paper is almost as important

2011-12-16T06:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I received a lovely gift from a friend. Oooh! I love receiving lovely gifts from friends. It came in a plain brown box, but inside was a lovely white box tied with a red ribbon. You can't tell by the picture, but the paper was textured and there was a card taped under the ribbon.

I had lots of fun opening my gift and admiring it. But what I didn't at first notice was how much fun the wrapping paper was for three very nosy cats.

First Chester had to investigate, trying to dig a hole through the paper. (He likes to do that on boxes, and in bed at night, too.) Then Fred had to investigate what "the black cat did." (Fred is the quintessential "copy cat." Whatever Chester does, Fred has to do, too. The box the gift came in was fully investigated, too.)

But it was our little princess Betsy who had the most fun.

Betsy sat on the paper -- in at least a dozen poses. She sniffed it. She peeked over the top. She batted her paw at it. She sat on it. She enjoyed it.

Therefore, this present was more than just a gift to me, it was the gift of fun for my cats.

You can't ask for better than that!

Do your pets get in the act when it comes to (wrapping and) unwrapping gifts?
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In which I plug my Christmas stories . . .

2011-12-13T07:13:00.002-05:00

Did I mention that my editor asked me why I don't write a "winter" Booktown Mystery? Because I don't live in New Hampshire. I can't knowledgeably write about winter in a state where I've I've never been during that season. I mean, I could fake it, but from what I hear, southern NH doesn't get half the snow we get here in Western New York. (And Tricia doesn't live near the mountains, so she isn't going skiing any time soon.)

Okay, so I'm writing about ALMOST winter in New Hampshire by setting the 7th book in November. Of course, they probably will schedule it for summer. My friend Ellery Adams is lamenting the fact that her latest book, THE LAST WORD (which is wonderful, by the way), set at the beach (hence, a beach read), has just come out in December. Go figure! What were the schedulers thinking?

But I HAVE written two SHORT STORIES (and let me be clear that they are SHORT STORIES, NOT NOVELS -- because some readers have given me terrible Amazon reviews because they DIDN'T READ THE PRODUCT DESCRIPTION and were disappointed that they got a SHORT STORY instead of a novel. Again I repeat, Go Figure!) that are set at Christmastime.

We're So Sorry Uncle Albert is about a family that finds their stingy Uncle Albert, who's been mooching off of the family for years, is actually quite wealthy. Naturally the family isn't all that happy and decide that Uncle Albert has overstayed his worldly welcome. And they plot to get rid of him. It's a jolly holiday all right! It's only available as an e book. You can find it at these links.

Bah! Humbug is a different kettle of fish. It's a Jeff Resnick short that immediately follows the novel CHEATED BY DEATH (as in the very next day). Jeff and Maggie have Christmas dinner with her family, but Jeff isn't all that welcome at the dinner table, and even Maggie is puzzled as to why. If readers go on to the 4th book in the series (and I sure as heck hope they do), this story sets up one of the subplots. You can find it at these links.

Okay, and now for a question. Do you think readers would rather buy ALL my short stories in one ebook collection, even the romancy ones, for a discounted price, or wait until I have more mystery-oriented short stories and then do an anthology? (And that could take a while because I don't crank out short stories very quickly. When The Spirit Moves You, my latest (Jeff Resnick) short story, took me over a year to write.) I'd be very interested to know what you think.

And if you do buy/read the above-listed stories, and like them, I hope you'll think about writing a review. I'd sure like to see the stories judged for what they ARE and NOT what they AREN'T.

Thanks!
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Hontest, I DON'T have a split personality

2011-12-12T07:59:00.000-05:00

My next Victoria Square Mystery, THE WALLED FLOWER, will be out in less than two months. It's time for me to get on the promotion bandwagon and start shouting out the news. And yet, as I do this, I wonder if it's worth the effort.

I will send out bookmarks to independent bookstores. I will send postcards to readers. I'm thinking about sending postcards to libraries.

I love this book. I think it's a really good book. I think it's got a nice cover.

And I believe that at least 50% of Lorna Barrett's readers have no clue that Lorraine Bartlett and Lorna Barrett are the same author.

Why do I think this?

Because I don't get a lot of hits on my Lorna Website. The readers who do go there don't dig deep to find my Alter Ego page. (Which I just destroyed and am in the process of rebuilding ... sigh ....)

My publisher isn't going to spend any money, time or effort to get the word out. I've tried unsuccessfully for the past three years to get the word out with limited success.

It's been said the best form of advertising is word of mouth. So I'm asking my reader to PLEASE help me get the word out. How can you do that? If you've enjoyed my books, tell other people about them. It's as simple as that.

Will you help me?

(Thank you!)
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19 stories from proven authors--all for 99¢

2011-12-08T07:00:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned before that I'm a member of Backlist eBooks. It's a group of traditionally published authors who've congregated to publish their "backlist" of books (book that were published by big or small publishers and the rights have reverted to the authors) as well as new short stories and/or novels. The genres are many -- and there's a drop-down menu on the left hand side of the website that will let you explore their members' offerings by author name and links to look by genre. (Cozy Mystery readers will find authors they know: Julie Hyzy, J.B. Stanley, Deb Baker, Tim Myers, etc.)

The world of Indie Publishing is kind of like the wild west in the 1800s. Just about anybody who's got a computer can publish a book these days and charge what they want. The authors of Backlist eBooks are proven writers, many of them award-winning and/or New York Times and USA Today bestsellers. They've paid their dues, and they know how to tell a ripping good story--and almost always for a lot less than NY publishers are offering.

(Of course, the BEST way to see if you would like ANY e book, no matter what the price it so TRY THE FREE SAMPLE that just about ALL ebook sellers offer. That way you will know before you buy if you like the author and then won't feel compelled to return the book if you don't like it.)

And now Backlist eBooks has published an anthology of 19 of its members to give readers a chance to test ride authors and genres that might be new to them.

Tales From The Backlist is now available at the introductory price of 99¢.

Such a deal!

And guess what? One of my stories is in there, too. It's Cold Case, the Jeff Resnick short story that inspired the 4th book in the series, Bound By Suggestion. Normally Cold Case is sold for 99¢ -- but if you buy Tales From The Backlist, you get it AND another 18 stories for the very same price.

Such a deal, indeed!

This link will take you to the Backlist Ebooks site where you can buy Tales From The Backlist from the various ebooksellers that carry it. But this offer will only be good through December and then the book goes back to it's normal price of $3.99.

I hope you'll give Tales From The Backlist a try.
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P.S. If you don't have an e reader, you can download the book to your computer, smart phone, blackberry, tablet, etc.
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If you haven't yet read this series ... what are you waiting for???

2011-12-06T07:10:00.005-05:00

I've been looking forward to today for a long time ... since March, actually. What makes today so special?

THE LAST WORD, by Ellery Adams, is officially out (and it's already waiting for me on my Kindle). It's the third book in her Books By The Bay Mysteries.

Yeah, yeah, she's my friend and works on my book trailers --- yada yada yada --- but she also happens to be a gifted author (I am awed by her power of description), and I love this series. Maybe because it's about a group of people from different walks of life critiquing their writing. Maybe because the woman who started the group has a a beautiful standard poodle she loves with all her heart. Maybe because this same woman has a dark past and is afraid to trust, but has a heart as big as the ocean she lives on.

Book #1, A Killer Plot: In the small coastal town of Oyster Bay, North Carolina, you'll find plenty of characters, ne'er-do-wells, and even a few celebs trying to duck the paparazzi. But when murder joins this curious community, the Bayside Book Writers are there to get the story... Olivia Limoges is the subject of constant gossip. Ever since she came back to town-a return as mysterious as her departure-Olivia has kept to herself, her dog, and her unfinished novel. With a little cajoling from the eminently charming writer Camden Ford, she agrees to join the Bayside Book Writers, break her writer's block, and even make a few friends... But when townspeople start turning up dead with haiku poems left by the bodies, anyone with a flair for language is suddenly suspect. And it's up to Olivia to catch the killer before she meets her own surprise ending.

Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble

Book #2: A Deadly Cliche: While walking her poodle, Olivia Limoges discovers a dead body buried in the sand. Could it be connected to the bizarre burglaries plaguing Oyster Bay, North Carolina? At every crime scene, the thieves set up odd tableaus: a stick of butter with a knife through it, dolls with silver spoons in their mouths, a deck of cards with a missing queen. Olivia realizes each setup represents a cliché. And who better to decode the cliché clues than her Bayside Book Writers group?

Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble

Book #3: The Last Word: Olivia Limoges and the Bayside Book Writers are excited about Oyster Bay's newest resident: bestselling novelist Nick Plumley, who's come to work on his next book. But when Olivia stops by Plumley's rental she finds that he's been strangled to death. Her instincts tell her that something from the past came back to haunt him, but she never expects that the investigation could spell doom for one of her dearest friends...

Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble

This is a crucial time for the series. While Ellery has already written a 4th book, it's up in the air if the publisher will go for a 5th. It all depends on sales. Do me a favor; if you love cozy mysteries and you haven't read/bought this series yet ...DO IT. You will not be disappointed.

Selfishly, I hope Ellery will be writing about Olivia and Captain Haviland for many years to come.

I hope you feel the same way, too.

If Suspense Magazine says so ... it's gotta be true, right?

2011-12-05T08:43:00.002-05:00

I got my issue of Suspense Magazine the other day ... and guess what? I'm featured in it!

A CRAFTY KILLING was deemed one of the best novels of 2011.

To say I'm thrilled is putting it mildly. I'm ecstatic! This novel has a special place in my heart. It was a Malice Domestic finalist that sat on the shelf for way too long a time. It was only because the Booktown Mysteries did so well that it sold, for it had been rejected by everybody -- not because of the writing, but because it was set in an antiques arcade. All I had to do was change the venue and BINGO! It sold.

I've watched the sales and am sad to say they don't come anywhere near the Booktown sales. That's because nobody knows who Lorraine Bartlett is. I'm hoping the mention in Suspense Magazine will help that. Because now I'm thinking about the sequel, THE WALLED FLOWER, which will be out in two months. (And right now two months seems like a l-o-n-g time from now, but I know before I know it, it'll be summer again, and then fall and winter and ... holy smoke! Where does the time go?)

Anyway, it feels really good for my work to be acknowledged by one of the mystery magazines. (If you get the magazine, it's in the December issue, Page 32.)

Pet Peeve Thursday: We don't carry that

2011-12-01T06:55:00.000-05:00

A lot of stores lament the fact that people come in, check out their merchandise, and then go online to buy (and usually cheaper). A lot of stores are going out of business because of this.

I'll tell you why.

I need tall jeans. I can't buy them in the stores. At least not tall jeans that aren't low-riding. I can only buy them online.

I recently tried to buy a pair of sneakers at a local store.
"Sorry, we don't carry your size." Why? Because it was wide?

At another store, I tried to buy a pair of winter boots. "Sorry, we don't carry that size." (Again with the wide. Must be all those years of going barefoot and wearing flip flops.

I had to go online to buy all three items. (Of course, in the last two instances, I just went to their own websites.)

I know it's expensive to carry one (or more) of everything, but if a store won't carry what I (or anyone else needs) is it any wonder they're going out of business like crazy?
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And the fabulous prizes go to ....

2011-11-30T07:08:00.002-05:00

The Jeff Resnick "win a shot glass" contest is now over. And the winners are:

Kris Bullock
Julie Daubert
Peggy Lee
Nancy Roessner

Two other readers left reviews on Amazon, but did not contact me with their mailing information.

Thanks for the wonderful reviews. Your prizes will be in the mail today!

I'm not just goofing off . . .

2011-11-29T07:14:00.001-05:00

Where the heck have I been lately? I used to be a very good girl and post every weekday. Lately ... I've missed a few days here and there, and that makes me feel like I did in school when I didn't do my homework.

The truth is, times are tough. I mean ... emotionally speaking. I keep forgetting that not everyone who reads this blog also reads my weekly (Saturday) post on the Cozy Chicks. I sometimes save my big news for that post because, quite frankly, more people read that blog than this one.

I had a roller coaster couple of weeks when one of our cats got sick and ... died. I've been in a terrible place because of losing our dear sweet Bonnie. (And you can read about her on Saturday's Cozy Chick post.)

The holiday (stressful) season has started. At least this year I have no house guests. (One brick off my shoulder.) It's also Craft Show season. As usual, I'm doing three this year ... and every year it gets harder. I need to make a decision. Do I keep doing these shows (which are a bear to prepare for and a bear to do--involving 6+ hours of standing on one's feet) or is it time to stop?

I have writing deadlines. This is a constant. I also have writing projects I'd love to be working on but can't because my time is limited.

And last of all ... it seems I've developed a couple of health (and yet more teeth) issues that need to be addressed. My hope is that they can be controlled with meds ... but I'm just in the discovery phase (which is also the TERRIFYING phase). The thing is ... how can you have health issues if you're not feeling lousy? Go figure. Still, it's stressful.

So please forgive me if I miss a few days on the blog here and there.
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LAST DAY TO ENTER THE JEFF RESNICK SHOT GLASS GIVE-AWAY. Winners will be announced tomorrow.

A holiday special!

2011-11-25T03:33:00.003-05:00

It's black Friday -- a day when commerce expects you to rush out and spend money.

I don't know about you, but I gave up the Black Friday rush years ago. In fact, I only did it one time and ended up spending more time waiting in check-out lines than actually shopping. : (

Then I worked in retail for 12 years. I found that more exciting than shopping. Of course, I was working for myself then. As a vendor at a crafts and antiques arcade (not unlike that found in my Victoria Square Mysteries), it was a thrill to see items from my own booth come through the checkout lines. The holiday season was the only time of year it was worth being in business, making the other 48 weeks of the the year a time to sweat to see if I'd made my rent.

Although I'm no longer involved in retail, I do have products to sell. My books. And since it's the holiday season, I'm going to offer my readers a chance to try a couple of my books for only 99¢. You can find them at Smashwords in any e reader format (and they're DRM free). Just click the links below:

Recipes to Die For: A Victoria Square Cookbook
(a $2 savings)

Murder On The Mind (Jeff Resnick Mystery #1)
(a $3 savings)

Are you lamenting the fact you don't have an e reader? No worries, you can download the books to your computer and read them there or move them to your smart phone, iPad, or other electronic device.

If you like them, I hope you'll consider reviewing them on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Smashwords, Goodreads, Chapters ... etc.

Happy shopping!

From me to you . . . .

2011-11-24T03:51:00.001-05:00

Time to bruise the old credit card

2011-11-18T07:30:00.000-05:00

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? I have. I actually have two presents sitting on my shelf, and I ordered another online yesterday. And I bought a couple of the cutest little gift card boxes for a buck at Michael's the other day.

In the olden days, I had a LOT of people on my shopping list. I used to love to go ply the malls and look at everything, and drive around and enjoyed the bustle of people, lights, music, and everything else that goes with the holidays. These days ... not so much. And I find myself shopping earlier and earlier each year just so I DON'T have to go to the mall and search for something I'm not going to find anyway.

The truth is, I'll probably order a few more things online and that'll be it. Heck, three people on my list only want gift cards, and I can buy them at the grocery store. (It seems rather silly, really, exchanging gift cards, doesn't it? I prefer presents, and it's usually only Mr. L who actually buys me anything.)

Have you started your shopping?

The emails that will never come

2011-11-17T06:15:00.006-05:00

I'm feeling grumpy today, and maybe it's the two-hour dental appointment I've got later today ... and maybe it's because I didn't get a thank you.

Make that I didn't get THREE thank yous.

I recently participated in a campaign by two well-known blogs. Every guest author wrote two blog posts and were required to give away at least one book on each blog. When asked to participate, I was in a generous mood so I agreed to give away four books. Three e books and one print book.

The campaign came and went and there were a lot of people vying for my contributions. That was good right? Last week I heard from the blog owner, who gave me the name of the winners. I immediately wrote to the three winners of the e books and told them how to obtain their prizes. One of them claimed her e book within five minutes of receiving the email. Another within half an hour. The third took two days.
I'm still waiting to hear from them with their heartfelt thanks.

(Do you hear the sound of crickets in the background?)

This is not the first time I've given away books, but it will be the last.

I will still guest on blogs that invite me. I'll still hold contests with prizes. (I'm running one now for a Jeff Resnick shot glass and a goodby bag of bookmarks. See Tuesday's post.) But I will not be giving away books via contests any more.

And I won't give away advance review copies to anyone who doesn't have a track record of writing reviews. (That's why they call them advance REVIEW copies.)

It's a shame that a few people have ruined it for everyone else.
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The shots are on Jeff

2011-11-15T06:27:00.000-05:00

Do you collect shot glasses? Do you use shot glasses? Well, it just so happens I've got a bunch of Jeff Resnick Mysteries shot glasses. (After all, he is a bartender.)

How can you get one? All you have to do is post a review of my latest Jeff Resnick short story WHEN THE SPIRIT MOVES YOU on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com, or Goodreads.

But wait, there's more!

For everyone who writes a review, I'll also toss in a goody bag filled with bookmarks, postcards, and/or buttons of some of your favorite cozy mystery authors. (More than 25 pieces in each goody bag!)

How can you miss?

Where can you find the story?

Kindle ~ Nook ~ Smashwords

Uh-oh ... you don't have an e reader? No problem. You can download a PDF version of the story from Smashwords and read it on your computer, your iPad, and just about any other such electronic device. It's easy!

And did I mention this novelette (over 12,000 words) is only 99¢?

If you'd like a shot at the shot glass ... just email me and tell me where to find your review. (Remember to close up the spaces.) LLB @ LLBartlett.com

Hurry -- this offer is only good until November 29.

Recipes To Die For -- A Video!

2011-11-14T07:01:00.001-05:00

Years ago I had stars in my eyes and went to Hollywood. Okay, Santa Monica ... close enough. I worked for a movie studio (20th Century Fox) in their Script Department. I wanted to learn to churn out scripts and make it big.

The only problem was, I soon learned that once you write and sell a script, it's no longer yours. They can do anything they damn well please with your work and it won't resemble your original idea in the least.
Besides that, LA is a HUGE, impersonal, lonely place. I didn't last long there and except for the first couple of weeks after leaving, I haven't regretted my decision to return to Western NY. (And I've never been back . . . although I have been to northern California. Very nice!)

Things have changed. Now you can make your own movies on your computer. Well, I can't. (I probably could if I had the patience to learn how.) But my friend Ellery Adams can! Over the weekend, we finished our third collaboration. A book trailer for Recipes to Die For: A Victoria Square Cookbook.

I came up with the pictures and the script. Ellery tweaked the script (she's marvelous that way), put the pictures together, with the text, and picked out two different soundtracks. I chose the jazz piano one because I really like piano music. (Wish I could've learned to sight read . . . )

Anyway, here's the finished product.

So, do you like it?

BTW, RECIPES TO DIE FOR is available in print and for all ebook formats.
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Ghosties anyone?

2011-11-11T07:34:00.000-05:00

And so there's a new Jeff Resnick story (novelette ... the thing kept getting longer and longer) available today. It's called WHEN THE SPIRIT MOVES YOU. It takes place a couple of months after Dead In Red ... and a couple of months before Cheated By Death.

Here's the blurb:

Jeff Resnick's curiosity is piqued when he sees a sign advertising psychic readings. At first he's sure the medium is a fake, but then his funny feelings lead him to suspect that a murder has taken place in the dilapidated house where Madam Zahara holds her readings. Just who died and how? And why is Jeff compelled to look for bodies buried in the medium’s yard?
It's available from:

Kindle

Nook

Smashwords (all e book formats)

I hope you'll like this latest story in the series . . . and if you do, I hope you'll take a few moments to tag and review it on the various review sites. (Of course if you don't like it ... NEVER MIND!)
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Another Word For Slob

2011-11-10T06:22:00.002-05:00

We joke around that our cats are so messy that they're not cats, they're pigs. (Oddly enough, the cats don't laugh at this.)

But the other day I saw a real life pig, and it didn't have four legs.

I was sitting at a stoplight and a bus pulled up at a stop. Three teenagers got off. They were in the 13-15 year old range, two boys, one girl. The girl reached into her pockets, pulled out a bunch of candy wrappers, and threw them on the ground. Then she and her friends crossed (I should say ambled across) the street AGAINST THE LIGHT, causing those of us who had already waited an entire cycle to wait for them.

Were these kids brought up in a barn? Didn't anyone ever teach them that littering IS A CRIME. That crossing against the light CAN GET YOU KILLED?

But it was the littering that really made me angry.

There's one stretch of highway (Route 104) that looks like part of a third world coutnry because so many people toss their trash out their car windows.

Sometimes I'm really ashamed of my home town and especially some of the people who live here.

Time to change?

2011-11-09T06:15:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I have a hard time getting used to time changes. (Good thing I don't travel a lot, eh?)

This spring forward/fall back stuff screws up my body clock something fierce. Getting used to it in a day just doesn't happen for me. Maybe a week and I'll be used to it. But meanwhile the little clock inside me is telling me to ignore the one on the wall. GET UP or GO TO BED--NOW! Or "You're eating too early!" or "You're eating too late!"

The cats are confused, too. In the morning they glare at me as if to say, "We showed up the bowls on time. Where the heck have you been?"

I wish we could just do away with the whole thing. But then I guess the sun would be up at 4 am during the summer months, and who wants that, either?

Have you gotten used to the time change?
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This is what I call pre-planning!

2011-11-08T06:50:00.002-05:00

The other day Mr. L invited me to go to the local nursery.

"What for?" I asked.

"To get spring bulbs."

Hot dog!

This is what I hope to see in late March or early April.

Okay, we've had a lovely (unseasonably warm) fall, but I know winter is right around the corner. I don't think it's too soon to starting thinking about spring. Do you?
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Tricia Decks Those Halls . . .

2011-11-07T06:32:00.003-05:00

I'm now hard at work on the next Booktown Mystery (and making good progress, I might add). If you read my Cozy Chicks blog post on Saturday, you know I've been creeping into Christmas by playing holiday music. What's this got to do with Booktown #7? (Gonna have to run a contest pretty soon to get a real title. But more on that later.)

Back in May, I had lunch with my editor who asked me why I didn't write about winter in Stoneham. The answer is simple, because I don't live in Southern New Hampshire and I don't KNOW what winter in New Hampshire is like. He thought I could probably fake it.

Well, I'm not writing about winter, but I am currently writing about November in New Hampshire. And what do retailers do in November? They ramp up for Christmas holiday shopping. Even in little stores like Haven't Got a Clue.

So what is Tricia doing in this story? Decorating with the help of her staff . . . and hopefully it'll be funny.

What's fun for me about this is she's decorating her store with some of my own decorations. Think of her front window with a few of these little cuties.

Vintage ornaments in a store that sells vintage mysteries. But that's not the only kind of vintage decorations going up at Haven't Got a Clue. And she's being aided by a woman who would willingly wear this kind of Christmas apparel.

Oh yes, I'm having fun with this one.

What's the first thing you put up in the way of holiday decorations?
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When Did Common Courtesy Become Uncommon?

2011-11-03T06:24:00.003-04:00

Last week I got an email from someone who wanted to sell jewelry at my holiday bazaar.

Um...I don't HAVE a holiday bazaar. I am, however, participating in three of them (and if you're in the Rochester area you can check them out. I've got them listed on my website(s) under Events).

Nowhere in the note was there a nicety like, "could you give me some information (PLEASE)," or "thank you for your trouble." Nope, just "call me at this number."

I emailed her the information I had. I got a note back saying, "the telephone number for this person doesn't work." Not, "could you recheck the number or give me another one?" or "Thank you for your trouble."

Nope. Nothing. I thought twice about answering, but did anyway. (My parents brought ME up right.) And did I hear back from her saying "thank you for your help?"

Nope.

As it happens, it's probably too late for her to rent booth space (I rented mine back in the summer and I've been on their lists for years). She's not selling hand-crafted jewelry, either, so it's not likely they're going to let her in the shows anyway.

But you know -- a please and a thank would would have been nice. After all, these shows are holiday bazaars and aren't we supposed to be nicer to each other during the holidays?

Common courtesy seems to be foreign to most people these days.

More's the pity.

Does anyone REALLY care about Kim Kardashian?

2011-11-02T07:27:00.000-04:00

Every week Mr. L opens USA Today and announces who is the hottest celebrity of the previous week. I'm usually preoccupied feeding the cats or making coffee during this tremendous announcement and could care less. But apparently there are a LOT of people who DO care.

More often than not, the top celebrity (on the celebrity heat index) is Kim Kardashian.

Now here is a woman who rocketed to fame (notoriety?) because of ... (trumpets blare) a sex video.

Why does the world care, not only about her--but her sisters, her brother, her mother, and her stepfather? Why is she plastered on the cover of every tabloid and gossip magazine cover?

Why did the world tune in to her (probably fabricated) wedding? Why do people care that she and her new mate called it quits after 72 days?

It seems to me all she does is look for ways to expand her "brand" and rake in the dough.

What has this woman done to better mankind (or, more importantly, womankind)?

Why do people care about this woman? Why do they want to know everything about her?

(BTW, I couldn't pick her out of a lineup ... that's how out of her sphere of influence I am. I went to Google images to find her picture.)

I don't understand the allure. And you know what? I don't want to.

That's just me. How about you?
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Don't eat too much candy!

2011-10-31T06:22:00.000-04:00

You won't go broke at the Farmers market

2011-10-28T08:14:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had to go to the dentist. The news was NOT good. I've been stalling on yet TWO MORE CROWNS (one is to replace an old leaky one) for three years now and can't put it off any longer. (Wahhhhh!)

So what do I do to celebrate the loss of a ton of money? I go to the local Farmers Market.
Let me tell you, it was COLD. I was only there for about 15 minutes and I froze. I can't imagine what those poor farmers feel like at the end of a long day of selling veggies. And quite a few of them have given up for the season, for there weren't half as many vendors. Still, the brave few that were there sold enough to empty my wallet.

I bought leeks and potatoes. Guess what I'm having for lunch today? Leek and potato soup. (And you can find the recipe for it here on my website.)

I bought two acorn squashes and one butternut squash (they were on special: 3 for $2).

I bought Brussels sprouts on the stalk. Can you say roasted in olive oil with a little fresh ground pepper?

I bought a lovely (and huge--the size of a bowling ball) cabbage for $1. We're going to make our own version of cabbage rolls (with the same thing we stuff green peppers. Yum-EEEEE).

Last night we had the most delicious cauliflower. I made enough for my mom, and there's still enough for a bunch more meals.

We are going to be eating our veggies for the next week.
The grocery store charges by the pound. The Farmers Market charges by the item (and usually less than what the grocery store is selling it per pound.) The market will be open this year until November 19th. Can you say "Thank Goodness For My Chest Freezer?"

What did you get at the market?
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Witnessing a new low when grocery shopping

2011-10-27T07:47:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I went grocery shopping . . . and saw a man in his PJs and robe.

YES--his PJs AND ROBE. He was returning his empty pop and beer cans ... probably so he could buy more pop and beer.

This was at about 11 a.m., too.

And this guy wasn't a teen or college student. He was in his late 40s or early 50s.

What is wrong with people?

Heck, I don't even go shopping in shorts.

Have you ever seen those Walmart shopper pictures? (He didn't look anywhere near as good looking as the guy above, either. He looked ... scruffy. Hadn't shaved, etc.)

This guy was a candidate to join those shoppers.

What weirdness have you seen at the grocery store?
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A shopping I must go

2011-10-26T08:14:00.005-04:00

Do you put things off? I really need to do some serious shopping. First of all, I need cat food. We buy from the pet store because it's (a teensy bit) cheaper than the grocery store. So we usually buy it by the case. We're talking 15-20 cases at a time. (And I'm the lucky one who gets to schlep it to the basement because I have two real--not replaced--knees.)

I need a new door handle for the pantry door. That's a trip to Home Depot.

I need some new socks. Haven't figured out where I'll go for them.

I need a new flash drive. Lost the other one. That's a trip to Staples. (Which is right next to Home Depot. Hmm...)

I need a bunch of other stuff, too. But I just can't seem to get myself OUT of the house and shopping. What a pain. Get in car. Drive. Park. Get out of car. Go in store. Don't find what I'm looking for. Get back in car. Drive somewhere else. Get out of car. Go in store. Don't find what I'm looking for. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Maybe that's why I do so much shopping online these days.

A few years ago, our grocery store chain did have online shopping. I think they were ahead of the curve. Nobody used it so they discontinued it.

Today is grocery shopping/errand day. By the time I get back (lunchtime), I won't want to go out for another week -- and then it will be grocery shopping/errand day again.

Do you like to shop?

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P.S. I'm guesting today on two different blogs: Lori's Reading Corner and Crazy For Books. (They're giving away copies of Recipes to Die For and Murder On The Mind!)

Flip the switch and get warm

2011-10-25T07:34:00.000-04:00

If you live in the Northeast you know . . . IT'S GETTING COLD!

It's actually been heat season for about a month now, that is, we've turned on the big furnace. (Which ran most of the summer running the air conditioning. I hate that. I feel trapped in the house. It's as bad as being stuck here in winter.)

Anyway, my office is on the opposite end of the house from the furnace. That means my office is COLD. In it winter, it sometimes gets down to 50 at night (when we turn down the furnace to 65). That's a bit chilly to when you have to try to be creative.

Several years ago Mr. L bought me an Edenpure heater. (Yeah, the kind that Bob Villa sells on TV.) This little baby does a great job, if a bit slowly (for me at least). On really cold mornings, it takes about 4-5 hours before the room gets up to a toasty 70. (Okay, 70 really isn't toasty to me ... but others in the house seem okay with that temp.)

This little guy gets quite a workout from October until late March. And then we take it to the cottage in April, because it gets downright cold. (The cottage isn't winterized.) We might end up using it until late May. And then it gets revved up again in September. (It's not the only form of heat we have there, but it is certainly appreciated.)

The little guy is chugging along behind me as I type this. I figure the room will be warm in another hour or so. Then ... let the creative juices flow ... because it'll finally be warm enough.

Do you use an auxiliary form of heat in your house?
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I've Been Hacked!

2011-10-21T07:18:00.000-04:00

If you've ever communicated with me -- you might get some kind of inappropriate email with my return address. Why?

I've been hacked!

I've changed my password in hopes that fixes things ... but ...

In the meantime, my apologies for the inconvenience.

Like Jerry Seinfeld says, "it's got a taint!"

2011-10-20T06:33:00.001-04:00

More than a month ago, I ordered a book from Hoffman Media called Scones & Tea. Yes, it's by the people who put out Teatime and Victoria Magazines. Now, I've ordered stuff from them before and never had to wait more than a couple of weeks to get it. This one ... took 6 weeks.

When I opened the package, I noticed there was a bill inside and a note that said I had ordered via check and underpaid. No, no, no. I ordered right from their email and paid via my credit card. Now, truth be told, I don't remember if the shipping was free or not, but since I've ordered from them before (and since) and there was never a shipping fee before, I assumed the shipping was included in the $19.99 price.

Nope. Now they want $4.

I sent them a note telling them that I did NOT order by check and that I believed the shipping was free. Guess what--it wasn't Hoffman media that answered my email. It was some fulfillment house. (Probably they're the ones who sat on my order for 6 weeks.) Make no mistake, they want that four bucks, and there was no "Dear Customer," no apology for whatever misunderstanding that may have happened, no explanation, no nothing--just a statement that says I owe and I need to pay it ASAP.

This is NOT good customer service, and not what I expected from a company that prides itself on Southern hospitality. First of all, they should have acknowledged that I didn't pay by check. They should also have given me some explanation as to why when ordering by credit card the shipping was NOT included. They did neither. "PAY UP SISTER" was their message.

It's too bad I really enjoy these magazines, or I could just ignore them and never order another thing from them again. But I still want to read those magazines.

I tried to call and was on hold so long that I was in danger of using up my cell phone minutes for the month. (Which is why I ended up emailing.) But I'm not happy about this situation. Would I have paid an extra $4 for this book had I known the cost was $4 more? Maybe -- maybe not. But having to pay extra after you've already received the book? Not amusing.

And I haven't even opened the book. Now, to quote Seinfield, "it's got a taint."

Have you ever had an experience like this before? If so, what did you do?

I'm a one-woman cleaning machine

2011-10-18T07:39:00.001-04:00

We're having company! Company coming means one thing to me: CLEANING.

Did I ever mention how much I loathe house cleaning?

Yesterday I did the BIG loads of laundry. Our greasy hairy cats love to sleep on the guest bed. That means stripping the very cute (white vintage) chenille spread and the pillow shams. I decided to go even deeper and washed the mattress cover, too. This time I was smart, once everything was nice and clean, I covered the whole bed with an old sheet. This way when our guest arrives today it'll be nice and fresh -- and no (black) cat hair.

I washed all the towels. I washed all the dining room place mats (I have a lot, so I can save them up for weeks and do one big load). I even washed all the throw rugs.

I tidied the kitchen. I tidied my office (it needed it). I tidied the living room. I'll tidy the living room today (why do our cats scatter all their toys but refuse to play with them?) and vacuum. (Our baby suck (small shop vac) bit the dust yesterday. I tried to fix it, but it's lost the will to live.)

Our guest will only be here two days, but our house should be clean and shining and inviting. And then later this week we can go back to real life.

How do you prepare for a guest?
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Why can't I find any pants in my size?

2011-10-13T06:43:00.000-04:00

I've got an "occasion" coming up and I decided to go online to try to buy some new pants. Guess what. There are no pants in my size with a high waist. They cannot be bought for ANY PRICE.

I have been buying my jeans from JCPenny for at least the last 15 years. Why? Because they sell to tall women. Okay, I'm not all that tall (5' 7"), but I do happen to have long legs. I need pants that are at LEAST 31 inches. Guess what? The average length is 29 1/2 inches. So what's an inch and a half, right? Well, it might as well be 6 inches in the winter when your pants are far above your ankle.

But now that Penny's has gone out of the catalog business--there went my source for pants that actually fit. (I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS, JCP!!!)

But even if I can find pants that are long enough, I can't find them with a high waist. Someone my size does NOT look good in hip-hugger jeans. Every week I go shopping and see heavyset women in low-riding pants with rolls of excess flesh hanging over the top. That's not a look I want.

Before I could find tall jeans, my Mom used to add a length of denim to the bottoms of my pants. This was not an elegant solution, and you can't do that with dress pants.

I have searched the web and can't find any pants I can wear.

Don't tell me to wear a dress -- I gave that up years ago because I couldn't find anything flattering. (It doesn't help that I don't know how to pick clothes.)

I may have to go to this party in my yoga pants.

Are you hard to fit? If so, where do you buy your clothes?

Bargain priced--Jeff Resnick Mysteries Volume 2

2011-10-12T06:50:00.006-04:00

At least one person expressed interest in the ebook second volume of the Jeff Resnick Mysteries.

Yes! It's now available--two books for the incredible price of $5.98.

You can find it for/at:

Kindle

Nook

Smashwords (for all e formats)

(Coming soon to Sony E Reader, Kobo, Diesel, and iTunes.)

Yup, that's the entire crop

2011-10-11T06:54:00.000-04:00

For the past few weeks we've been drowning in tomatoes and green beans. Not a bad was to go, eh?
Friday I realized I had forgotten about my potato crop.

The potatoes had a rough summer. Mr. Groundhog kept eating them down to about the 2-inch level. Then one day, he said, "I've had enough potato leaves" and went out to the farm to destroy a large part of their eggplant crop.

So, the potatoes soldiered on. They never had flowers and I figured we'd never get any potatoes, so I more or less forgot about them. Until Friday.

By Friday, most of the leaves had shriveled up. I looked around the weed-strewn patch and thought, "I'll never find them." But, I dug where I thought they might be and sure enough I found them. Aren't they cute? We had some (with parsley from the yard) the other night. Yum yum!

To all my Canadian friends and relatives

2011-10-10T08:54:00.001-04:00

What a fabulous cover!

2011-10-07T07:36:00.000-04:00

Marketing is everything. It is. Which is why I sent my character Katie Bonner (from the Victoria Square Mysteries) to grad school to get a degree in it. She was determined to do a fabulous job of marketing her B&B, The English Ivy Inn ... of course, she never got to own the old Victorian House where she'd hoped to open her business ... and that's the first book. (A Crafty Killing.)

But I'm talking about ME marketing my work. And one of the things I decided to do was offer the first two Jeff Resnick Books as a 2 fer. Buy both books in one package and you save $2.

Look at the detail on this fantastic cover. Isn't it wonderful? (Done by the fabulous Pat Ryan Graphics.)

It's currently available from Kindle and Smashwords. (Nook always takes their time about these things. But Smashwords sells all e formats, so everyone is still covered.) And the cost for these two books? $5.98 -- that's less than one paperback! Such a deal!

As soon as I get my butt in gear, I'll be offering the other two books in the series as a 2 fer, as well. (I already have the cover for that box set, too, and it's just as fabulous.)

COMING SOON: A Jeff Resnick contest.
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Where are all the pretty leaves?

2011-10-05T07:04:00.002-04:00

On of the most depressing things about the changing seasons is the light -- or lack thereof -- in the mornings.

In the spring, the sun comes up waaaaaay too early. Do I really need birds chirping outside my window and the sky getting lighter before 5 am?

But now, it's just the opposite. Do I really want it to be pitch black out at 6:30 am (and even later come December)?

This is usually the pretty time of year. When the leaves turn yellow, gold, red, and orange. Only too many of our maples have blight this year (too much rain and then not enough) and so the leaves are turning brown on the trees and just falling off. (Even our pin oak is dropping leaves like crazy and usually it doesn't do that until November.)

Is fall happening differnt in your area, too?
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BTW, did you miss my last newsletter? If so, you can find it here: http://p0.vresp.com/hqTemM
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My weapon of choice . . .

2011-10-04T06:55:00.000-04:00

No sooner have I turned in one book (yesterday), when it's time to start the next.

Right now, I only know what several of the subplots will be. (That's because I'm writing an arc for the characters that won't be finalized until at least book #9.)

Still, I need to turn in a synopsis this week. YIKES!

As of now I don't know who is killed, with what, or why. Some day that will all be clear, but in the meantime . . .

Over the summer I purchased an old telephone similar to the one I describe in the Booktown Mysteries. You may remember that I blogged about it back in August. (And you can read about it here.)

A couple of weeks ago, I went to a big community sale and found the following solid brass letter openers. I knew I had to have them, and I knew one of them would eventually find its way into one of my books (and one of my characters).

Now the problem is ... which one do I use for this next book?

Anybody got any strong feelings one way or another?
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With my polishing rag in hand . . .

2011-09-29T07:20:00.002-04:00

The book is done. YEA! But now I need to polish it before I send it to my editor on Monday.

Hopefully, I'll be back on Monday (or Tuesday).

See you then!

Green Beans For Me!

2011-09-26T07:14:00.001-04:00

Oh, how I lamented the loss of half of my bean crop. Mr. Bunny (Groundhog ... whatever) ate HALF of my beans. Nipped them right at ground level, ate a couple of leaves, and left the rest of the plant to die on the poles. Mr. Bunny got dispatched to the Police Academy (thanks to Animal Control) and the rest of my bean crop was safe.

And boy, as a memorial to their eaten brothers, have these guys gone into overproduction. We're up to our eyebrows in beans. But then, I always overplant because I expect Mr. Bunny's relatives to eat at least some of them.

It's been very difficult to pick the bean crop. Hurricane Irene didn't bring any rain our way, but we sure got a LOT of wind and it blew over not only the bean poles, but the tomato cages, too. Everything's a mish-mash and it's hard to get in and find the beans. But Friday we picked half a grocery bag of them because there's no way we could eat them all now. And thus began the job of freezing them.

Since it's been so hard to pick the beans (there's a fence to contend with, plus we're trying to grow new grass on the other side of it), a lot of them are far too big and tough to eat. No problem! We've had problems getting seeds for the variety of beans we prefer. And, in fact, most of this year's crop was from seeds I collected two and three years ago. They came up just like clockwork. The pile of beans on the right are just some of the ones I'm drying for next year's seed crop.

After blanching, they went into the ice bath (which in this case happens to be the top of my Tupperware cake tote).

By the time we'd sorted through the beans, we got six bags to freeze. I estimate we'll have at least that much to do today, too.

Yeah, we could buy a bag of frozen beans for $1.99 that would probably last us for 2-3 meals, but this is so much more satisfying. I guess only another gardener would understand.

What have you frozen or canned from your veggie garden this year?
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By the way, today I'm guest blogging on my friend Dru-Ann Love's blog, Dru's Book Musings about my new cookbook, RECIPES TO DIE FOR. I hope you'll come by to see what Katie Bonner has to say about the book.
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On Amazon at Last!

2011-09-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

And the print edition of RECIPES TO DIE FOR is finally available on Amazon. Whew! Thought they were going to sit on it forever!

You can find it here!

Recipes To Die For a reality at last!

2011-09-22T09:52:00.001-04:00

The other day, I got my proof copy of RECIPES TO DIE FOR: A Victoria Square Cookbook. My first reaction was: Gosh, it's cute! First of all, the cover pops right out at you. I love the logo my cover designer made--which sort of reminds me of the covers on the Booktown Mysteries. But I also love the noose hanging from my name, too.

Although it's a paperback, it's not a mass-market paperback (the size of the novels--this one is bigger...trade size). One of the complaints I get about the paperbacks is that the type size is too small. Fear not, this is readable.

But what makes this cookbook special? (And believe me it is NOT a mystery. It's a companion piece to the Victoria Square Mystery series.) The book starts out by introducing quite a few of the characters from the series and giving the reader information that isn't included in the books. Katie's introduction tells how she came to live with her beloved great aunt Lizzie, and her love of baking. But you'll find out (hopefully) interesting facts about people like Luther Collier, who owns the local funeral parlor, and vendors Liz and Gwen, who have a much greater presence in the third book than the first two. But Ida Mitchell, the tag room manager, contributes a couple of her favorite recipes, too.

And the print book differs from the e book because it has graphics. (I wonder if you can guess what recipe this graphic represents?)

I had a lot of decisions to make about the pricing of the book. One thing I wanted to do was keep the cost down. Hey, these are tough times, but the distribution options weren't as attractive as I would have hoped. In order to make the book available to many retail organizations, the MINIMUM I had to charge was $6.99. (I may yet have to charge that, but for the now the book costs $5.99.) Even then, I would make only 17 cents per copy sold.

Therefore, I've chosen to only make it available from My e Store (via the publisher) and on Amazon. I know--a lot of people don't like Amazon, but selling it on the Barnes & Noble site means I'd only make that same 17 cents a copy, and let's face it ... the author should make more than 17 cents a copy on a book sold.

The book went live just last night My E Store, where it can now be ordered (and where I'll get the highest royalty). By next week it should show up on Amazon. I'll let you know when that happens. But for now, if you'd like to order a print copy of the book, you can find it here.

It's also available as an e book from: Kindle ~ Nook ~ Smashwords (which has can be downloaded for all e formats).

I hope you'll give Recipes To Die For a chance!
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Kate & Will's Kiss . . .

2011-09-21T07:22:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago, when I visited Niagara On The Lake, I visited my favorite shop--The Scottish Loft. There they stock all things Scottish (and a bunch of them say "If it isn't Scottish, it's CRAP!"). I stocked up on English candy (love those travel sweets) and one more thing.

I have quite a collection of Royal Family memorabilia. This was just my latest addition. I had been hoping to find one in bone china but this was it. (I did see a William and Kate cake plate, but it was something like a hundred bucks, and it only had writing, no picture, so I passed it by.)

Here's my entire Will and Kate collection to date:

What have you added lately to one of your collections?
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I know it's autumn because . . .

2011-09-20T07:27:00.004-04:00

Okay, to be technical--fall doesn't arrive until Friday, but it officially arrives for me today. Why?
The pool gets closed.

Why does that make me sad when I haven't gone swimming in the thing for at least five years? Because the pool uncovered is a beautiful thing. Especially this year because we paid to have it cleaned every other week. It sparkles. But when it's closed, it's ugly. It's a blunt reminder that SUMMER IS OVER and we're going TO FREEZE FOR MONTHS ON END.

I hate pool closing.

But . . . the seasons must change. It's time to think about other things. We'll soon be going down to our basement pub in the evenings. It's got the world's most comfortable couch, a bar, tons of books and magazines to read, music, TV--it's like a 2nd living room. (Okay, we already have three other living rooms, but it's my favorite one.)

What event marks the end of summer for you?
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BTW, RECIPES TO DIE FOR: A Victoria Square Cookbook is now available for Nook. Will have an update on the print version in the next couple of days.
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Recipes To Die For is now available ... sort of

2011-09-19T06:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, when I said I was shooting for October 1st, I had no idea things would come together so fast for my Victoria Square cookbook, Recipes to Die For.

Well, not exactly. Amazon uploaded the book in less than six hours, which has to be a record. Smashwords is always fast, but then you wait for a long time to see if you make it to the Premium Catalog (which means they distribute it to places like Sony, Kobo, Diesel and Apple. Still waiting on that.) As I write this, I'm still waiting for Barnes & Noble to upload it for Nook. The last time I uploaded to them, it took three weeks. I nagged and nagged, but they weren't going to put that story up until they were good and ready, I guess.

The print version could be ready as soon as next week.

I decided to do a print version because so many of my readers have said they don't have e readers and don't plan on getting them, either. The only problem is, the price tag is higher than I would have liked. And I decided NOT to make the book available to libraries and other bookstores simply because I would lose 23 cents for every book sold. I just can't afford to do that. So, the price tag is $5.99, which still seems high to me, but it was the cheapest I could make it and not lose money.

So, if you'd like to purchase the book right now, it's available on Kindle and (for all e formats) Smashwords. I'll let you know when the print version is available.

I hope you'll like getting to know not only Katie Bonner better, but her vendors and friends on Victoria Square. And ... maybe try a recipe or two while you're at it.

Thank you!
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Steaming mad at my bank!

2011-09-15T06:30:00.001-04:00

My husband and I both have credit cards with the same bank. We pay our bills separately. I pay mine online. He pays his by check. I look at my statement every month to ferret out the business expenses and make sure that those expenses come out of my promotion bank account.

For some reason, I didn't notice that $678 was deducted as a 2nd payment in June. Guess what? The bank told my husband he never made his June payment. Guess how much it was?

Mind you. We have totally separate accounts. We don't even share the same last name. So why was his payment credited to my account? The teller at the bank didn't actually pull up my husband's account to pay the bill. Instead, she read the account number off the check (a joint account, but my account) and simply clicked open the Visa account, applying his payment to my bill. Meanwhile, Visa has been dunning my husband and adding on interest. (We only figured out how this happened yesterday.)
Of course I'm steaming mad because now Visa wants that $678 from me that was deducted as a payment in June. And guess what -- they STILL have not credited my husband's account with that $678 payment.

Meanwhile, the bank has been telling us, "It's all Visa's fault, not ours." I've been dealing with this bank for over 30 years. They're usually wonderful, but this teller was simply lazy and it has caused us all kinds of grief.

Have you ever had such a problem?
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And I Didn't Pay For Shipping!

2011-09-14T06:32:00.001-04:00

Way back in 2008, I blogged about how I wanted a GT Express 101 counter top cooker thingy. (And if you missed that post, you can read it here.) It was being sold on an infomercial for $40 (for two) with an astronomical shipping price. Suffice to say, I didn't buy it. I figured I probably couldn't use two of them and didn't have anyone to give the second one to.

I must've watched that infomercial at least 100 times. I could practically recite along with the hostess Cathy Mitchell and her pal Joe, who cooked all kinds of omelets, cakes (with bite-size Snicker bars in the middle), enchiladas, cornbread, and all kinds of neat stuff -- in ten minutes or less!

Boy, I really wanted one . . . but I got over it and moved on.

Earlier this summer, I saw a used one at a yard sale, but it didn't have the recipe book. I came back a second time and looked at it longingly . . . but decided that at $3 and no recipe book, it wasn't going to come home with me.

And then ... last weekend I saw another one, BRAND NEW IN THE BOX for $5. You never saw anyone peel off five bucks as fast in your whole life. It had everything, the little flipper-overer, a bottle to measure pancake batter, and best of all, the recipe book full of 101 recipes. Woo-hoo!

It was with great anticipation that I fired that baby up. Since the infomercial touted it as great for using up small quantities of leftovers, that's where I started. I beat a couple of eggs, tossed in some leftover parsley potatoes and a half a slice of Swiss cheese to make my very first omelet.

The booklet said it would take 7 minutes to cook. I peeked halfway and shook my head. It was going to take a LOT longer. But then the 7 minutes was up (I used my handy dandy kitchen timer) and gosh darnit if that little omelet wasn't done to a turn. Of course, then it was time to get that baby out of the GT express 101. The flipper overer looks like it should be easy to use, but it felt awkward in my hand. I had to use my left hand to get the omelet out of the left hand side of the cooker.

Was this omelet any better than I could have made in my omelet pan? Probably not. Was it easier to use? Yes, because I didn't have to stand there and baby it. Did it taste better? I would've tasted a lot better if I'd cooked it in a big gob of butter, but they tell you NOT to add more than cooking spray, and therefore you get healthier food.

Was it everything they advertised? I'd say yes. Of course, I've only used it once, but I have a feeling I'll use it again. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. Will I ever use it for anything other than an omelet? That's debatable. But it is easier to clean than my omelet pan, so ... what the heck.

Have you ever used an AS SEEN ON TV product that worked?

Recipes to die for?

2011-09-13T06:42:00.000-04:00

When I told my sister-in-law I was writing a cookbook, she laughed. "You? Cooking? Telling other people how to cook?"

Now, wait a minute, I never said I couldn't cook, I just prefer NOT to, although I've always enjoyed baking. (And hey, since someone else was willing to do most of the cooking, I didn't object.) Since I started writing the Booktown Mysteries (and one of the main characters is really into food and cooking), I've done a lot more cooking--and a lot of experimentation in the kitchen. I've even successfully reproduced (or a reasonable facsimile) recipes of food that I've eaten in restaurants, something I wouldn't even have contemplated a few years back.

So, this summer I decided to write a cookbook for my Victoria Square characters. And what we have is: RECIPES TO DIE FOR.

This was my "play piece." As I've mentioned before, we had a rough beginning to the summer. (Beginning as in early April and plowing through mid-July.) Having a play piece was fun--an escape. It also didn't hurt that I was writing a novel with the same characters at the very same time. I got to explore their lives, where they came from, and express it through the recipes they contributed to the Victoria Square Cookbook.

Author Ellery Adams, now known for ther Books by the Bay mysteries (and for the Supper Club Mysteries under the name J.B. Stanley), will soon be known for her Charmed Pie Mysteries. Ellery/J.B knows her way around the kitchen. So I was thrilled when she gave Recipes To Die For an enthusiastic two-thumbs up. She said:

"Cozy readers everywhere have fallen in love with Lorraine Bartlett's A Crafty Killing and the inhabitants of Victoria Square, a charming and sometimes dangerous berg featuring one-of-a-kind businesses like Artisans Alley. In Recipes To Die For, Katie Bonner and the rest of the locals from Victoria Square invite you into their kitchens to share tantalizing recipes and intimate stories about food, family, and life. So tie on your apron and sharpen your knives, because Recipes To Die For is chock full of culinary treasures such as Andy Rust's Cinnamon Rolls, Vance Ingram’s Barbequed Ribs, and Sweet Sue’s Toffee Squares. And you don't want to miss Aunt Lizzie’s Cream Scones. They're to die for!"

So, when will it be avaiable?

October 1st.

How will it be available?

In print and as an ebook. First, on Kindle and Nook, and within a week or so of that date, all other e formats. You'll be able to order it from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or any independent bookstore.

Would you like to read a Victoria Square cookbook?
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CHARGE IT!

2011-09-08T06:39:00.003-04:00

by Guest Blogger Sylvia May

When Lorna asked if I’d like to guest blog on Pet Peeve Thursday, I replied with a resounding yes. Trouble was, I couldn’t think of any Pet Peeves. Not one thing to complain about. Aren’t I lucky?

Nevertheless, I settled into our comfy chair with my laptop, figuring inspiration would hit eventually. Turning on the computer, I was greeted with a message telling me there were nine minutes of power left on my battery. Oh yeah, I’d forgotten to plug it in the night before. Annoyed with myself, I scrambled out of the chair to get the charger and realized that I did have a Pet Peeve to write about.

A few mornings ago, after virtuously dragging myself out of bed at 6:00, I donned my running clothes, grabbed my cute little iPod Nano (which has on it an invigorating and motivating playlist) and went outside. Did my stretches, put in the earbuds and turned on my Nano. Except it wouldn’t turn on! You guessed it; I’d forgotten to charge it.

That same day (same day!) I was out running errands when my cell phone rang. “Hi Sylvia,” my sister began. “I wanted to ask you—” and then the phone died. Really? Had I forgotten to charge that too? (And this one is crucial, since our cell phone is our only phone.)

You’d think I would have learned my lesson. Not so. The other night I climbed into bed with my iPad, which I primarily use as my e-Reader. I was eager to devour a few more chapters of the wonderful book, Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese, before nodding off. Alas, before I’d gotten through a couple of pages, the battery died. Then I remembered that my daughter, who was visiting us for a few days, had been playing Fruit Ninjas on my iPad, frantically trying to beat her own score of 564, an activity that had apparently run the power down.

I am obviously dependent on my portable electronic devices—for work, for reading, for play. But I seem to forget that they only work when they’re charged!

So now, I’m trying to make it a habit to plug everything in before going to bed. Well, I plug in my iPad in the morning, since I actually use it in bed. I’ve been at it for three days. So far, so good—everything is fully charged when I set out to use it.

Have you run out of power recently?
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Sylvia May’s emotionally charged debut novel, The Unraveling of Abby Settel, was released two weeks ago. A women’s fiction novel, it is a story of mid-life reinvention and the importance of friends. Watch the trailer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNZvTaIOIZE), visit her website (www.sylviamay.com) and her blog (http://sylviamaysblog.blogspot.com/).

Keeping the lights on

2011-09-07T07:04:00.000-04:00

I often worry about the wrong things. One of the things I worry about is losing power. Worse--losing the Internet because I've lost power! But wait, maybe after recent events, this isn't such a wrong thing to worry about.

During the time we've lived in this house, we've lost power--for days at a time--twice. We've lost power for hours at a time five or six times. In the summer . . . it's not so bad. Although after a tremendous thunderstorm (microburst) we were without power for five days. It was heartbreaking to see the streetlights on, but the every house in the neighborhood shrouded in darkness. (And wouldn't you know we had just stocked our freezer a couple of days before the storm.) At that time, I had a day job, so I could go to work and cool off and surf the net. My self-employed husband could not. And with no power, he couldn't work, either. It was a long five days for him. And we (and the neighbors) were furious to find that it was the turn of a wrench that powered up our neighborhood once again. They just didn't have a crew available to come do it ... FOR FIVE DAYS.

When we lost power after an ice storm and the house went down to 44 degrees, it was a nightmare. We couldn't get a hotel room because we had cats. We weren't going to leave the cats, so we stayed at the house. And FROZE. That's when Mr. L channeled Scarlett O'Hara and said, "As God is my witness, I will never be cold again!"

We bought a gasoline-powered generator. What a great piece of insurance. After we bought it, we didn't lose power for several years. But last winter we did--for more than three hours. That was the first time we had to use the generator. First, Mr. L had to crawl around in the snow and plug the generator into the circuit. Not so easy when you have had two knee replacements. Next, we had to endure not only the roar of the generator, but the fumes. (And yes, it was stationed outside and well away from the house, but you could still smell it.) I was convinced we'd die of asphyxiation. But the furnace did run. We could use the microwave and toaster oven to make supper. (But we couldn't run the computers. Mr. Generator was good, but not that good.)

Today (well, if we don't have a downpour), we're having a natural gas-powered generator installed. Oddly enough, we'd made the decision before Hurricane Irene struck and left millions in the dark for days. We've got a lot of problems in this country, and one of them is an aging infrastructure. Why did so many people lose power during Hurricane Irene? Because the power lines are above ground--running through trees, that break and fall during bad weather. (Think about it, this is 19th Century technology we're talking about.)

The next time the power goes out, I want my lights, heat (or AC) and I want my Internet. Hopefully, new Mr. Generator will deliver it for me. (Think of it this way: a Thomas Kincade painting vs. Bob Cratchit trying to warm himself over a candle?) And yeah, this is taking a BIG bit our of our savings, but it's also bringing us something equally important: peace of mind. You can't put a price on that.

Should I work on Labor Day?

2011-09-05T07:46:00.000-04:00

Taking a Day Off

2011-09-02T07:37:00.000-04:00

Tuesday I took the day off. Believe me, after the summer I've had, I needed a day off.

Mr. L and I drove across the border to Niagara-on-the-Lake, a lovely little town on the Niagara River. While my fictional village of Stoneham, NH doesn't look much like NOTL, I wish it did. (And I'm coaxing it, I'm coaxing it.) By the way, if you click on the pictures, you should see bigger versions of them.

Our first stop, the Prince of Wales Hotel for afternoon tea.

The tea room was gorgeous. We could have sat at the outer edge to watch the people on the sidewalk go past, but chose instead to sit "inside" and enjoy the lovely tea room itself.

The tea came out first. Isn't this lovely china?

And next came the most delicious and fattening food . . .

After lunch, we walked around the town and just took in the lovely homes and other sights.

I think Mr. Horsey would have preferred to be standing in a meadow in the shade instead of pulling tourists on a hot day.

All in all, it was the perfect day.

Have you had a perfect day lately?
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Calling Haven't Got a Clue!

2011-08-29T06:21:00.007-04:00

Last week at the garage sales, I found what's been on my treasure-hunt list for years: an old black phone.

Years ago, my Dad bought one secondhand. We always said it could be used as a murder weapon. So, when I started writing the Booktown Mysteries back in 2006, I decided that Tricia should have a classic phone on the cash desk of her mystery bookstore, Haven't Got a Clue. (Hmmm ... maybe it'll be a murder weapon some day. )

Anyway, I've seen retro phones for sale on Amazon for about a hundred bucks, but I wanted a REAL one, and I didn't want to pay $80-$300. (I saw a refurbished phone similar to mine online for $299 plus shipping. It's a Kellogg 1000 series phone. If you're really interested, you can read about it here.)

When I staggered to the car under the weight of a big box AND this phone, Mr. L's lip curled. "What is THAT?"

"It's Tricia's phone. I have to have it."

"It's DIRTY and DISGUSTING."

"It's Tricia's phone. I'll clean it up."

Only it sat in my minivan for a week before I plucked up the courage to touch it again. It really was disgusting. It must have been stored in a barn or a garage for a L-O-N-G time. (Note the ex-spider home on the receiver.)

Here's a front view:

The first thing I did was wet a paper towel to get the majority of the crud off of it. Again. DISGUSTING! Then I tinkered with the dial. I took off the part with the finger holes and figured I'd just move it. Oh no. There's a whole brass thingy with lots of cogs and stuff that was jammed. So I messed with it with a screwdriver (and I'm sure my Dad, the tinkerer, was standing over my shoulder the whole time), got it unstuck, and then squirted it liberally with WD-40. Voila! It started moving again. I put the thing back together and started on the receiver.

Ugh! Even more disgusting! I removed a outer ring and the mouthpiece cover and found it filled with yucky yellow stuff. I don't know what it was, but it went into the trash PDQ! Did the same to the earpiece, but that wasn't as bad. Then I dug out the Murphy's Oilsoap and gave it a thorough going-over. And . . . don't you think Tricia would be proud to have this phone on her cash desk?

Mr. L said, "You're not really going to use that, are you?"

Truthfully, I don't know. I would need to go to Radio Shack and see if I can get some kind of adapter, but if I can get the old girl working, I'd like to install her in my office.

It's not the same phone as we had when I was a kid--that had a more Art Deco handle--but for now, I'm pretty happy with old Black Beauty. And by the way, I paid $5 for it.

Don't you just love a bargain?
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Mr. Wasp Builds A Nest

2011-08-24T07:32:00.000-04:00

And so as we left the cottage last week, Mr. Wasp flew in. Mr. MONSTER Wasp. Of course I screamed. I scream whenever there's a bug bigger than my big toe and if it's flying around --I scream REALLY LOUD. (And for some reason it annoys Mr. L.)

But I opened the door and Mr. Wasp flew out to dive bomb somebody else.

Only it turned out it wanted to dive bomb us. Him and a LOT of his friends. They were flying in and out of a little strip of metal above the gutter right over the front door.

"We'll get some wasp spray," Mr. L said.

Okay. He bought it and since I decided to go back there to write he handed it to me and said, "Good luck."

Gulp.

Mr. Wasp and friends were very busy when I arrived. Going in and out and (presumably) building more rooms in the nest for their friends and relatives.

Gulp.

But before I did anything I did what I never do. I READ THE DIRECTIONS ON THE CAN. It said to wait until dusk when Mr. Wasp and friends were turning in for the night.

It was a L-O-N-G day, and I went in and out the back door.

At long last almost dusk arrived and I went outside, set up the ladder (this time wearing shoes with traction. I didn't want a repeat of two weeks ago when I fell down the rain-slick steps and received a gigantic bruise the side of Puerto Rico). Perched on the ladder, I took aim and SQUIRTED. Wow--that can really could expel its poison for 20 feet. But was I in a good position to actually get the nest, which is completely invisible?

I squirted again. Mr. Wasp and pals were getting a little upset. Suddenly there were about 20 of them hovering madly outside their home. I jumped off the ladder and backed away, sure I was about to be swarmed. But the wasp family was more interested in defending their turf than turning on me. Still, I squirted a couple more times from the ground and waited. Nothing seemed to happen, but I did hear some odd buzzing. I looked down and a couple of wasps were wiggling around in agony.

I felt like a murderer. I stomped on them to put them out of their misery and hurried back inside.

Okay, I worked in a chemical factory for over 25 years. I know what poison does and wasp spray is poison. These wasps could have lived long and happy lives if they'd built a nest in the tree or in someones barn far away from me.

I have a feeling they're not finished. They're big. Like Terminator wasps. They'll be back.

Next time I'm going to let Mr. L deal with them while I hide at a safe distance.

Have you ever dealt with wasps or other really big bugs?
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Where'd I see that picture?

2011-08-23T06:58:00.002-04:00

So there I was with NOTHING to read. Oh, there's an old issue of Coastal Living, from April 2006, sitting on that pile of magazines in the corner. (I got it at a yard sale for FREE!) I think I'll read that. So, I'm paging through it and come to an article about an enclave of cottages to rent on the Maine coast. (Very pretty.)

Then I got to page 147. Hold everything! I turned to Mr. L and said, "I've seen this picture in the last couple of weeks."

He didn't bother to look up from the crossword puzzle.

"In fact, it was in an issue of Romantic Homes Magazine."

Still no reaction from Mr. L.

So I turned to the pile of magazines on the little table between us and sure enough--there it is, the new issue of Romantic Homes and darned if that picture from a 5-year-old-issue of Coastal Living isn't the cover of the current Romantic Homes.

Mr. L says to me, "You do this all the time. Find a picture in one place, and then go show me where you've seen it before."

He's right. I remember beautiful pictures on home interiors--and for some reason, I remember where I've seen them--even if I haven't seen it for a while.

Why couldn't I remember more important stuff like where I left my keys or my hat or my glasses? No, I have to remember pictures in decorating books and magazines.

Has that ever happened to you?

I auto sign my E autograph

2011-08-22T06:59:00.002-04:00

One of the complaints I've heard about e books is that authors can't sign them for readers.

Well, forget that one, because someone has figured out a way to do it. (It was only a matter of time.)

Like a bunch of my author pals (Deb Baker, Doranna Durgin, Tonya Thomas, Becky Barker, Michele Hauf, and more), I've registered at Kindlegraph and with all three of my names: Lorraine Bartlett, Lorna Barrett and L.L. Bartlett.

What's Kindlegraph? A website where readers can request an electronic (pseudo) autograph from their favorite authors. (Well, the one's who've registered, anyway.) It's quick, it's easy, and it's free!
Can an author REALLY autograph an ebook?

Well, not exactly. Instead, the author can personalize a message to a reader. What you get is a PDF file with a copy of the book's cover and a message from the author. (Remember to include your name in your request if you want the autograph"personalized".) You can then attach the file to the e copy of the book. And although the name of the site has Kindle in it, these PDF files can be attached to the files for e books on just about every other e platform. (Think Nook, Sony E Reader, Kobo, etc.)

So, what do you think of this latest e innovation?

Packing up a life . . .

2011-08-19T07:41:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, my mother asked me to assemble some boxes for her. My brother got them off Craigslist for free. Someone had moved and the moving company gave them far too many boxes. So they offered them up to anyone who wanted them. Since we were moving my mother-in-law from her apartment to assisted living, my brother thought we could probably use them. He was right.

Packing up the mother-in-law's clothes wasn't so bad. Her clothes are in her new closet and dresser and her pictures are on the walls and scattered around her room. We even hung some cute things in the bathroom so that where she now lives would look more like home for her.

But then there're those boxes for my Mom.

It's been almost two years since my Dad passed. My Mom wasn't ready to part with his things until now. So for the past week or so she's been going through his clothes, washing them, and packing them up for Goodwill.

Yesterday I stood there and looked at his things and it made me cry. He isn't here anymore. He has no use for any of them. But . . . it just makes me so sad to see them go.

Dad would've been practical. "Get rid of them!" In fact, he did say that while he was in the nursing home.

I used to like to go to estate sales, but I find it hard to do these days. Somebody died. We're all picking over what the deceased might have loved and valued. It all seems kind of ghoulish. And yet ... if no one has use for these things, maybe someone else might love and value them, too.

What do you think?

No soup for me!

2011-08-17T07:22:00.002-04:00

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld. Not that I particularly liked any of the the episodes but that nasty line of dialogue, "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" keeps repeating in my ear.

Why?

Because I love soup. I've been making a lot of soup these past two years, and soup and hot weather just don't go together.

Don't tell me to make a chilled soup. Ick! (And some of them are just plain weird. Chilled watermelon soup? Why not just say watermelon slushy?)

I've got a hankering to make black bean soup. And 16 bean soup. And I've been afraid to make my own dahl (lentils) just . . . because. (Have you ever seen the yards-long ingredient list?)

But in the last couple of days the weather has gotten . . . nice. We're talking not horribly humid, and not devastatingly hot. And what am I thinking about?

Soup!

I love leek and potato soup and included the recipe in one of my books (Bookmarked for Death?). I haven't made that one in a while. Seems to me there's usually snow on the ground when I make it, although the last time I made it was in October 2009. I made it for my Dad who'd just been transferred back from the hospital to the nursing home. It was the last real meal that he ate. (And I fed it to him, spoonful by spoonful.) Maybe that's why I haven't made it. It's too painful remembering. But I made it with love in my heart and he was grateful to eat it.

But back to that 16 bean soup . . . I only recently found out I can BUY frozen ham hocks at Wegmans. (Who knew?)

I'm not in a hurry to see summer end (especially now that the weather has calmed down a little), but ... I'm ready for a nice bowl of hearty soup. (And no, not made with any kind of animal hearts. Ick.)

What's your favorite soup?
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I have no sympathy for rodents

2011-08-16T06:39:00.001-04:00

Last week I posted on Facebook that we caught a bunny in our Havahart trap. Presumably the bunny that has destroyed 75-85 percent of my bean crop. Never mind the woodchuck that has destroyed ALL of my gladioli, potatoes, coneflowers, and shasta daisies on the other end of the yard.

I was surprised so many people were sympathetic to Mr. Bunny and not to my plants.

Hey, plants deserve to live, too!

Pity the farmer behind our house. I estimate that the animals that have been having dessert in my yard have been dining three meals a day on his soil and have destroyed a very big portion of his crops. THEIR LIVELIHOOD.

Yes, Mr. Bunny and Mr. Chipmunk (I found one munching one of my tomatoes last evening) are "cute" but they aren't Chip and Dale or Peter Rabbit. Give them skinny tails and they are what they are--RODENTS.

RODENTS = RATS. Do you think rats are cute? Are tiny mice, so cute in fiction, sweet and nice when they are running around in your silverware drawer crapping on the forks and knives? Because I sure didn't think so last winter or in June when it happened again.

RODENTS = DISEASE. The plague. The Black Death.

Excuse me, but I don't find rodents in any form to be cute, nice, or Disney-esque.

The bunny we caught in the trap was let go in a rural area. We did NOT kill it (unlike my rural neighbor down at the cottage who would catch critters in his Havahart trap and drown them in the bay--guaranteeing they would never eat his flowers and veggies again.) I'm perfectly fine with relocating them. But I'm not perfectly fine with them destroying crops, be they my own or my farmer neighbor's.

I realize this attitude will not win me friends with those who read Beatrix Potter -- but I'm sure the lady farmer wasn't happy when these pests ate her kitchen garden, either. She just wrote about the "cute" side of rodents who wore waistcoats and spoke in full sentences--not squeaks that only a cat can hear. And that was her livelihood. Pity the poor farmer, already dealing with this year's intense weather conditions, who won't have money to feed his/her family this winter because not-so-cute rodents ate a big portion of his/her crops.

I am an animal lover. (You wouldn't believe how much money I send to animal charities. And not just those for cats and dogs--but a farm animal rescue, too.) But I draw the line at crop-eating, disease-ridden rodents.

This is just one subject where some of us just won't see eye to eye. I'm afraid we're going to have to beg to differ.

I'm sure those in the rodent court have never planted gardens. Maybe they should try. I see a garden as eco-friendly and trying to limit my carbon footprint.

I can't do that if rodents trump humans in this food chain.

99 Years Ago Today

2011-08-15T07:32:00.001-04:00

Today would have been Julia Child's 99th Birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JULIA

I confess, until I saw the movie Julie & Julia, I really didn't know that much about Ms. Child. Now I've read a couple of books and obtained her book Mastering the Art of French Cooking (which I have not). And it wasn't the cooking in the film that made it a hit with me, it was that Julie and Julia were both WRITERS.

What a cool lady.

The bumpy road to typing "THE END"

2011-08-11T07:30:00.003-04:00

I'm often asked: "How long does it take you to write a book?"

I glibly answer: "Six months," and that's the truth--most of the time.

I am notoriously s-l-o-w with the first 40,000 words. That's how long it takes me to get into the story and to where the work starts to be fun instead of drudgery.

I've had a LOT (upsetting) non-writing stuff going on this summer, so even after I hit my 40,000 words, the work was still drudgery. No matter what I did, I could not seem to get this puppy to run on four wheels on a straight road.

HOLD EVERYTHING! Yesterday I sat down for most of the day and read the thing.

I wasn't as far off the main road as I feared, but I did have to dump a subplot that just wasn't working. I worried that Katie wasn't doing enough sleuthing, but it turned out I'd forgotten half the stuff she was up to (mostly because I've written the book out of sequence). Luckily, it does make sense and I'm hoping it falls together (that is, I'll be writing a LOT) in the next couple of weeks.

I've fallen in love with my characters and setting once again. Katie has new friends, and new thorns in her side, and I think the book is going to be pretty good. Of course, I just read The Walled Flower earlier this week (it's my favorite so far in the series, but by the time I finish this one, it may snatch that honor--that's what usually happens), so I'm well steeped in Victoria Square lore.

Now, if I could just straighten out the crap that going on in the rest of my life ... because I have LOTS of other stories I want to tell and no time right now to write them.

Is there anything that looked bleak in your life that suddenly found some sunshine?
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I fall down go boom!

2011-08-10T07:50:00.002-04:00

Sometimes when I'm falling behind on a project, I'll pack up a cat and go to the cottage to work. It seems like I can get a lot more done there when I'm on my own and free from distractions than when I'm at home. And boy have I got a lot to get done. I'm behind on my manuscript (had to ask for an extension), had a copy edit to complete, and a blurb to write (all with looming deadlines).

So, yesterday I packed up my cat Fred and off we went.

Doesn't that sound ideal? The problem is . . . it was raining. REALLY HARD. It was 8:45 and I'd already been to the grocery store, Home Depot, and filled up the van with gas. We hit the road and the rain hit us. What usually takes just under an hour took us 90 minutes. (But we were listening to Bookmarked for Death on CD and that helped, although it was raining so hard at some points that I couldn't understand what the reader was saying. No matter. I know the story. Heck, I wrote it!)

When we arrived, it was still raining hard, but I had a schedule. First things first, get the frightened cat out of the car. That went okay, despite the fact I was juggling a grocery bag, my purse, and the cat carrier, and an umbrella. But soon Fred was inside and I grabbed my umbrella and went out for a second load.

Did I mention I was wearing my old (with NO tread), paint-stained Crocs? I'd already mentioned to Mr. L that I had nearly slipped in the Home Depot parking lot, but I'd left my good shoes at the cottage the last time we were there and wanted to remember to bring my ratty old ones back. I had not reckoned with the wet and slippery staircase.
I fall down go BOOM!

That had to be the most frightening split second of my life. The stairs have four steps and I missed three of them and landed on my butt on the concrete pavers at the bottom. I slammed both wrists onto the bottom step and was instantly soaked to the skin.

I must've sat there for a full 10 seconds before I could catch my breath to move. Was I smart and did I go back inside? No, I went for another load from the car. I was careful and since the gutter over the door leaks like a sieve, got even wetter. I dumped my load and CHANGED MY SHOES.

Once I had everything in, I called Mr. L. I had promised I'd call as soon as I got in. His reaction. "Gee, it's good you're not hurt. With no neighbors around, nobody would have found you."

That scared me. (Thanks, Mr. L.) Suddenly that commercial about the old woman who'd fallen and couldn't get up didn't seem so idiotic.

Lucky for me, I had used an icepack in the cooler so I alternated sitting 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off for most of the day. I finished the copy edit (and handed it in a week early--Man, I like The Walled Flower!) and I even got a lot of reading in for the book that needs a blurb. (Once I figured out how I could sit on my recliner without searing pain.)

And now all I have to show for yesterdays adventures are a LOT of bruises and sore muscles.

And the Crocs? They still aren't in the garbage where they should be. I still have some painting to complete. THEN they're going in the garbage.

Have you ever fallen and couldn't get up?

The Exploding Spam Folder

2011-08-05T07:06:00.000-04:00

During the last couple of weeks, I have received an inordinate amount of emails telling me that I've won contests; that a long-lost relative with millions of dollars (in Africa--if that isn't an oxymoron, what is?) has died and left it to me! That I have won the British Lottery! That a dear friend was held-up at knife point in London and now has no money for a ticket to get home. That I can get all the drugs I want for pennies (most especially those that grow the male member).

Hold everything!

If I didn't go into my spam folder at least five times a day, my computer would explode and there'd be emails stuck to the walls, the ceiling and the floor.

Apparently there are no end to the scammers out there. (And the pirates stealing my books. I'm sure my editor gets bombarded with emails from all his authors just about every day telling him of the newest rip offs. We learn about these illegal copies via Google alerts.)

There have always been nasty, evil people out there, but the Internet lets them steal and scam with relative anonymity. And how many people fall for this crap?
I guess I have no point other than: STOP IT, PEOPLE.

And worst of all, real emails that I WANT to read get trapped in the Spam Folder. My Williards from Susan Branch. Emails telling me I have comments from this very blog. Fan mail. Emails from my bank. And on and on and on. (Now you know why I check my Spam Folder so often.) When people sign up for my newsletter, the confirmation note to them ends up in THEIR Spam Filters and without opening it, they won't get my newsletters. (Next one slated for September.)

How tired are you of the spammers?
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The weeds and me

2011-08-03T07:35:00.000-04:00

When I bought my first house (a converted chicken coop), one of the first things my Dad and I did was plant a garden. It was a magnificent garden with tomatoes, peppers, broccoli. It was the only garden I ever had that was cleared of grass and then we laid down a big sheet of black plastic. I never had to weed it and I had fresh veggies for quite a while.

Fast forward. I'm on my third house now, and I still have a veggie garden, but now I have weeds. A LOT of weeds. But weeding can be very therapeutic. Lately when things get overwhelming, I go out there and yank 100 weeds. (I told you there were a LOT of them.) When I'm done, I'll have a nice clear little patch (which I know will be filled in again by next week).

When I get stuck writing, when I can't come up with one more thing to write, I'll go out and pull a few weeds. Sometimes I talk over my writing problems with my tomatoes and beans. They've not very helpful when it comes to story ideas, but they listen quietly and don't judge.

What do you think about when you're weeding?
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Escape (not the Pina Colada song)

2011-08-02T07:46:00.000-04:00

Is this summer EVER going to end?

I never thought I'd say that about summer. I love summer. But this relentless heat . . . the mother-in-law crisis which seems to get better only to escalate again. The book deadline that gets nearer and nearer . . .

Ya know what? I wanna run away from home.

I wanna pack a suitcase, jump on a train and go somewhere. Maybe the Canadian Rockies. (I don't think I can go there directly from my city, but this is fantasy anyway, right?)

I want to eat gourmet meals in a fancy dining car while the tracks below me go clickity-clack. I want to see inspiring vistas and pink and purple sunsets.

And I want to laze back in a seat and READ for PLEASURE for hours and hours on end.

Anybody want to join me?

Ideas, ideas--send me your ideas!

2011-07-29T07:36:00.000-04:00

Did anybody miss my blog posts this week? Yeah, I know -- I missed Monday-Wednesday, and luckily my pal Kelly McClymer jumped in yesterday for Pet Peeve Thursday. (Thanks, Kelly!)

Once upon a time Harry Nilsson sang a song called, "Here's Why I Did Not Go To Work Today." Well, here's why I have been a bit haphazard with my blog posts of late.

It's the Summer Of Hell Part II.

Two years ago my Dad was sick and dying and that was the Summer of Hell Part I. This year it's my mother in law who's having a rough time.
In early April, we decided it wasn't safe for her to live alone anymore.

But uprooting one 96 year-old-lady from a city 90 miles away and moving her here to assisted living was a lot more complicated than we ever could have imagined. Even though her doctor (after MANY visits) finally signed off, she had heath problems we never suspected. The poor woman has spent most of her six weeks in our fair city in the local hospital. She's now been transferred to transitional care and we hope she's back in her assisted living place (where she only has spent 2 out of the past 6 weeks) by next week.

FINGERS CROSSED.

But getting her here was a LOT more work than just driving her from one city to another. She had an entire apartment that needed to be addressed. (Guess who got to do most of the heavy lifting and packing?) We took three (or was it four?) trips across the western part of the state to clean out the apartment. (And we've got one more to do before the end of the month . . . and you did notice that today is the 29th, didn't you?)

Mr. L has been on the phone for the past six weeks trying to put all The Mother's financial affairs in order. The missing title for her car (and yes, she was still driving in May) has been a real adventure. (We won't go there.)

Meanwhile, Mr. L's sister (who lives 1500 miles away) has come to visit three times. That means extra cleaning, laundry, food prep, and socializing (that's the fun part--and believe me, it was the ONLY fun part of this entire ordeal). Plus the fact I've been painting walls for the past four weekends in high heat and humidity.

Bottom line:
I'm burned out.
BURNED OUT.
BURNT TO A CRISP.

Remember those writing projects I told you I was juggling? I'm not juggling any more. Just working on one project and I'm far, far behind. I'll probably have to ask for a deadline extension (fair warning, Tom), but the other day I solved a BIG problem that was snagging me (wonder why?) and things seem to be rolling along a lot smoother now. But the blog has suffered.

I don't want to give up the blog. It's fun . . . at least when I have ideas, and I've temporarily run out of them. So I'm asking you . . . what would you like me to talk about in the blog for the next month (or two or three ... always need new ideas).

Come on, don't be shy. I'd LOVE to hear from you.
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To Be Dressed For The Part

2011-07-28T07:01:00.000-04:00

By Guest Blogger Kelly McClymer

Lorraine, thank you very much for letting me come back for another Pet Peeve Thursday. I'm still on the wedding theme, I'm afraid, as I wrap up the Big Wedding Promo Blitz (The Fairy Tale Bride is still 99 cents until the end of the month).

Happily, the promo continues to go well, and my daughter will now be able to have a wedding with more than potato chips and Koolaid.

Unhappily, all my promotion success has reminded me of another pet peeve of mine: dressing up for a fancy event. As in a wedding. Even a wedding on the beach will require the mother of the bride to look nice (it does, I asked my daughter, and after she finished rolling her eyes, she confirmed my greatest fear).

Dressing up requires three things for which I am unsuited: choosing attractive attire, applying makeup, smiling.

However, after all my hard work to make this wedding nice, I'm determined to do my best not to look like the bag lady who wandered in by mistake.

Picture Linda Hamilton in Terminator II -- doing pull ups in a tiny cell so she can save her son as soon as she escapes. That will be me … well, not so much the pull ups. No, I'll be going on marathon shopping trips (with an honest friend) looking for a dress that doesn't make me look like a lumpy potato. If I have to, I'll shimmy into six "shapers" (what my mom used to call girdles), but I'll do it. For my daughter.

I'll take makeup lessons (and put up with the itchy mascara eyes as stoically as Ms. Hamilton puts up with the Terminator's switch from bad guy to good guy).

I've already started practicing smiling, even though it means looking in the mirror. If you don't believe me, compare my profile pic with the one taken at my sister's wedding last month -- I'm the one who looks like the librarian just about to say, "Shush." I thought I was smiling (I always think I'm smiling…but no one else does).

It only took me ten minutes to get a smile good enough to capture with PhotoBooth. At this rate, I'll be smiling reliably by 2015. Not to worry, I'll take a small mirror to the wedding, so I can double check myself during the ceremony. Anything for my daughter. Linda Hamilton for the win.

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Kelly McClymer is proud to announce that she has finally put up all five of her backlist historical romance novels on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords. Phew. She is working on her next project, back to YA again. And a wedding.... You can find sporadic updates about the coming wedding on her website http://kellymcclymer.com. You can see what she finds interesting on Twitter, and you can get updates about her books on FaceBook. Don't miss The Fairy Tale Bride.

Can you get cabin fever in the summer?

2011-07-22T07:05:00.000-04:00

I hate being trapped inside by the weather. The temperatures are so miserable you can't step outside for fear of losing your life. You don't want to go to the store because you'll have to go outside.

I'm not talking about the winter snowstorms we get just about every week here in Western New York, I'm talking the temps in the high 90s.

We're trapped inside because of winter for MONTHS AND MONTHS on end. So when the good weather comes, I want to be out enjoying it, not trapped inside my air conditioned house.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE not baking to death. (I lived without air conditioning for most of my life.) But after waiting six months to sit in my screened-in porch, I hate having to be inside, looking out at the flowers and the in-ground pool (which we don't use because the water is too COLD).

This year we've spent more time inside than out on our porch. And I'm suffering from cabin fever.

Our warm weather doesn't last long enough -- but this heat wave has overstayed its welcome.

How's the weather where you are?

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Experimentation in bookselling

2011-07-21T07:59:00.005-04:00

The book biz it is a changing.

I belong to a number of list serves where all we talk about is our self-published titles on Kindle, et al. We talk marketing, we talk formatting, we talk money.

Ka-ching!

The stigma of self-publishing is definitely on the wane. Then again, those of us on those lists are all traditionally published authors. We've got backlists of proven winners. We can write and we're not afraid to experiment.

I wish we could say we always know what we were doing, but we don't. And even if someone lists his or her successful strategy, doing the same trick doesn't always come up with the same results.

Right now I'm experimenting with pricing for the first title in my Jeff Resnick series. It's currently at 99 cents on Smashwords (all e formats), iTunes and Kindle. Is it selling like hotcakes? No. But it is selling better than it was at $3.99. Does that mean that those who buy it at 99 cents automatically buy the rest of the series at $3.99? No, it doesn't. But it's a loss leader.

Have I gained a lot of new readers because of the price jumping up and down between free (in the UK for three weeks in June) and $3.99? You bet. TENS OF THOUSANDS of them.

Right now I'm experimenting with formatting. I'm taking down the current versions of the books and putting up versions with hyperlinks to my Kindle/Nook sales pages for the other books in the series and other titles I have up there.

Has this worked? I can't yet tell about the novels -- but for a number of the short stories, you better believe it! We're not talking hundreds of copies here, but enough so that I can see a difference.

I love the fact that I have control over my product. I love that I can change strategies and chart the success or failure of my pricing experiments. I love that I can change my covers on a whim. (I've "whimmed" a few times on the short stories.)

But the best thing of all is that new people are finding my work--and for the most part, work that was just sitting on my hard drive for years. What's really amazing is that some readers are discovering my Jeff Resnick books and THEN finding my New York published books.

How cool is that?

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Who's that skinny chick in white?

2011-07-20T07:23:00.003-04:00

That was my wedding party -- yup, the whole thing -- 20 years ago today. (I'm the one second from the right.)

It was the HOTTEST day of the year (which is why the best man and my Dad were holding gin and tonics)--102 degrees. (They've prediced 101 for tomorrow.)

It was a good day. A very good day.

The Long Wait For Waffles

2011-07-19T06:30:00.002-04:00

Back in late May, my friend Janet sent me a bottle of her homemade maple syrup. She and her husband tap the trees on their property in Michigan. They get about 30 gallons of the stuff, which she says boils down to a gallon or two of maple syrup. It takes HOURS and HOURS to boil the stuff down. They share this bounty with friends and relatives. I feel really HONORED to be among them.

So, there we were at our cottage in early June, with plans to break open (although not literally) the bottle and have a terrific breakfast of waffles and bacon. We'd planned that for Sunday morning.

Saturday morning Mr. L said, "I have a stomachache." I didn't think much of it because as someone with frequent (although not so much anymore) heartburn, I always had a stomachache. But if I had been really listening alarm bells should have gone off. Mr. L is NEVER sick. He NEVER has a stomachache. He hasn't puked in over 40 years. (I sure wish I could say that.)

And so . . . later in the day Mr. L decided that his stomachache was getting worse--as in 'Take me to the ER" worse. Except that he really didn't make a fuss. By the time he got seen, the resident on duty said, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how bad is the pain." Mr. L quite calmly said, "Ten."

Whoa! When Mr. L had his knee replacement surgery, I don't think he said the pain was every worse than a five.

When they finally released him from the hospital two days later (yeah, he hand an infected gall bladder), they gave Mr. L a list of foods NOT to eat. And what was on there? Waffles. (He could have just mainlined the syrup--there's no fat in it, after all.)

So, seven weeks (and 24 pounds) later, Mr. L finally got his waffles on Sunday.

Yummy! (Still waiting for that bacon. Maybe next week.)
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What's wrong with this lovely picture?

2011-07-18T06:30:00.000-04:00

What's wrong with this picture?

A lovely cat family. Mama, two orange kids, a part siamese (the white one), and a little black kitty who was spooked and ran under the deck when we came out on our porch on Saturday morning.
Yes, what's wrong with this lovely little family group.

They're feral.

Why are they feral?

Because our neighbors think it's swell to have cats. AND NEVER NEUTER THEM. Consequently, there are constantly new litters of kittens being born. The neighbors toss a bowl of dry food out on their deck, but that's as far as they go when it comes to cat maintenance. The cats are outdoor cats. And there are more than THIRTY of them running around the neighborhood.

According to the Humane Society there's no law that says this is cruel, but forcing cats to live outdoors in Western New York in winter is inhumane in my book. Forcing them to bear unwanted litters of kittens is inhumane in my book. Making them hunt for their food in an area filled with preditors is inhumane in my book.

Hmm...might need to write about book just about this.
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Go Away Mr. Groundhog!!!

2011-07-15T07:53:00.006-04:00

Every year I (attempt to) grow beans. I've learned in the past that once they start to climb, they're usually safe from critters.

Not this year!

I put down dried blood and that usually does the trick.

Well, I ran out and something ate all but two of my potato plants. While waiting for another shipment to arrive (purchased via the Internet), something attacked my beans. It just chopped them about six inches from the ground, but they're all withering and dead up above.

Grrrrr!

Now, I'm an animal lover, but not when it comes to wild critters eating my garden.

The dried blood arrived yesterday, and I gave the ground around the potatoes a good treatment, but not the beans. Since the critter was discouraged in the potato patch s/he went straight for the beans. You can bet I spread a liberal supply of dried blood around today -- but it's a day too late.

Will we get beans this year?

I sure hope so, but I'm not confident.

What are the critters eating in your garden?

(P.S. Today my character Katie Bonner is blogging over at the Killer Characters site--talking about her dreams for the English Ivy Inn. Come on over and see what she's got to say.)

A Summer Cold

2011-07-13T06:31:00.002-04:00

Okay, I've got my SECOND cold in three months. This isn't supposed to happen. I take vitamins. I eat fresh fruits and veggies, and I wash my hands and use Purel. I always wipe down the grocery carts before I use them.

And I've got a SECOND cold in three months.

My throat is scratchy. My nose is running. I am MISERABLE.

Why does a cold feel worse when the weather is fine?

Avoiding the Domino Effect

2011-07-12T07:27:00.002-04:00

I've been steadily writing the next (well, not the next--that's The Walled Flower--but the next for me) Victoria Square Mystery and it's been going along okay. Except for one little detail. I've been writing the book out of sequence.

What does that give me?

A great big MESS.

So yesterday I decided it was time to figure out where everything went. That was three hours printing out scenes that had never been printed before, studying the timeline, rearranging the timeline, rearranging the pages, and putting them into chapters in my big 3-ring notebook.

My books almost always have 25 chapters. Doesn't matter what series I'm writing, I write 25-chapter books. Right now (since it's only half finished) Victoria Square #3 (I've given up trying to title it. I'll leave that to the Berkley marketing department) has 18 chapters. You got it--I've got to come with with 7 more. (And one of the ones already accounted for only has two paragraphs in it.)

Today I have to take the electronic manuscript and actually put the pages in the right order. Oy! Not looking forward to that. Can you say CONFUSED? I figure that will take 2-3 hours. I'm hoping I still have enough brainpower left to actually write something, because while I was playing with the timeline, a lot of problems got solved. I don't work from a detailed synopsis--it's the timeline that keeps me on track while I'm writing the book. (I'm up to 5 single-spaced pages right now.)

So I hope to be on track and writing my heart out for the next 6-7 weeks because that's when I've got to turn the book in. I might be late. Heck, the book will sit on in my editor's hard drive for AT LEAST two months before he even looks at it, so I'm not going to be upset if I miss the deadline--and I suspect he won't either. He's up to his eyeballs in other authors' manuscripts. The problem with being late is ... I'll start the next book late, and it becomes a domino effect, and nobody wants that, either.

So ... today or tomorrow ... back on track. (I hope.)

It just disappeared!

2011-07-08T07:37:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned the other day, I'm juggling several writing projects that aren't under contract and that writing had become FUN again! (Weeee!)

One of the projects was for a Young Adult Fantasy novella. Back in April, I was in the midst of plotting a three-story arc when ... SCREECH ... had to come to an abrupt halt. I had a BIG problem with my world building.

World building is extremely important in SF/Fantasy, you have to make your world believable and to do that you need to solve all your problems of how it works up front. Well, that problem would NOT be resolved and so the story went way back on the back burner.

But two days ago I woke up in the middle of the night and the answer came to me.

Weeeeeeeeee!

The only problem? I can't find the notebook with all the plot points.

I do remember typing MOST of it up, but did I type everything?

And can I find my notebook? That would be a resounding NO! And not for trying. The last time I remember seeing it, it was sitting right next to my keyboard. Well, it's not there now.

So, what can I do besides enlist the help of St. Anthony to find my notebook. Any ideas?

It's ALWAYS time to wake up

2011-07-07T07:19:00.000-04:00

Sometime last summer my digital clock lost some of its light bars so that the 9 became a 5. This was disconcerting. Happily, Mr. L bought me a brand new Sony alarm clock for Christmas.

Joy to the world.

Well, not exactly.

You see, when I plugged the clock in--SURPRISE! It already knew the time. That was great ... except it's not correct. Mr. L always sets our clocks using Naval Observatory Time, and according to NOT this Sony clock is TWO MINUTES FAST and you can't change it!

Okay, what's two minutes? Well, when you say to yourself, "It's Saturday. I will NOT get up until at least 7 a.m." --that clock is two minutes fast!

And another thing, my old clock had red digits. This one has green ones. And they're BIG. And they LIGHT UP THE WHOLE ROOM.

Never look a gift clock in the mouth, eh?

Do you have some appliance that's annoying you but is a necessary part of life?
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And I got on the scale this morning . . .

2011-07-05T08:00:00.000-04:00

After Christmas, I decided to lose weight. I was tired of being fat and I saw how my Dad suffered because he was overweight. I decided to be different.

In years past, I've usually taken the "easy" way out. I went on Nutra-System. Well, the food is just as bad, but these days they don't let you choose what you want to eat--at least not at first. They make you eat a LOT of pasta and . . . I'm not a big pasta fan. So why would I want to spend nearly $300 eating stuff that makes me want to hurl?

If I religiously followed Weight Watchers, I would lose weight a lot faster. But I dohwanna. Actually, I'm kinda sorta following Weight Watchers because I truly believe it's the only sensible diet there is. You eat what you want. Just not in quantities you want. And I have cut down--but not cut everything out. (Heck, I had an Abbott's Custard on Friday--but instead of the regular sized one, I had a kiddie cone. Guess what? It was just as satisfying as the big one.)

It's been five months now and I've lost 18 pounds. Yea!

Except for my jeans being a bit baggier, I don't feel like I've lost ANY weight. I asked Mr. L this morning, "Do I look thinner to you?" and he said, "How can I tell? I see you every day?"

I think I'll always see myself as FAT, even if I lose another 50 pounds. I'm like those girls who are anorexic and see themselves as fat . . . only I really AM fat. I just see myself as fatter than I am.

We'll see a large woman in the grocery store and I'll say to Mr. L "Am I as fat as her?" and he always says "No." But is he lying or do I just see myself as big as these other women?

I really don't have a goal in mind when it comes to weight loss. More a pants size. I have brand new jeans in the closet and it would be nice if I could fit into them. Sadly, at 18 pounds less I still can't get into them. But they're my current goal. Once I can get into them, maybe I'll buy another pair of jeans a size smaller. All I know is I don't want to end up a statistic: diabetes, high blood pressure, chronic illnesses, and then dead.

I'm working toward that goal one pound at a time.