A year ago today was the last time I saw my Dad alive.A year ago tomorrow was the last time I saw my Dad.
It's been a terrible year for me. Many successes, but the most devastating lows of my life, too. I thought I had experienced grief before, but losing beloved pets and relatives I hardly knew did not prepare me for what real loss felt like.
A year later, there's still a gaping wound on my heart.
Where did the year go? I made the New York Times bestsellers list twice. I've traveled to Washington, DC and to New England. The cottage bathroom had a refit (and a leaky hot water heater). The seasons came and went. And still my Dad is gone.
I can't get used to not having him there to ask advice. I depended on his experience and wisdom. There are so many things I wanted to tell him, and I wanted him to tell me.
Time marches on . . . without my Dad.
Oh, L, I know your pain. My mom died in February of this year, and I can't seem to quite recover from it. The gaping hole is there for me, too. So many things I wish I could ask her. So many things I wish I could say to her. Hang on, cause I know your Daddy is so very proud of you, and is still watching over you! Debbie
ReplyDeleteDebbie, I'm so sorry for your loss. What terrible gaping holes we have in our hearts.
ReplyDeleteI won't say time will heal the pain you feel, but it will lessen it some. It's been 40 years since my Dad passed away and I still miss him everyday. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteMason
Thoughts in Progress
My father passed away four years back, and I miss him still. The emptiness never completely goes away.
ReplyDeleteSending you a giant hug from India.
I lost my mom four years ago and my dear mom-in-law just this month so I know what the hurt feels like when it's fresh and after some years have passed. It never goes away, but it changes and it becomes bearable. Hold on to the memories you have of him. As long as you have those, he's never truly gone.
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe it is a year already, the loss will always be there but it will soften, I still miss my Dad and Mum and it is 37 years and 19 respectively. I wish I had listened more to them, I hang on to every memory. Sometimes I swear I can hear their voices, maybe they´re just telling me to pull my socks up.
ReplyDeleteLove to you and your Mum. xx
I lost my dad fourteen years ago and I still think about him every single day. EVERY day.
ReplyDeleteBut the terrible ache is not as bad, and I think about the good things, not the loss, now.
I'm so sorry for your loss. In September of 09 my mom died after a very lengthy and difficult illness. It began in 1999, my daughter was in 5th grade, and I never left her until the day she died (except a hospital stay and 30 days of rehab) ten years later. My dad passed in 2001 after an illness that was chronic and worsening in his last couple of years prior to his death. Mom weighed 48 lbs. on the day she died and that was with the metal in her hip. My daughter, who was just starting college in September of 2008 was a blessing. My sister couldn't do the medical things but she was there almost every day helping to support me and our mom and my husband did whatever was asked of him. During the last year of her life my mother-in-law, who had alzheimer's but was functioning well, was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. It had metastasized and was in her lungs and elsewhere. She enjoyed her life up to the day before she died (exactly 4 mths. to the day my mom passed). It is odd that I smell my mom's perfume sometimes and I still hear her call me. But the strangest thing to happen was walking into my living room last month and smelling my grandfather who had died in
ReplyDelete1983. He had had a stroke and I took care of him for about a year with my mom, dad and husband helping me. I didn't go to Law School to help care for him and he died in the same room my mom did. I hadn't smelled that smell in over 27 years. Sometimes I think I'm going a little crazy and I don't know if we are nudged a little to remember our loved ones. I guess
you never really get over losing a loved one and we have to learn to accept what life gives us. . . I hope your sorrow lessens a little as each day progresses and that your heart is lightened as well. Your memories will always be with you!
Oh, Kiddo, I'm so sorry I missed this column when you put it up (I didn't get online yesterday), but I do remember your dad -- he was a doll!
ReplyDeleteThere's a couple of holes in my heart, too, from when mom passed in '83 and dad in '92. Things still happen and for a moment I'll think, "I've got to tell Mom this" or "Dad that," before reality closes in & I realize that's impossible. As others have said, the pain gets blunted with time, but the missing never goes completely away. Hang in there, I know he's keeping tabs of you and he is SO very proud of your accomplishments! Hugs.