Lordess of the Flies?

I am a germaphobe.  There, I admitted it. I ought to buy stock in the Purel company because it's one product I use on a daily basis.  (More than once a day.  More than three-four times a day.  And I wash my hands a LOT -- but not compulsively.)

So you can imagine my horror when suddenly there seem to be a LOT of flies inside our house.  Where the heck are they coming from?  Okay, the garage was open for hours and once a fly flies in, it seems to get stuck at the window near the door leading from the garage to the laundry room, and often they come in after us.  But we've been going through the front door to try to avoid letting the flies come in after us.

Monday I killed two flies.  Tuesday hubby killed three flies.  Last night I killed TWELVE flies!!!  (Don't get in my way when I'm holding onto my fly swat!)

Any fly that comes into this house is DOOMED.

What's bugging YOU today?

Pay dirt at a yard sale

A couple of weeks ago, I hit pay dirt at a yard sale.  An entire paper box of old Taste of Home magazines and Country Woman magazines for $5.  (We're talking less than 5 cents each.)

I first found Taste of Home on a magazine rack in Lewiston, NY.  I was on my way to England via Toronto and wanted something to read on the plane.  Wee, this was fun!  A magazine with no advertising that was all about food. It had lots of cornball--but fun--sidebars, like "My Most Embarrassing Moment In The Kitchen," stuff kids got wrong (like saying a teacher's name was Miss Salad Bar instead of Miss Salazar), ridiculous menus that could "feed your family for $1.35 a plate" (yeah, if you had most of the spices in stock and had a family of 6-8).

Every issue was good for at least an hour or two of pure reading pleasure.  And the recipes were easy, with only a few ingredients.  (And they always featured a page or two of cooking for one or two, which is great if that's the size of your family.)

We ended up subscribing to a bunch of these Reiman Magazines.  And on a business trip, we even stopped and checked out the home base in Greendale, Wisconsin.

And then, as always happens when something is successful and bucks the trends, they got offered a big pile of money and got bought out.  In this case, to Readers Digest.  It wasn't long before Taste of Home went right down the toilet--IMNSHO.

All the cute, fun, cornball stuff was gone.  Gone were My Mom's Best Meal, and the like.  Everything that made the magazine(s) charming and unique was gone.  They decided to aim at a bigger demographic than just farm wives.  (Hey, I wasn't a farm wife, and I enjoyed it.) It became just another slick magazine and I stopped renewing.  That's why I buy up every old issue of the magazine I can find at yard sales.  Okay,  I now own three copies of some issues, but when you buy them for pennies a copy, what's the difference?

This whole situation reminds me of how Coca-Cola miscalculated when they decided to dump their successful Coke for New Coke.  Consumers let them know in a hurry what a big mistake that was.  Only so far it seems like Readers Digest won this round.  They may have found new readers, but I'll bet they lost a heck of a lot of their reader base, too.

What have you enjoyed that was ruined by improvements?

Does Death Love A Messy Desk?

Yesterday I got my order most recent order from the Mystery Lovers Bookshop.  In it was a book by my friend Mary Jane Maffini:  Death Loves a Messy Desk.  If that title holds any truth, I'm doomed.

I don't know what it is, but I cannot keep my desk clear of junk.  Junk that gets in the way of my getting any meaningful work done.  Junk like a box of safety pins, dental flossers, rubber stamps, stickers, post-it note pads, wooden carvings (they're not junk; my Dad made those and I like looking at them), candy jar, candle and warmer, my sheep (doesn't everyone keep a couple of orphaned nativity sheep on their desks?), an egg timer (for when the cats go out on the enclosed porch in the winter--not that I pay attention and hear it.  Usually they're crawling up the sliding glass doors, their kitty mouths open crying "let us in--it's COLD out here!), a couple of screwdrivers, letter openers, three coffee cups filled with pens and pencils, Purell (two bottles), furniture polish, a LOT of bookmarks, envelopes for mailing, magazines.  And on and on.  And I've got another computer "desk" (well, farm table, actually) in the same condition.  (P.S.  The rest of the house does NOT look like this.  Honest.)

When I want a clear flat surface to work on, I either go into my husband's office next door or seek out the dining room table.

I keep saying I'm going to do something about it, but the truth is, I have nowhere to put all this stuff.  My closet is full of stuff.  Vital stuff.  Like boxes of books, envelopes, padded envelopes, office supplies and an entire shelf just filled with notebooks of my manuscripts, so there's no room to store any of this stuff there.  I'd love to annex Mr. Lorna's office, but I don't think that would go over very well.

The time has come to be ruthless and just start tossing stuff.

Fortunately for me, I'm heading back to the cottage to work on the book.  I'll close the door so Mr. Lorna doesn't have to look at my office while I'm gone (apparently, it gives him the heebie jeebies) and face it when I come back in a few days.

Maybe.

Is there some place in your home you just can't face cleaning?

Nature gone nuts!

We have a problem with our tomato plants.  First, they grew really, REALLY BIG.  This has never happened to us before.  The plants grew so big, they crushed their "little" tomato cages.  We started staking them with thin bamboo stakes, which snapped.  (They snapped under the weight of our bean plants, too).

The plants developed blight, but still they continued to grow big, FAT, tomatoes.  And now, they're all ripening at the same time.  Yesterday I gave a quarter of a shopping bag to my brother for him to split with my mother, but we'll have more ripe by Monday.

This was the first year we put extensions on the heavy bamboo stakes for our pole beans--they cracked under the weight of the plants.  (Which took four plantings before they "took."  They're just starting to produce beans so I'm assuming we'll be inundated any day now.

I picked about 40 jalapeno peppers yesterday.  I was disappointed that only two people entered my jalapeno pepper contest -- and if I get around to it this weekend, I decide which recipe wins.  (Yes, I'm that harried!!!)  The winner will receive a Haven't Got A Clue coffee (or tea or cocoa) mug.

It's been an incredibly HOT, RAINY summer, which is probably why everything has grown so well.  Even the Brussels sprouts decimated by Mr. Groundhog and replanted in pots have made a comeback.  But, whoa!  Can two people ate all this bounty?  Nope, so my mother and brother will reap the rewards.  After all, they both put their tomatoes in the topsy-turvey devices.  End results?  One or two tiny tomatoes, while ours in the ground went ZOWIE!

While it might sound like I'm complaining, I'm really not--just overwhelmed.  Especially since the season started out so badly and things refused to grow.  Heck, I'm already hoping next year to plant even MORE veggies. 

I must be a glutton for punishment.  How about you?

Where did it land?

Yesterday was Wednesday, a day Ive been anticipating and dreading because I'd get to know if Chapter & Hearse made the New York Times Bestsellers list for mass market paperbacks.  If it did--where would it land?

Okay, no more suspense--it hit at #19 -- that's one step higher than Bookplate Special and I am ecstatic! 

My biggest thanks need to go to my readers who bought the book.  You helped put Chapter & Hearse there through your loyalty and trust that I'd come through with another book you'd enjoy. 

Thank you all!

Alas, poor mouse . . .

 There's an old saying, "You don't know what you've got until you lose it."

I have lost my pink wireless mouse.

Well, lost isn't exactly true.  It's sitting here on my desk.  The little red light underneath shines brightly when I pick it up, but ... to quote Star Trek's Dr. McCoy, "It's dead, Jim."

I'm out of town and working on the laptop.  I do not like the mouse device/pad they give you on a laptop.  For one thing, I can never highlight anything with it.  The idea of approaching the
day's work without my wireless mouse is daunting.  But I'm out in the sticks.  Where am I going to find another wireless mouse?  The nearest Walmart is at least a half an hour's drive (if not more).

I have another mouse in my laptop case, but even with new batteries it doesn't want to work, either.

Someone on Facebook told me that dropping a mouse (which I seem to do a lot, thanks for this cute but tiny desk) will kill it.  Um...I think I dropped it three times yesterday.  But I was working along and it just stopped dead.  So I changed the battery (which I've had to do about every three weeks during the summer).

Dead, dead, dead.

Oh well, glad I gassed up the car yesterday, because it looks like Walmart here I come.  Except . . . I think I'm done with wireless mice.  I'm going get one with a wire. 

They seem to live longer.

The day sure got better fast!

I was dreading Monday, August 9th.  For the past three weeks I've had LOTS of time to think about gum surgery.  I broke my bridge back in April.  (Here's the story.)  I waffled for weeks and weeks:  Should I raid my new-car fund and get implants (and hope my car will last at least another TEN years) so I can have some pearly ... um ... not very white new (implanted) teeth, or go for a partial plate, which wouldn't last more than ten years and possibly ruin another crown that would need to anchor the thing.

I went for the implants.  But I don't have to have them done all at once. I did need to have the roots extracted where the crown broke below the gum line, and what remained of a root canal that went terribly wrong.  And have a bone graft. (That was the scary part.)


I've been losing sleep for weeks.  Yesterday was the day. I went there with Mary Jane Maffini's "Organize Your Corpses" in my hand.  (MJ's my friend, and clutching her wonderful book (which I'm in the middle of)  during the procedure was almost as good as having a MJ holding my hand the whole time.)

The worst thing about the whole thing?  The strawberry-flavored topical numb-er.  (Ick.  I loathe strawberries.)  Otherwise, they gave me LOTS of Novocaine.  Fifty minutes later, I was on my way home, with three prescriptions marking the pages of MJ's book. 

I hadn't been home more than fifteen minutes when the phone rang ... with a New York number. 

Hmmm...my editor is in New York. 

I snatched up the phone.  Bingo!  It was my editor--and he had good news!

Chapter & Hearse:  #15 on Barnes & Noble's mass market list. 

Woo-hoo!

Chapter & Hearse:  #1 on Barnes & Noble's mystery MM list!

Suddenly, the day didn't seem all that bad after all.

The Waiting Game Has Begun

Last week I FINALLY got the copyright papers for Dead in Red.  Just a mere TWO YEARS after I filed them. I'd kind of lost track of time and a few months back realized I'd never received them.

If you're a published author with a New York house, you're probably saying, "What copyright papers?"  Most large publishers register their author's books for them.  That doesn't always happen with a small press. (Or in my case a LARGE press with a small imprint.)  So I dutifully filed them back in 2008.  Except I sent them an ARC of the book instead of the REAL book.  They sat on the request for a long time -- until I nudged them, then decided the ARC wasn't good enough and asked me to send 2 copies of the real book.

By this time, the book was nearly out of print.  It's now officially out of print.

Well, not officially.  I was told back in March that if I didn't buy up all the copies, they'd be pulped.  So I did (and can now sell them at considerably less than the publisher.  In fact, $15 less than the publisher--postage included (for media mail)!  (If you're interested click here and scroll down the page.) But I'm not sure of the REAL out-of-print date, and that's where things get sticky.

You see, I have to wait 18 months until AFTER the book goes out of print before the rights revert to me and then I can do with them what I please.  Resell them, reprint the book--or just upload it to Kindle.  (I've had a LOT of requests to upload it to Kindle and Nook.)

I don't own the cover art.  But I do now own the cover stock photo (the red shoe) in anticipation of making my own cover similar to the one my publisher used. 

I'm looking forward to the day when Dead In Red will be available to a MUCH LARGER audience.  Until then . . . I just have to wait.  And so do my readers.

Oooh! I can't believe I wrote it!

Wednesday I blogged about the Booktown Mysteries being on audio.

Well, they arrived.  (Did you hear me whooping it up from coast to coast?)


This is not my first experience with having one of my books on audio.  My first book, Murder On The Mind is also available on audio from Audible.com, Books in Motion, and on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.  (If you're looking for it on CD -- go to Amazon and Books in Motion; Barnes & Noble is selling it as an MP3 file for only $12.40, which is considerably cheaper than Audible.com.)  It's read by Kevin Foley.

Um ... I haven't had the courage to listen to it, although I've had my author copy for well over a year now.  Before I got it, I listened to the sample on the Books In Motion web site.  It's a scene that's very vivid for me--the end of one of my very favorite scenes in the book, so it's a pivotal moment, and I must say an excellent representation of the book. 

However . . . the performer got Richard all wrong, at least in that scene.  He came off as bombastic, when in fact he was extremely worried about Jeff's sanity.  That intonation scared me away from listening to the book.  (So much so, I've never opened the packaging.)  Still, I have had one report that the audio version was good.  (A Goodreads review.)  It made me think I ought to give the audio version a chance.  (And besides, my mother has been nagging me to loan it to her.)

I'd love it if people would find this version of the book.  I mean, in a year I've made exactly $15 in royalties.  (How's a starving author supposed to eat?)


I don't think the audio version of the Booktown Mysteries will have that lack of sales problem.  First of all, the series is many times more popular than my poor Jeff series.  (Pout!  I love Jeff, Richard and Brenda and I'd LOVE for them to find a HUGE audience.)  Cassandra Campbell performs the books. 

As soon as the Fed-X man left yesterday, I ripped open the package and ran into my office to play the first part of Murder is Binding.  Whoa!  It was great--so great, I couldn't believe I wrote the thing!

I found it too distracting to play while I'm working (even on boring stuff like emptying my spam filter--I want to listen rather than work), so I'll be listening to all the books while I do housework and cook (Why do I suddenly have this urge to do laundry, too?) or driving in the car.

I sure hope a whole new audience will find the books.  I was proud of them as books; I'm even more proud of them as audiobooks.

Any chance you'll give them a listen?  (Hint, hint--libraries are the biggest audiobook buyers!)

Itching to get back to work

Launch day for Chapter & Hearse was pretty darn good. I had so many notes from friends and readers that a rather grumpy start to the day turned into all sunshine and smiles.

One of the best things about the day, though, was hearing from my editor.  Like -- about six times!  Mostly it was business related.  In fact, I guess just about all of it was business related.  And the best business of all...he sent me a pencil sketch for the 5th Booktown Mystery, SENTENCED TO DEATH.

Writing a book is like childbirth.  It's arduous and horrible and you hate every minute of it, and then when you finally give birth, the pain is gone and you only have this beautiful baby in your hands and can't wait to show it off. 

That's how it was particularly for Chapter & Hearse, a good deal of it was written in doctor's offices, and through the whole time my Dad was in the hospital/nursing home and dying.  Some days it felt like writing that book saved my sanity.  And it turns out there are funny bits in it.  In more than just a few places, too.

I was so grateful that I didn't get writers block last year.  I delivered Chapter & Hearse on time.  And I even delivered the first Victoria Square book, A Crafty Killing, a couple of weeks early.  And then it came time to write Sentenced to Death.

Good grief!  How could have forgotten how to write a book in the two weeks between A Crafty Killing and Sentenced to Death?  I tried to write every day, but instead of 1250 words (which is my daily quota for 5 days a week), I was lucky to get 1250 In a week!  I was a month late in delivering the book and felt terrible.  I've got just over three weeks to deliver the 2nd Victoria Square Mystery (The Walled Flower), and I'm currently 14,000 words short--and I'm up to my armpits in promotion for Chapter & Hearse and have dental surgery looming over me next week. 

I am determined to make my deadline, and luckily, I know exactly what has to be done to finish The Walled Flower (I have a bunch of notes and it's been simmering on the back burner).  I just need to find the time to sit down and do it.  (I think I'll have to go on retreat to the cottage for the next couple of weeks so I can finish it.)

But getting back to that pencil sketch.  This is the FIRST time I was asked for input on the cover.  I sent a bunch of pictures.  This is the first time I was given a sneak peak at what the cover is to look like.

I LOVE IT!

My editor told me about changes he's going to ask for, and I agreed with them all (it's soooo nice to be on the same page about these things).  And suddenly all the frustration about the book taking so long to write is gone.  I'm only remembering the fun scenes, and there were a bunch of them.  I wish I could share the pencil sketch with you, but I can't--for the same reason I wouldn't want someone reading a first draft of one of my books.  We want you to see the beautiful, finished product.

I won't get to see that completed cover until December, which seems like a long time from now, but I'm so excited about this book--I can't wait.  And I'm so gratified that people really seem to like Chapter & Hearse.  And I so want to get The Walled Flower done because there are only "fun" scenes left to write.  And I'm really psyched about starting the 6th Booktown Mystery in September, Murder on the Half Shelf.

Some days a writer says, "What was I thinking trying to do this job?"  Right now I'm thinking, "I must be the luckiest person on the face of this Earth."

It's a performance -- not just reading aloud

Yesterday morning, I couldn't find the audio versions of the Booktown Mysteries.  I searched site after site and --nothing.  But later in the day I got a Google alert that told me Audible.com had them all.

Weeee! 

Sadly, they're only being offered as MP3 files.  Oh.  Pooh.  I don't have an MP3 player and -- to tell you the truth, do I really want one?  I dunno.  At least, not yet.

So ... I was surprised when I was offered a copy of them burned to a CD.  I'm not sure if it came from my publisher or the production company that recorded the books.  So now I can't WAIT to hear the books performed.  I'm probably going to start with Bookplate Special, because that's my favorite.  But I might change my mind once I hear Chapter and Hearse. 

Anyway, some libraries lend out MP3-based books, so that's one source of listening to them. 

But here's the link to Audible.com.

iTunes


Penguin

eMusic

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

Borders

The above retailers are supposed to have the audiobooks now, but as you can see, I could only find four of the seven places that have them listed.  (Good old Barnes & Noble!!)  I can't wait to actually hear the books being performed.  And yes, that's the proper word, because although I've heard my books read by software (it's a great way to find glitches), nothing compares with hearing an actor give life to the words.  This is going to be a real treat!

KINDLE UPDATE:  I know a lot of people are wondering where the Kindle edition of Chapter & Hearse is -- yeah, so are we.  All I can tell you is that Amazon is being nagged.  Hopefully it'll be up in a day or two.  But in the meantime, there's always the paperback!

Oh, Boy -- Chapter & Hearse Day!

Happy Bookday to me!
Happy Bookday to me!
Happy Bookday, Happy Bookday,
Happy Bookday to me!

FINALLY -- today is the OFFICIAL release day for Chapter & Hearse.
Okay, SOME stores have already been selling it for -- what? -- two weeks?

That's great! (For the bottom line.)

That's bad. Because if there have already been a glut of sales, that means I won't hit the New York Times Bestsellers list.

Okay, the list is icing on the cake. The cake (consistent sales that build) is more important in the long run.

But as a lifelong geek who was always looked down on because she didn't fit the normal role (in school, at work, by some members of my family) because she was starry-eyed and goofy and spent far too much time in la-la land instead of doing stuff like, oh, I don't know--BE NORMAL (and just what IS normal?) the list is like getting on the honor roll at school.  (Which I did ... and it made my Dad proud.  Dad isn't here anymore, but still--I'd like to make him proud of me.)

Okay, enough. If you like Tricia, Angelica, Miss Marple, Ginny, and Mr. Everett and think you MIGHT want to read the book, I hope you'll consider buying it in the next week or so--even if you can't fit it into your reading schedule until later in the year. And if you DON'T like them or the Booktown mysteries . . .

NEVER MIND!

Today is also supposed to be the release of all four Booktown Mysteries as audio books.  I haven't yet been able to track down where or for how much.  (They aren't supposed to show up until the 3rd and I'm writing this on the 2nd.)  I'll update this post if I find out.  (And boy,as a lover of audiobooks, I can't WAIT to hear these books performed.)


And while you're at the store or ordering online, my friend Heather Webber's latest Lucy Valentine novel, DEEPLY, DESPERATELY comes out today, too.  I loved the first in the series (there's a psychic thread throughout the story -- except for Lucy, that is -- that Jeff Resnick's creator just couldn't resist), and can't wait to read this one, too!

And we ate the props!

As I've mentioned before, last year I bought myself a new camera, a Canon Rebel EOS XS.  I love it!  Naturally, most of what I take are grab shots, but I'm actually using it professionally now, too. 

My first "professional" shot with this camera now appears on my web site banner.  (And I blogged about it here.)  And when I needed a photo of antifreeze for my recent book trailer, I figured -- why pay $3 to iStock for it when I could take it myself? (Haven't seen the trailer for Chapter & Hearse?  Click here.)

All I needed was a roll of white "butcher" paper, my camera, picnic table, and a sunny day.  Voila!  Practically professional photography. (Boy, how I wish I had a real set up with professional lights--umbrellas, the works.  I wrote about that in a still-unpublished Jeff Resnick novel ... it might be uploaded to Kindle / Nook one day . . . if Cheated by Death finds true success.  Hey, make it happen.  Order the sucker now, will  ya?  (Hee hee!)

Ahem . . . but, as usual, I digress.

My short story We're So Sorry, Uncle Albert has not been selling well.  When I got the rights back from Amazon Shorts, I uploaded it to Kindle with a cover similar to what they had.  Needless to say, the sales have not been spectacular.  So I decided to change the cover.

One aspect of the story has to do with chocolates.  Bingo!  Who doesn't like chocolates?  I thought about it for a while and decided to do a shot with a box of Russell Stover's creams.  But that would cost me about $10.  Instead, I bought a $1.49 tiny box of Whitman's Sampler and waited TWO LONG WEEKS for the temperature to drop (and the rain to stop falling) so I could use my outdoor studio.

Finally, this was the week.  The temps were only in the high 70s and it was time to take the shot.  Out came the butcher paper, the tape, and the watering can.  (I taped the paper to the can and the picnic table.)  First I shot the box.  Then the four chocolates.  Then Hubby and I took a bite of three of the chocolates and took a bunch of pictures.  I rearranged the candies over and over again taking 26 shots.  Then, we quickly at the props before they melted away.  (Yum.)

Next, we downloaded them onto the computer and pulled them into Photoshop.  We weeded out the best shot (#23) and Hubby made it a vector graphic (stripped out the background).  Next up -- the cover.  We played with it for a while.  Green background (uh-uh), yellow title (nope), pink author name (definitely NOT!).  Here's the finished cover.

Question.  Do you like this cover better than the original and would it make you want to buy the story?

Meanwhile, I can't wait for other opportunities to use my camera.  I love it!

All Things jalapeno!

Okay, it's time for another contest and the criteria is this:

SEND ME YOUR JALAPENO PEPPER RECIPES, STAT!!!

You see, it's like this.  For years I've tried in vain to grow bell peppers.  They just don't like me, my soil, my yard, nothing no way no how.  I only have one recipe that uses jalapeno peppers, and when I buy them locally they're $3.49 a pound!!!  So this year, I bought a six-pack of jalapeno pepper plants for less than $2 and planted them.

"Zowie!" they cried when they hit the soil.  "We like it here!"  And now I'm up to my armpits in peppers with no clue what to do with them.

So, PLEASE, send me your recipes and I'll draw at least one of them out of the hat and send a Haven't Got A Clue coffee mug.  And maybe Angelica will include that recipe in her next Easy-Does-It cookbook!

Results will be announced next Friday.  Good luck!

Whoa! Keep swimming, swans!

Earlier this week, we were down at the cottage, supposedly to work, but somehow that didn't happen.  Walls did not get painted.  Garden did not get weeded.  Instead, I spent the time on emails, Sisters In Crime work, and -- oh yes, too little writing.

Distractions along the way were provided by Mother Nature herself. 

In the last couple of years, we've had swans to entertain us.  The hunters don't like swans.  They frighten away the ducks and geese they want TO KILL.  (Although, I must say that if hunters actually eat the fowl, at least the killing serves a purpose.  Those who kill for sport are about the lowest of the low -- just my opinion.)  The DEC comes around and destroys the swan eggs every spring.  (Gotta keep the money rolling into the state from those hunting licenses you know.)  But one Mom and Pop swan outfoxed them, and not only had an egg escape the DEC, but FIVE of them.

Swans are beautiful, majestic creatures.  And seeing one take off or land on the water is something not to be missed.  They exude a feeling of serenity.  Nature at its best.

So how come every time I come out with the camera, all I get are SWAN BUTTS?

Okay, the swans are hungry. Okay, right off our break wall there's a big patch of lovely, delicious weed that attracts them.  Still, can't they pose for a few shots before they chow down?  And if they have to expose their butts to the breeze, can't they do it facing the other direction?

Noooooo!

And Mama is no more demure than her kids, although I caught her just before her tail feathers were waving in the breeze in this shot.

What's your beef with nature?

Sitting all alone at my book launch

It was just a teeny little mistake.  And in fact it wasn't even a MISTAKE or a typo it was the lack of a space.

See, the other day I emailed my postcards announcing my book launch for Chapter & Hearse.  Because of space limitations on the sticker I placed on the postcards, I typed the following:

BOOKSIGNING: Aug. 5-7pm

Do you anything wrong with that?  I sure didn't.  To me it said AUGUST 5, 7 PM

But one of my readers wrote to me and said, 5-7 p.m. But WHEN????

I have a feeling I'll be sitting all alone at my book launch next week.

Do you think I'm doomed or would you have read it as August 5th, too?


And just for a laugh (because i could sure use one about now), go watch this video by Parnell Hall about his experiences at signings where no one shows up.

Fred: Sleepless in the Summer

My cat Fred has kitty OCD.  Usually he has his "funny five minutes" around 5 p.m.  But for the last two nights, he's been having a "funny FIVE HOURS."

Fred is very vocal.  He loves to talk.  It's cute at 3 p.m.  It's not so cute at 3 a.m.  He squeeks, squawks, brrrupts, and makes every other noise in between.  Our other cats say one or two things.  Not Fred.  Our other cats speak when it's important, like "feed me," or "turn on the bathroom faucet so I can have a drink," or "how about another bag of kitty cookies."  Not Fred.  He talks about everything -- ALL NIGHT LONG.

He likes to chase the other cats, too.  They, however, do NOT like to be chased.  He likes to look at the girl cats because he know it unnerves them. (He learned that from Chester.)

So, after being kept awake for three FULL HOURS -- and jarred from a light doze for another two hours -- Fred is finally tired and is thinking about a nap.  Meanwhile, I'M CRABBY, and I'm likely to be CRABBY ALL DAY. 

Oh, pardon me--must end this post.  Fred has just upchucked his entire breakfast ON THE RUG and we have run out of paper towels.

Good thing I love that cat.

Have you got a bad boy (or girl) in your house, too?

Cheaters!

I'm like an absent-minded professor (without the PhD, that is). I have a very bad habit of losing things.  Mr. Lorna calls it "the drop and go" syndrome.  I'll be carrying something in my hand (glass of water, car keys, glasses, scissors, pens, pencils, camera, purse, and the list goes on and on and on) and because I'm thinking of something else, I'll set it down on my way to somewhere else . . . and forget where I put it.  This means I spend a lot of time looking for stuff.

One of the things I lose the most is reading glasses.  Now, if I only had one pair of them, it would be one thing.  But I have at LEAST six pairs of them around the house.  I keep them any place I like to plop down to read:  The dining room, the living room, my office, the bedroom, the enclosed porch, and the family room.  You'd think that with six pairs I would always have a pair available.

That would work if I didn't wear them on my travels to the kitchen, to answer the door, or wandering around looking for something else.  So I take them off, drop them wherever and keep moving.

To fight the syndrome, instead of becoming much more efficient I've bought four more pair of "cheaters" (reading glasses).  I have no idea where I'm going to put them (there are no safe places--I forget where I put stuff, remember), so it's a fair bet that I'll lose these in no time flat, too.  (I've found if I have a glasses case in a designated spot (like my office or the porch), I'm better at putting them away. 

Guess I'd better go buy some more glasses cases.

How about you?  Do you have drop and go syndrome, too?

A Major Award

Did you notice the "Top Blog Of 2010" award over there on the right?  I was awarded it just yesterday. I was flattered -- there were 45 different mystery blogs that were awarded these little nifty badges.

There was just one thing.  They came with a commercial.  When I loaded the badge, I noticed a link to a website shilling online PhDs.

Wow--I'd LOVE to have a PhD, but only if I earned it.  And while I was quite happy to accept the award, I'm not happy promoting for a company that buried a commercial along with their award.

I know a little HTML -- enough to remove the offending link.  So I'm keeping up there -- to see if I'm contacted about the missing link. (If you'll pardon the pun.)

And if I'm asked to take it down ... I will.  But if I'm not . . .  Hey, how often do I win a major award?

Busy as a Bee

Busy, busy, busy.  I need 48 hours in a day -- just to get normal stuff done, let alone the promotional stuff that needs to happen to juggle three mystery series.

Yesterday I was a guest at the World of Books blog.  Oops -- missed it.  So I'm giving it a plug today.  If you'd like to learn about Jeff Resnick's bumpy road to publication, it's all here.

Yesterday was errand day.  Oops -- forgot to hit the Post Office.  I also finished the revisions on A Crafty Killing (which means the copy edit can't be far behind).

Today is another busy day.  Already I've updated two of my web sites, answered a ton of email, and have saved yet another (or was it the same?) toad from the pool.  This little guy was in dire straits.  He was languishing at the bottom of the pool.  I thought he was already dead, but when I went to retrieve the body, he moved and swam to the top, where he gasped for air and then started to sink again.  Hopefully he's all dried off and will NOT make that mistake again.

My new blinds FINALLY ARRIVED and we're going to put them up.  I've got a radio interview (and I'm not even sure where it's going to play -- but I do know it'll play on August 4th.  A podcast maybe?). And last on the agenda -- yet another visit to the dentist.  (They love to see me and my checkbook coming.)

Tomorrow, I'll jump back into the second Victoria Square book (The Walled Flower).  Yipes!  Only five weeks before I have to turn it in.  And did I mention those 2100 postcards for Chapter & Hearse that need stamps and address labels?

I'm not complaining.  I like busy work.  I just like it to come in smaller waves.

What's keeping you busy today?

I knew the answer before she said it

Yesterday was my 19th Wedding Anniversary.  To celebrate, Mr. Lorna and I went out to lunch at the wonderful little restaurant around the corner from us.  (They make a pretty mean martini there, too.)

Anyway, I've been hankering for a piece of quiche for quite some time and thought -- that's what I'll have.  Mr. Lorna warned me that the quiche of the day would be broccoli and cheddar.  Why?  Because whenever there's a quiche of the day, no matter WHERE we go for lunch, it's ALWAYS broccoli and cheddar.

Now, I happen to be very fond of both broccoli AND cheddar, but for some reason, not in the same dish. Why or WHY do restaurants insist that this is the only quiche that people want to eat?

Is there a glut of broccoli?  If so, I hadn't heard about it (or seen it in the supermarket).  Has something happened to the cheese industry and now they're ONLY making cheddar?  (Hmm...maybe I should warn my friend Avery Aames, who writes the Cheese Shop Mysteries -- maybe her character can solve this mystery.)

As it happens, I had my back-up choice all picked out.  Mediterranean pasta, with artichoke hearts,  kalamata olives, sun-dried tomatoes, and a bunch of other good stuff. 

Eventually our waitress asked the dreaded question:  "Ready to order?"

"What's the quiche of the day?"

"Broccoli and cheddar.  And it comes with a wonderful salad all studded with strawberries and melon."

(Did I mention that I absolutely LOATHE strawberries and melon?)

Then she paused and added as an afterthought, and in a much more quiet voice, like it was an embarrassment.  "Oh, and we also have quiche Lorraine."

BINGO!

It was de-lish!

Is there something you like to order at restaurants but they never seem to have?

It makes a funny sound

There are some subjects one just doesn't discuss much.  Like toilets.  But we've recently been going through a bathroom "refit" and suddenly the subject of toilets became quite important.

Last week was kind of "the week from hell."  I stayed at our family's cottage while the bathroom refit happened.  That way I could do some writing (pipe dream) and be on hand to answer questions about the face lift.  Only it happened to be extremely hot and HUMID, making it uncomfortable for everyone.  (Yeah, where were those lake breezes the entire week?)

From day one, everything went wrong.  Old medicine cabinet also contained a light and a plug.  Light and plug had to be rerouted.  Medicine cabinet was a different shape.  Lots of problems there.  Well, at least we won't have to replace the toilet.

But we did.  Not only did it sweat a lot, but it was cracked.  So hubby bought a new one and brought it down.

That sucker was HEAVY--or at least too heavy for me to lift out of the backseat of Hubby's car.  I left it to the contractors and went back to work.  (Cough, cough.)  A couple of hours later, the guys were ready to leave for the day and asked me to come and look at the work done.  And -- whoa!  What was that tiny (eco-friendly) toilet doing in our bathroom?

"Go ahead, give it a flush!" he encouraged.  So I did. 

Instead of the WA-SHOOM! I was used to hearing, this thing went "Blurt!"

(So that's what I've named it, Blurt.  Hubby calls it toy-let.) 

Blurt's not very good at his job.  Old toilet (which had no name) went about his business (and very well, I might add) with a three gallon tank for at least 30 years.  Blurt's been a pain in the behind in just a week.  You see, Blurt doesn't like to flush anything but water.  Blurt's purpose was to save water, but when you have to flush two--three--or even four times, it seems to be using a lot more water than our old toilet.

I'm going to be watching our water bill to see if we actually do use less (hard to tell, they charge you a minimum whether you use that amount or not).

What eco-friendly things have you found that aren't as good as their predecessors?

And so little time in a day . . .

It seems like it takes forever for a book to be published.  Usually it's 12-24 months.  It's only two weeks and a day until Chapter & Hearse is released and it seems like that isn't going to be nearly enough time to get everything done that needs to get done.

What am I doing?  Interviews, writing blog posts, mailing out bookmarks and bookplates.  Next up are postcards (almost 2000 of them to readers and libraries), which means printing out lots of labels and sticking on lots of stamps.  (Oh, boy--I can watch movies (or at least listen) while I do that and not feel guilty!)

I've also got to update my web sites, and get ready for my book launch (On August 5th at 7 p.m. at the Barnes & Noble in Greece Ridge Center Mall, Rochester, NY).  I'm going to be handing out "goody" bags to everybody who shows up at the launch, so I need to get them ready, too.  (Hmm...what color ribbon should I tie them with? See, I have scads of decisions to make.)

Doesn't this sound like an awful lot of hard, boring work?

It is and ... I LOVE IT!

Some people thought I had the worst job in the world, at my last job in Corporate America, but I actually enjoyed it because there was lots of nit-picky work to be done.  For some oddball reason, I love digging into that kind of work.  So while on one hand I'm feeling overwhelmed (let's not forget, I have a a rewrite to hand into my editor this week, and finish a book by September 1st -- and hand in a synopsis by September 10th), I'm also quite happy to see all the little items on my things-to-do list get crossed off.

What weird stuff do you enjoy that other people might this is boring?

And, Voila! A New Web Site!

A long, long time ago, I hired a web site designer to come up with a charming little web site for me.  That was before I became published.  It didn't have much of a focus because there I was a writer who wasn't published--at least not in novel length.  So I pushed real hard to let people know that I had some street cred.  A whole bunch of short story sales.  The only problem was, most of the stories were sold to a confession magazine (True Love).  Not only that, they don't have "by lines," so no one knew it was me who actually wrote them.

Fast forward several years.  I sold my first novel.  Only it wasn't under my name, it was under the L.L. Bartlett moniker.  Okay, that meant I needed another web site, because I was just sure the book would do well and people would be hungering to search me out.

Nope.  Didn't happen (on either account).

Then in 2006, I got a contract to write the Booktown Mystery series ... the only problem was, it was under a pseudonym:  Lorna Barrett.  The first book came out in 2008 and Lorna needed her own web site.  So now I was juggling THREE of them.

*sigh*

But finally, FINALLY in 2009 I sold the Victoria Square Mystery series to Berkley Prime Crime and at last the first book (A Crafty Killing)  would be published under my OWN Name:  Lorraine Bartlett.  One snag?  The first book wouldn't come out until 2011.  *Yawn*  That's a long time to wait.  And the worst part -- Lorna has a LOT of readers because I've worked very hard to get Lorna's name out there, and had a lot of luck and support from Barnes & Noble and independent booksellers. But how am I going to get the word out that Lorna and Lorraine are the same person?

Well, revamping the old Lorraine web site wouldn't hurt, and with the enormous help of Glass Slipper Web Design, I've done just that, and I'm as proud as a peacock to show it off, too.

www.LorraineBartlett.com is now live.  There are a lot of pages to explore.  I'd love to know what you all think about it?

(P.S. Remember I told you about the picture of the candy jar--well there it is in the banner.  W00t!)

It's the thing on the steering column, buddy

 By Guest Blogger Mary Jane Maffini

Now look here, buddy in the Cadillac Escalade: if you can afford that car, you’d think you’d be smart enough to signal when you plan a sudden turn. Just sayin’ as I scrape myself off the dash. Unless you think you are above the law because you’re sitting so high up there. Guess you can afford the lawyer.

And as for you, mister with the hat. Are you really choosing to drive 35 in the 55 zone because you are safety conscious? I’m not buying that. Sooner or later, one of the ten cars behind you is going to make a break for it and try passing, safe or not. Think loud bang noises. I suppose you’ll shake your hat head disapprovingly. But never mind that. What’s actually bugging me about you (and I have lots of time to think about it because I’m stuck doing 35 in a 55 zone) is that you haven’t figured out what to do with that little stick thingie on the left hand side of your steering column. Here’s a hint: it’s called a turn signal. Turn. Signal. When you move it up or down, it will cause the appropriate signal light on your vehicle to indicate, well, turns.

I know. What a sensational new notion! As you might suspect, it is to indicate that you are going to turn shortly, say at the next intersection or into the driveway coming up.

Sorry. I couldn’t help yelling at those people. They just get to me. Then, there are the folks who use their signal to mean ‘Hey, look at me! I’m in the process of turning this second!’ Some of them like to let us know that they have already turned by giving us a couple of blinks. ‘Hey! Look where I just went!’

Or the ladies who come to a complete stop before making that turn. Sometimes in the middle of the road. As if they had no idea where they’d head off to next. Me? I had to stand on my brakes the last time. Really, that’s not what the little stick is about. It’s to give people information. When used correctly it can prevent collisions and near misses. Imagine my surprise when a confused gentleman changed lanes three times today and didn’t signal a single one. Shoulder check? I think not. I spotted a couple of drivers give him the finger but I guess he didn’t notice. He didn’t need to signal. He knew where he was going.

Maybe he’s grandpa to buddy in the backwards baseball cap driving the ancient souped-up Supra who just shot across four lanes of traffic at a right angle from the fast lane to get to the off ramp. Apparently there’s no need to signal there, because when you’re crossing four lanes of highway well above the speed limit, it should be obvious that you’re heading for the off ramp. Or with luck the nearest lock-up.

My friend Sue had an ancient auntie, Helen (a retired librarian a woman of strong opinions) who drove in a small Ontario town and refused on principle to use her turn signals. It’s none of their business which way I’m turning,” she continued to say as long as she was able to drive. The roads are a bit safer since she took that opinion to the great beyond. But I argue that where other drivers are going IS my business, not only because I missed a lovely green light due to someone else’s last minute turn, but because I have a life too, you know. I’d like to hang on to it.

So this summer, don’t make the rest of us peevish and if you see this license plate, make sure you signal!

Now that I have that out of my system, let’s hear from you. What annoys you most about the folks you meet on the road?
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Mary Jane Maffini writes three (count 'em!) mystery series. They are: The Fiona Silk Mysteries, the Camilla MacPhee Mysteries, and the fabulous Charlotte Adams professional organizer series from Berkley Prime Crime. As it happens, Mary Jand has a new book out this month called CLOSET CONFIDENTIAL. You can get it (and the others in this series) at your favorite chain bookstore -- and many independents. Or just click on this link and order it online. Check out Mary Jane's website. You can also find her on the Killer Characters blog every 14th of the month. (Hey, that was just the yesterday!)