All I wanted to do was read a magazine article about the movie Nine. But the magazine was Vogue, and I could smell it from twenty feet away. If I ventured closer, my eyes would tear up and I would start sneezing. If I opened it, I ran the risk of asphyxiation by perfume.
Vogue probably has more perfume advertising inserts than any other magazine on the planet. You know what I mean – those glued-down flaps you’re supposed to pull open to experience the rapture of the scent. Trouble is, you can smell the perfume long before you open the flap, and when a magazine has half a dozen inserts in one issue, the rapture-inducing scents combine to form one unholy stench. I can almost see the fumes rising from the pages.
Why do advertisers think this is a good way to introduce potential customers to a particular perfume? It isn’t, but that’s their problem. Our problem – I speak for those of us who are sensitive to chemical odors – is how to make use of a magazine that sets off a massive allergic reaction. I once knew a woman who tore out all the inserts, threw them in the trash – outdoors – then left magazines lying open in the garage for a week to air out before she even tried to read them. I could do that, but I don’t want to throw paper in the trash. It belongs in the paper recycling bin. The bin, however, is in the basement, and I know the whole house will reek of perfume if I ditch the inserts anywhere indoors. Paper is biodegradable, but ink isn’t, so I can’t bury the things in the garden (although the stench might get rid of the mole that’s been tunneling under my daylilies).
As you might guess, I pass up a lot of magazines because I can’t stand the way they smell. I know some people love those perfume inserts, though. I read in the “Hints from Heloise” column that they make dandy “fresheners” for linen closets and underwear drawers. From the amount of perfume that assaults my respiratory system every time I’m in a crowd, I have to assume the majority of women douse themselves with fragrances. Men also contribute to air pollution, although to a lesser degree – do guys who overdo the cologne and aftershave think they smell sexy? – and male-oriented magazines probably have their share of stinky inserts.
I know from experience that women who wear perfume don’t like the suggestion that they refrain when they’re going to be in a closed, crowded space such as a theater. Perfume companies, I’m sure, wouldn’t appreciate the suggestion that they stop placing inserts in magazines. So I will continue to steer clear of magazines that reek, even if they contain something I want to read. I have come to expect a headache and runny nose every time I see a movie or stage performance or go anywhere a lot of people congregate.
These problems are just the tip of the fragrance iceberg, though. I haven’t even mentioned perfumed soap, shampoo, detergent, cat litter, furniture polish, glass cleaner....
And what's bugging YOU today?
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You are not alone. The only time I don't get teary-eyed and snarky is outside and even then occasionally perfumes will get me. And it's funny that you mention cat litter -I buy the store brand because all of the other "unscented dust-free" litters stuff me right up. I've definitely got your back on this one.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to hear from a fellow sufferer. I've occasionally been made to feel like A Terrible Grouch because I've complained about overpowering scents or asked that a window be opened so I could breathe. The heavy use of perfume is something I simply don't understand. Why would any woman want people to be able to smell her from 50 feet away? And what the heck is wrong with the scent of clean skin?
ReplyDeleteWe have a cat with asthma, so we have to avoid scented cat litter. I'm convinced he has asthma because the breeder we bought him from as a kitten (he's an Abyssinian) was a heavy smoker.
Not a huge fan of perfumes. The only one I ever use is a subtle vanilla scented one. I just don't see the point in stinking like artificial roses or cyanide:p
ReplyDeleteErin, the scent of vanilla always makes me hungry for sweets. It would be disastrous for me to wear that fragrance and inhale it constantly. :-) You made me think of Scarlett O'Hara's mother in Gone with the Wind -- she used vanilla as a perfume. These days the pure stuff is about as expensive as Chanel #5.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll go make some cookies or brownies...
Did you know there's a lot of toxic chemicals in fragrances these days?
ReplyDeleteSome are listed here:
http://www.enviroblog.org/2010/02/3682-ingredients-hide-behind-the-word-fragrance.html
I don't agree that women are contributing more toxic fragrance chemicals than men these days ... Around here, it is the teenage boy population you really have to look out for. Women seem to be less scented than they used to be, imho ... Great article though, and did you know that you can often get scent-free magazines subscriptions? They'll leave out those perfumed inserts if you ask them to ...
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teenager, all the boys were wearing English Leather aftershave -- although most of them didn't have enough facial hair to justify shaving -- so this is nothing new!
ReplyDeleteAh, ladies, don't you know why so many women drench themselves in perfume? As we age, our sense of smell decreases. Most women don't realize this, so since they can't smell the perfume they put on, they keep putting more and more on until they CAN smell it. Unfortunately, the rest of us are reeling!
ReplyDeleteBoth my husband & I have become perfume/chemically sensitive. He's even worse than I, so I gave up perfume over 15 years ago. I have a good friend/co-worker (male) who really, really likes his cologne and who likes to hug when we meet. Sometimes I have to change my blouse and wash my face after we part because I just can't stand the lingering aroma. ::sigh::
As for magazine inserts and newspaper ads (from Macy's, Bloomingdales, etc.), I have to dump them in the outside trash.