Recently one of my ex-co-workers responded to a Facebook post where I talked about the upcoming release of The Walled Flower. (okay, can you blame me? It's one of my favorite topics right about now.) In it she said, "I know somebody famous."
Wait a minute. Me, famous?
No, no, no.
I'm not even a celebrity (and when you consider that people like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian get to be celebrities by appearing in sex videos -- no thanks, that's not the life I'm looking for).
Let's face it, even in my Lorna Barrett persona (my best known name), I couldn't walk into a Starbucks in Rochester, NY and get a free cup of Joe by pulling the fame card. "Who?" they say, squinting at me and taking in my faded jeans (they got that way by years of wear, not by paying an exorbitant price. And besides, I don't drink coffee.)
I've always heard it's better to be rich than famous. I think that must be true, but about now, I'm wondering how to get to the rich part.
And if I was rich, what would I do with all that money?
Well, first off, I'd get a brand spanking new kitchen. I have a TINY kitchen (and worry that future prospective buyers will bolt when they find out it's so tiny there's no room for even a bistro table and chairs), but I don't even want granite counters, and stainless steel appliances. Nope, just some new counters (Formica is fine with me) and reface the cabinets. Oh, and replace the slippery-when-wet ceramic tile with one that has a little texture.
A new car. Not a Caddy or even a BMW ... nope. A Town and County minivan with stow-and-go seats. Don't even need extra BRDs (beverage restraint devices) because I use both hands to drive (and, as mentioned above, I don't drink coffee).
I could give more money to charity if I had more to spare. My favorite charities are: Crackerbox Palace farm animal rescue (a lot of people see farm animals as expendible. Well, I don't. They deserve a long and happy life just like cats and dogs), The Wayne County Humane Society (I'd give to the one in my own county, only they are well funded--Wayne County has a lot of poverty, and not enough $$$ to spay and neuter, etc.) and St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital (although I'd feel a lot more comfortable giving them more money if they laid off sending stuff out like stickers and calendars and stuff and just used the money I send to CURE KIDS OF CANCER!!!!!). I'd also give more to my local Food Pantry.
Okay, I MIGHT buy a few bracelets and earrings, and a couple of 1950s Christmas figurines that cost more than a buck each (my garage sale limit). But other than that . . . .
What would you buy if you had unlimited funds?