Three months later

Grief can hit you when you least expect it. Yesterday, I opened the first can of tuna we've had since we lost Fred. Fred LOVED tuna water. He knew that if you cut up onions, that tuna water MIGHT happen. So if he smelled onions, he'd be dancing around my feet in anticipation. It would break my heart when I was cutting them for some other purpose.

So yesterday, I cut onions. No boy. Today I opened a can of tun and drained the water down the sink. Man, that was hard.

It's been almost three months since I lost my tiny son and it hasn't gotten much easier. We will have new cats sometime this summer, but they won't be Fred or Chester and that's really hard to wrap my head around.

Lost in Grief

It's been seven weeks since I lost my cat, Fred. To me, he wasn't just a cat. He was my tiny son. My little Prince. Additionally, it's been five weeks since we lost Chester, Mr. L's feline son.

The truth is ... we were prepared to lose Chester. He was almost 20 years old. He had multiple health problems. Mr. L and I had learned to give him subcutaneous fluids back in July 2016 because he was suffering from kidney failure. He had other health problems that had us giving him pills five days a week, and cream in his ears almost every day for several months. But until a week before he had to make the terrible decision to euthanize him, Fred was okay. Yes, he had lost weight, but he didn't give us any real sign that he was in distress. He had apparently suffered in silence with the cancer that was rapidly growing within him.

We thought we were prepared to lose Chester. But to lose Fred was absolutely devastating. And then...12 days later, we lost Chester, and he did not have an easy time. We waited a day too long to take him to his last visit to the vet. On the morning of his last day, Chester had a violent seizure. Ive seen people have seizures but nothing like what our poor sweet boy endured. That was at 7:50 am. I called our vet at 8 when they opened, and they said to bring him in at 10:30. I wasn't sure he'd make it and I worried about him suffering. Five minutes later, they called to say, "Bring him in now," which we did.

Some might cynically say the vet only wanted to make the $50 charge to euthanize him, but I don't think so. We didn't want our boy to suffer .. and he certainly did.

Truly, we have been lost without our boys. And our quest to find new cats has not been easy. Honestly, no cats could ever "replace" our boys. We loved Fred for just over 13 of his 15 years, and Chester was two weeks short of his 20th birthday. But ... April isn't quite "kitten season," and the truth is, Mr. L and I want older kittens, not tiny babies.  Maybe we're just a little too old for that right now.

"You should adopt older cats!!!" we've been told sternly.

Okay, but we just LOST two older cats. We are not prepared to get attached to and then lose an older cat or two too soon. I feel terrible, but between losing my parents and three cats (we lost our beloved kitten, Betsy (aged 20) two years ago), I've had too many losses these past few years. I don't think my broken heart can take much more.

So, we're without cats making tracks on our freshly vacuumed carpet. We're without food and water bowls in our kitchen. We aren't maintaining multiple litter boxes and doling out treats ... not that we haven't scoured websites and Facebook pages looking for our next much-anticipated kittens. It seems our timing is just OFF.

We will have cats in our lives again.

It can't come soon enough.

It's Friday the 13th -- are you nervous?

Like the subject line says ... It's Friday the 13th. Are you nervous about it?  Are you a superstitious person?

I'm not. And the reason?  Black cats are supposed to be unlucky. I've had black cats for most of my life. My first came with a very silly name. I was six and I didn't know you were "allowed" to change the name of a cat. Poor cat was saddled with that name for twelve years. Since then, I've learned that as long as you feed a cat and call it by its new name, it will learn very quickly, "Hey, I'm not stupid name anymore, now I'm called Most Excellent Name!"

Well, here we are on Friday the 13th 2018 (first of two this year.  the other is in July) and I have no black cat. In fact, I don't have two black cats.  We lost both our boys last month (within 12 days of each other) and have been in mourning ever since. We know there is another black cat somewhere in our future, we just don't know when.

Walk under a ladder?  Well, I wouldn't do that just because it's unsafe.

Breaking a mirror?  That upsets me, because it can be terribly unsafe and I don't like getting cut, but I'm not worried about seven years of bad luck.

Opening an umbrella inside? Fahgettaboutit. Why worry?  In fact, it didn't faze me at all when I bought some "studio lights."  Love them!  Haven't used them much, but I have no problem opening the umbrellas that diffuse light.

Spilling salt? And then canceling out the bad luck by throwing it over your shoulder? No. First, I've already spilled the salt ... probably on the counter.  I'm not throwing it over my shoulder so that I have to clean off the counter AND sweep the floor.  Not gonna happen.

There is one thing that I am wary of ... and only because my mother would have a cow if anyone put shoes on a table. But in retrospect, for me it's more a matter of germs. Eeeek! I know where those shoes have been! Imagine the bacteria they've trudged through!!!

Is there something you're superstitious about?

Friday with Fred

Other people's cats do cute stuff and love to pose for pictures. I tried to get my cat, Fred, to do a photo shoot yesterday and he wouldn't cooperate--wouldn't hold still, or when he would, he wouldn't look at the camera. Apparently he has no interest in cultivating a social media following. (Like, wow!)

If your pet photo afraid?

Summer is Here!

Okay, fifteen minutes ago it was April and cold and miserable and now suddenly it's coming up on 4th of July week. Where has time gone?

It's been two years since my mother passed away, and it seems like a couple of weeks--tops. I mean, why else would I think, "Oh, I need to call and tell her....?"

So, let's look back on our "summer" so far. Yeah, technically we're just three days in, but that's not how I look at summer.

Summer starts when we open our family cottage.  That was in late April. I've been there for three weeks (off and on) to do writing retreats--just me and my cat, Fred. (He's not very good company. He lies around and sleeps a lot.)

The lilacs came and went.

The BIGGEST community yard sale happens the first weekend in June. Been there, done that! (Didn't find much, but I did get fried dough and Mr. L got his $1 hot dog at 9 am that he always looks forward to.)

The Strawberry Festival was last weekend.  Another fried dough day (that's it until next June).

Last weekend we had two of the hottest days on record for June. (Which makes me dread the rest of the summer.)

But there's still lots to look forward to.

• Weekend (2-martini) lunches at our favorite restaurant(s).
• The Vintage Car Show
• The Owen Shores jewelry sale (and hope they have a yard sale later this summer)
• Lunch at the Sherwood Inn
• Our 26th wedding anniversary
• more yard sales with treasures yet to be found
• the Jazz and Wine Festival (where do you think I got the idea for Booktown #11?)
• Labor Day
• The big Pultneyville community sale
• The Harvest Festival

There's lots more to look forward to. Like local sweet corn, picking my tomatoes, cutting gladiolas to sit on my dining room table, watching my niece splash around in the pool and shouting, "Aunt Du-wane, look what I can do!" Thunderstorms with lightning slashing the darkened sky. Rain on the roof.

Okay, I won't rush the summer. There's so much to do and get done during the next three months.

What's your favorite thing/event in summer?