Just another way to go crazy

Several months ago, Amazon started sharing Bookscan numbers with authors.

According to Wikipedia:  Nielsen BookScan is a data provider for the book publishing industry, owned by the Nielsen Company. BookScan compiles point of sale data for book sales.

Bookscan doesn't track ALL books sold, but it can give you an idea of what and where you're selling.

Of course, like the Amazon rankings, it can drive you crazy as you watch your numbers go down every week.  (On Amazon that's good.  On Bookscan that's bad.)

The Jeff Resnick books have been available for well over a month now, and they've suddenly shown up on Bookscan.  I hadn't been expecting this.  So far 9 copies have sold.  That means that BOOKSELLERS are selling copies of the books!!!  I'm astounded and extremely happy.  (I just wish the numbers were a heck of a lot better.)  Most of my sales have been from Amazon, which don't show up on Bookscan.  And since I lowered the price to $11.95 (just a week ago), they've been selling quite a bit better.

(So if you've been holding off--quick!  Go buy copies of the books.  Do it now.  We'll wait.)

Sentenced to Death comes out in four weeks.  It'll be interesting to see if the sales of the rest of the Booktown Mysteries pick up.  (And why doesn't Bookmarked for Death sell as well as the other books in the series???)

Okay, I admit it, I'm a numbers freak.  I love my spreadsheets and I work on them every day.  It's fun.  It's frustrating.  It's anal.  But I do it anyway.

What do you do that's fun, frustrating and anal?

To Tweet or not to Tweet--that is the question

If everybody I know tweets, how come they haven't found me and I haven't found them on Twitter?

Okay, I admit it.  I just don't get Twitter.  I mean, I've been on it for like two years, and I don't get it.  I've even taken an online class about it and still haven't picked up the intricacies.

I use Tweetdeck, which seems a lot more coherent than just a plain Twitter account, and this way I can coordinate my various personas.  Nice.  But what am I supposed to tweet?

And it seems like almost all my followers are other authors.  We're all telling each other about our books and not selling any of them.

I find people who tweet constantly to be a real PITA and I unfollow them as soon as possible.  I mean, do I need to know every time they burp or take a sip of Diet Coke?

I'm not saying I'm going to pitch Tweetdeck any time soon, but I don't even log on every day.

If you use Twitter, what do you think the greatest benefit is?

BTW, if you WANT to follow me, I'm @LornaBarrett @LorraineBartlet @LLBartlettbooks

There's no place like home!

I'm home at last after being away for six days and five nights . . . and all I can say is "There's no place like home."

Am I sorry I went away?  Heck no!  I loved seeing my friends, meeting readers, and talking with my agent and editor.  But it's too bad you can't just beam in for the festivities and beam back home to your own bed at night.

I love to go out to lunch, but I like eating breakfast and dinner at home.  Going out to eat for all three meals of the day gets tiresome.  And the portions at restaurants are way too big.  As a kid who grew up cleaning her plate, it's hard to leave something behind, but I'm learning.

"Being on" is very tiring.  I was working on the outline for a new story (that may never see the light of day), so I could retreat to my head on various occasions when things got to be too much.  And since I NEVER work from an outline, this was a new experience.  At least if I never finish the story, I know how it ends!

Weather can be your friend when it's nice, and your enemy when it stinks.  I had stinky weather on the trip home.  Continuous rain and some pretty nasty fog.  So much fog, that I pulled off I-90 and drove the back roads until I was far enough away from Lake Erie that the fog had dissipated.

There is no place like home.  After being on the road, I pulled up the driveway and saw my cat Fred's little face peering through the front door to make sure it really was me.  *Sniff*

Okay, so I now have no plans to travel again until next April for the next Malice Domestic conference.  That makes me sad . . . I like the journey and I like the destination . . . I just hate the travel home.

What's your favorite part of a trip?

(P.S. As soon as I download my pictures, I'll post them on my Facebook page.)

Coffee Klatch!

About once a month my friend Pat and I get together for coffee.  Of course, I don't drink coffee--but she does.  (I usually have hot chocolate.)

Pat and I are both authors and we talk business.  So far every time we've gotten together we've managed to fill three hours with just business talk.

What kind of business talk?  Selling books.  Selling print books.  Selling e books.  Graphic design.  Business cards. Writing.  Not writing.  Wanting to write different things.  Promotion.  Yada, yada, yada.

Now I'm sure many people would be bored silly listening to us go on, and especially for three hours, but when you're starved for conversation about your job, and how you accomplish all elements of it, it's fun and exciting.

Today is coffee talk day.  I can't wait!

Do you have a friend you meet with for coffee (or hot chocolate)?

Open wide!

Every six months I go to get my teeth cleaned. I learned the hard way that if you don't, problems develop.  Big EXPENSIVE problems.  (After I lost my dental insurance, I didn't go for two years?  Big mistake.  I estimate I've paid $15,000 since.)

I hate getting my teeth cleaned.  For one thing, no matter how much I brush them, I'll be told I didn't do it right.  I'll be scolded because there tartar on some back tooth which is nearly impossible to reach with a toothbrush, or a the crooked tooth on the side where tartar builds up in the spot that the brush can't reach.

I have been praised for my excellent flossing, but I must confess that it's not me it's my dental flossers that have turned the tide on plaque.  Regular floss (even the unshreddible kind) splits and shreds and it got stuck in my teeth and was more trouble than it was worth.  And then I was introduced to flossers.  I keep them on my work desk and when I think about it (about 4-5 times a day), I floss.  Win-win situation!  (My dentist admits she keeps them in her car and flosses at red lights.  It drives her kids nuts.)

What fun thing are you doing today?

Anybody need some ham?

The days of big family dinners are gone due to the fact that I don't have much family left.

And so Easter came around.  There were just three of us and we wanted a nice Easter ham.  Of course we waited too late to go in search of a ham and the smallest one we could find was 8.24 lbs.

EIGHT POUNDS OF HAM???  What were we thinking?

But we bought it and cooked it.  "We'll each eat two pounds of it for supper, and then you'll only have two pounds of leftovers," my mother said.

Um...sure.

Actually, after dinner Mr. L cut off most of the spiral ham and put it in a gallon freezer bag and popped it into the fridge.  I put the HUGE bone (which still had a lot of meat on it) in two freezer bags and popped it in the freezer.  (Boy am I glad we have that little chest freezer in the garage.)

So, I figured we could eat ham sandwiches, and I could make myself a few western omelets.  I'm not a fan of split pea soup, but would love to hear other recipes that where a ham bone can be used.

Got any to share?

Reserve one room at the mental institution, please

E Books are the way for mid-list authors to become millionaires.  That's what I keep hearing.

So what am I doing wrong?

Wednesday Lee Goldberg (who I have mega admiration for) said:  "any midlist author who signs another pissant three-book contract with a NY publisher (or any publisher) should check themselves into a mental institution right away."

Well, I just did sign such a contract--and for a nice chunk of change, too.  Not nearly as much as Barry Eisler just turned down.  (Did you hear, he turned down $500,000.  YES, all those zeroes are correct.)  The books I'm contracted for won't be available until 2013, 2014, and 2015.  By then maybe I will have looked like a fool for signing, but I don't think so.  Will the publishing world be drastically different in three years?  There's a good possibility it will.

Lee also said:  "It's actually possible for an author nobody heard of to become a millionaire within just a matter of months. I'm not exaggerating. Everyone talks about Amanda Hocking...but perhaps the most astonishing success story of all is John Locke. (*snip*) Locke earned $126,000 on 369,000 sales on Amazon in March alone. That's a huge uptick from the 75,000 he sold in January and the 1300 he sold in November.  John Locke went from selling 1300 books to 369,000 in four months. Holy. Shit."

(You can find the whole blog post here.)

Lee has done very well with Kindle.  He has a huge backlist and, despite a busy career as a TV and movie producer, he's also a prolific author.

Meanwhile, I have put up 7 short stories and 4 novels and I'm not seeing anything like the kinds of sales Lee is seeing.  : (

Despite great reviews, and a very small but enthusiastic audience, my Jeff Resnick books have not taken off.  Instead of hundreds of thousands of sales a month (per title) I'm not even seeing hundreds of sales per book.

Sour grapes?

Yes.  Not so much for me, but for my series.  If I hadn't believed in my characters, I wouldn't have written four books and (so-far) two short stories about them.

I've received reviews from Library Journal and Booklist, and have rave reviews from readers on Amazon and Barnes&Noble.com.

I believed I could do better when it came to finding readers than my former (small) publisher, and so I followed in Lee's footprints and put them up on Kindle, Nook, and Smashwords (for distribution to other e sellers). So far, success has eluded those books.

(Man, those grapes are really SOUR!)

In the last few weeks I've:

• sent out over 2000 postcards to readers and librarians
• sent an e newsletter to over 4500 readers (although only 1675 opened it)
• offered the first book in the series for 99¢ in hopes that it would find new readers (so far it has, but not all that many), and encourage people to go looking for the other three books.

I'm at my wits end trying to figure out how this series can find a new audience.

Any ideas?

What's with the weather?

I live in a part of the US that has four distinct seasons.  Except they aren't.  Distinct, that is.  Winter eases into spring, eases into summer, eases into fall, eases back to winter.

Right now we're a month into spring and the weather doesn't know what the heck it wants to do. (Maybe that's why I like spring least of all.)  It can be rainy, snowy, windy, sunny all in one afternoon.  Or it can be incredibly hot.  Eight years ago we went to a wedding on March 30th and it was 82 degrees.  The next day it snowed.

The calendar says it's spring, but my furnace will probably be chugging along every night right into June.  (One year we were still running it into early July.)

Once summer finally arrives in July, it keeps going into October.  I like that.  Warm days, cool nights, right into mid-October.  Winter--forget it.  Ick, Ick, Ick for months on end. And then we're back to spring and the weather doesn't know what it wants to do again.

So, what's your favorite season?  And do you have a beef to share today?

Chester the Dusting Cat

Many people have pets that do tricks.

Our cat Chester dusts.

That's right.  At least he WANTS to dust.  That must be the reason that any piece of cloth not nailed down (and usually smelling of Pledge) gets picked up and moved around the house.

I'll get up in the middle of the night to get a drink and there will be a dust cloth in the middle of the hall.  Just like the one I found yesterday.  (I left it there until morning so I could take this shot.)



Of course, as a "wool eater," Chester is obsessed with anything made of fabric.  Kitty toys, dust cloths, dish towels (he's even hauled full-sized bath towels around, and for a small cat, that's a lot of work).

Chester's work is never done.  When he's not moving cloth objects around, he watches birds, annoys girl cats, takes leisurely kitty baths under a 200 watt light bulb, or jumps on my lap to rub his wet yucky nose on my hand or stand on my keyboard and disrupt my typing.

Yes, he's a busy boy.

And we wouldn't have it any other way.

What interesting thing does your pet do?

I'll miss you, little soap dish

So there I was, typing along, and I heard CRASH! and then the words, "Uh-oh!"

I like old things.  A few years back we ripped out the 1960s double sink in our bathroom, put in an antique chest as a vanity, and gave our contemporary bathroom a little charm from yesteryear.  (See, the cats seem to like it.)

Two of the accessories on my bathroom vanity are antique soap dishes.  Yes, two.  Hubby likes milled soap and I like glycerin soap.  (Although I like his soap, too.  I switch back and forth.)  His soap dish was bought at a flea market in Maine.  It's got pink roses.  Mine was bought at a yard sale in Pultneyville, NY.

Oddly enough, when I bought both of them (years apart) they each came with "sister" soap dishes.  Three of each.  Since I was a vendor in an antiques arcade, I sold the other four, and these different soap dishes have lived quite happily on the vanity.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday was the day the cleaning ladies came.  And they just happened to have two new recruits who were learning the ropes.  Guess who broke one of my soap dishes?

Ya know, there are terrible things happening in this world on a daily basis.  The aftermath of the earthquake in Japan, war in how many countries.  Little kids with no medical care.  A broken soap dish is not a big deal, but for some reason it put me in a funk.  The soap dish wasn't even valuable.  I only paid a dollar for it.  But I loved it!

Later, I told my mother about it and she said.  "You can have one of my soap dishes."  As it happened, years ago I had bought her a brown transferware onion patterned soap dish.  You see, my mother has blue onion dinnerware.  (Guess what?  So do I!  I searched for years for a dish pattern I liked and finally Mr. L said--well, what would you REALLY like, and I said, "My mother's dishes."  Duh!  I got my own set!)





I'm still a little sad about my broken soap dish (today is garbage day--goodbye china chards), but in a few weeks the new one will feel like it's been there for ages.  And it does go rather nicely with the rest of the decor.

By the way, the cleaning lady felt terrible and apologized profusely.  What an awful thing to happen on her very first cleaning job.  I hope the rest of her day went better.

So, what silly thing in your house would you miss if it broke?

Gone like the wind

Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you I tend to lose things.  Glasses, keys, and especially papers.

I keep a folder of address and other stickers.  Since this folder is made of clear plastic, it should be easy to spot it among the rest of the stuff littering my office.  And yet, I seem to have lost it.  It has stickers three different types of stickers for my P.O. Box (well, I am writing under three different names).  Stickers for the Cozy Chicks.  Stickers for the various book series I write.  Air Mail stickers.  Local Author Stickers.  Do-you-want-signed-bookmark stickers that I add to postcards for libraries and bookstores.

All these many many sheets of stickers and they're gone.  Poof!  Without a trace.

I spent well over an hour searching my file cabinets, every pile of paper in the office, looked in boxes, under furniture.  They are gone, Gone GONE like the wind.  (I'm thinking I may have accidentally put them in the recycle pile.  Tomorrow's garbage day, I'll go through the bin before the trash guys arrive.)

I feel like the absent-minded professor . . . always forgetting where I'm going (to the kitchen, looked around puzzled go back to my office--then remember why I went on a quest), get easily distracted, and losing stuff (usually because I set it down somewhere and then can't remember where I set it down--because I'm distracted).

This is getting really OLD.

Do you do the same thing?

Facing the Blank Page

Between one thing and another, I haven't worked on the new book IN TWO WEEKS.  Now I find I have laptop fear.  Or at least fear of approaching the laptop and staring at the blank Word page and nothing coming out.

Okay, I actually have been thinking about the WIP while I've been up to my eyeballs in other things, so I do have one ... maybe two scenes I could attack today, but what about tomorrow?  Sunday?  Fuggetaboutit.  I'm going to a baby shower in the afternoon.  Whenever I have some kind of event on the calendar, I can never seem to fit writing into that day.  I know, it's stupid.  (Sunday's aren't my most productive day, anyway.)

Next week I really have to catch up, because the week after I have two more "events," plus need to pack for the Malice Domestic conference. Yay!  I already have an appointment with my agent, will get to talk to my editor at least three times (in person), and will see all my friends.  (Double YAY!)  Not forgetting that I get to interact with readers, too.

My nerves are shot just thinking about it all -- but, it's fun excitement, too.

And still ... the WIP is hanging over my head.

So, what's on your agenda for the day?

P.S.  I'm over at the Killer Characters blog today, with a post about Bound By Suggestion.  Come on over and make a comment (or two!).

What a way to blow a diet!

Today is Mr. L's Birthday!  (Happy Birthday!!!)

Mr. L is usually a pie man, and I've made him cherry pies, lemon meringue pies, and even a key-lime pie for his natal day celebration.  But this year he requested a coconut cake.

It just so happens I have a decadent recipe that I included in one of my Booktown Mysteries (Chapter & Hearse).  This is no diet cake.  (Which is too bad for us, because we're on diets.) But it is fabulous.  Here's the recipe.

Coconut Cake
3 cups sifted cake flour (sift before measuring)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter, room temperature
1 pound powdered sugar
4 egg yolks, well beaten
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup shredded coconut
4 egg whites, well beaten

Measure the sifted cake flour into a bowl. Add baking powder and salt. Sift these ingredients at least 2 times. In a mixing bowl, cream butter, and gradually add sugar. Continue creaming until light and fluffy. Add the beaten egg yolks and beat well. Add flour mixture alternately with the milk, beating well after each addition. Stir in coconut and vanilla. Gently fold in egg whites. Bake in greased 8-inch pans at 350° for about 30 minutes, or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean.  Makes three 8-inch layers.

Coconut Icing
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 ½ cups confectioners’ sugar
1/3 cup coconut milk, room temperature*
1 ½ teaspoons vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups sweetened flaked coconut

(*You can substitute regular milk for the coconut milk, but also substitute coconut extract instead of vanilla extract.)

Using an electric mixer, beat butter in large bowl until smooth. Add sugar, coconut milk, vanilla, and salt. Beat on medium-low speed until blended, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Increase to medium-high and beat until light and fluffy.

Frost cake.  Gently press coconut onto the sides of the cake, and sprinkle the top with coconut, too.

Serves 6-8
 

That's not how you beg a favor . . .

Yesterday I got a note from a wanna-be writer.  Coincidentally, one of my best cyber friends got one, too.  Leann's note was from a young girl who had written TWO PAGES of her first book and wanted a LOT of advice on how to write and finish her book.  After TWO PAGES.  From her Facebook page, she appears to be a teenager.  So ... Leann can be a bit more forgiving.  (Although when she turned the girl down, she wasn't in the same mood.)

The one I got was a bit different.  The woman jumped right in and said, "It appears that you are a successful author as well as a cat lover."

Well, I'm no Nora Roberts, but three times on the Times list, yeah, I'd say I'm doing okay.  But that's not my beef.

Here was a person who apparently had a finished writing a book she wants to send to an agent.  But ... that first sentence told me a lot.  First, she never addressed me by name.  Second, she's never read any of my work.  Third, she wants me to give her the names of 10+ agents.  Lastly, she didn't sign her note.  I only know a woman wrote the note because her name is part of her email.

So, how does one handle these kinds of notes?

First, I'm always tempted to use the opportunity as a teaching moment.  Only in this case, I'm irked enough that the note might be harsher than it needs to be.  Starting out with something like "What were you thinking, turkey lips?"  But then I'd be just as unprofessional as she is.

Nope, in this case I employed the delete key.

Here's another time I (and just about every author I know) will employ the delete key.  It's a note that starts out:  "Our school (library, disease-of-the-week, glee club, sanitation department) is having an auction fundraiser and we would love one (or more) of your signed books."

Nowhere in the note will the hopeful fundraiser mention my work or my name(s).

I used to be a sucker and send a book.  Now?  Nope.

It's not that I don't care about schools and libraries--I do, passionately.  But I don't have hundreds of free books lying around the house.  My publisher gives me a few and I do give them away, but anything else I have--I have to buy.  Just because they're made of paper doesn't mean they grow on trees.  I receive a couple of these notes EVERY week.  There's no way I could afford to help them all.  (And that postage mounts up, too.)  And if these hopeful fundraisers can't even use my name, that means they've gotten my name from a list and are sending out blanket emails just hoping for a hit.  A little like telemarketing. I'm not a big fan of telemarketing, either.

I give to charity.  A lot.  Every time I get a royalty check I send money to at least three charities.  Yesterday I wrote out three and there's another on my list for today. I've already given money, and now that my royalties have come in for last year, I'm going to send some more to the Red Cross Japan Relief.)

I guess I should have written this for yesterday and Pet Peeve Thursday.  Oops a day late.

What do you think of these kinds of notes and the motives behind them?

Aren't they gorgeous?

Sunday was a good day.  I got lot accomplished.  I also went to the store and, oh!  Look what I bought!


I've been wanting another/more orchid(s) since I got my little miniature one after Christmas. (That was a bargain at $2 . . . these were slightly more.  A lot more slightly.)  But aren't they gorgeous?

Now to see if I can keep them alive and have them bloom again.

I'll keep you posted.

Happy Book Day To You!

The first Tuesday of the month is always special when it includes book launches by some of my favorite people--my friends.  Today's launches include:

The Cat, The Lady and the Liar by Leann Sweeney
(Book #3 in the Cats in Trouble Mystery Series)

Cat quilter Jillian Hart finds a gorgeous stray cat belonging to the fabulously wealthy Ritaestelle Longworth, who believes she's being drugged. Before Jillian can get to those charges, a body turns up in the lake-and her cat Chablis finds Ritaestelle nearby. Can Jillian's cats aid her in solving a mystery with decades old roots?

Available from:

Amazon   ~  Barnes & Noble  ~  Independent Bookstores
The Book Depository

As an E book:  Kindle ~ Nook ~ Sony E Reader ~ Kobo ~ Diesel





The Busy Woman's Guide to Murder by Mary Jane Maffini
(Book #  in the Charlotte Adams Mysteries)

Mona Pringle, the local 911 operator, is calling Charlotte Adams with her own emergency: Serena Redding, a high school mean girl" who used to torment Mona, is coming back for a reunion. When Mona talks about how good it would feel to kill Serena, Charlotte doesn't believe she means it. But when a woman who looks like Serena is killed in a hit- and-run, and another former mean girl is also run down, Charlotte realizes she needs to look both ways for the now-missing Mona.

Available from:

Amazon  ~  Barnes & Noble  ~  Independent Bookstores

 The Book Depository.com

As an E book:  Kindle ~ Nook ~ Sony E Reader ~ Kobo ~ Diesel

An Uninvited Ghost by E.J. Copperman
Book #2 in the Haunted Guesthouse Mysteries

Alison and her resident gumshoe ghost are on their next case when the deceased Scott MacFarlane floats in worried that he accidentally killed a prominent local woman. Turns out she's still alive...that is, of course, until she's murdered-in Alison's house. Now, between the demands of her guests and the arrival of a reality television crew, Alison must find the killer before she sees reality from the other side.

Available From:

Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble  ~ Independent Bookstores ~ The Book Depository.com

As an E Book:  Kindle ~ Nook ~ Sony E Reader ~ Kobo ~ Diesel

Happy Reading!

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

I've always been fascinated with the expression "burning the candle at both ends."  Usually it's applied to people who are not only workaholics, but who are playaholics, too.  And they get very little sleep.

Heck, I've gotten very little sleep most of my life, so that's nothing new.  But lately my work day has been been stretched to the max. And play?  What is play?

I'm usually at my computer by 6 a.m. doing SOMETHING.  Answering email, reading emails.  Tagging other people's ebooks (and print books), Retweeting about somebody's ebooks (and print books). I recently went through a whole twitter course online, but more often than not I feel like I'm Tweeting to other writers instead of finding new readers.

(But if you want to be my twitter pal, I'd love it!  I'm tweeting as:  @LornaBarrett  @LorraineBartlet and @LLBartlettbooks.)

I don't get to my laptop to start writing until at least 10 a.m. (and more often than not, it's more like 1 p.m.) where I attempt to get my daily word quota.  Have missed it more often than not lately, but I've been getting close to it, so I'm making progress on Victoria Square #3 (which is still in dire need of a coherent plot--but that's what happens when you don't work from a detailed outline.  It'll all fall together eventually.  It always does.)

Every day I work on promotion of one kind or another, and this month it's gearing up for Malice Domestic and the Cozy Chicks goody bags I mentioned a few days ago.  Whoa--I'm really starting to get worried about this.  I don't have one piece of that puzzle and might not for two weeks.  That's cutting it really close.  Drop dead date is going to be April 16th. If I don't have it, it ain't going in.  (And I have to go to a baby shower on the 17th -- so that kills a good chunk of the day.)

I actually have to give a speech at a fancy country club to a reading group this month, too.  Why did I take the gig when I knew I was going to be overloaded?

And lately I've spent 90 minutes in the early evenings working on special Kindle projects and then spending the last two hours of the day inputing said writing (or rewriting) into the manuscript(s).

I am accomplishing a LOT, and that's a high in itself, but I'm also getting tired.  Not physically tired--MENTALLY exhausted.

I am sooooo looking forward to the summer and relaxing at the family cottage.  The only problem is, I seem to have forgotten how to have fun or relax.

Got any pointers?

Insult my State -- You Insult Me!

by guest blogger E.J. Copperman

It's one thing to have to listen to the "what exit" jokes and be asked if I knew any of the Sopranos. But what's going on now in the long history of disrespect to my home state is beyond the pale.

Seems there's a guy who used to work for a ritzy fashion house in Manhattan (of course), and due to issues I can't comment on intelligently, was being demoted by his company. He suffered the horrible fate of a transfer to manage high-end stores in--brace yourself--New Jersey. And he just couldn't take it.

So get this: He's suing the company for two million dollars. Because they made him work in New Jersey.

I'm asking you.

I have lived in the Garden State all my life. I like it here (although I must confess that when I mentioned that to a friend's teenage daughter last week, she laughed and said, "WHY?"). I find the people intelligent, witty, interesting and entertaining. We are not a bland lot of people trying desperately not to be noticed. We have every possible type of natural environment short of a tundra. We have beaches (like the one where my Haunted Guesthouse Mystery series is set), mountains, fields, wetlands, drylands, pine barrens and yes, some pretty gritty cities (try saying THAT three times fast!).

Transfer to my home state, pal, should cost YOU.

Among this pretentious whiner's complaints: apparently, we have smog in New Jersey (and they don't in New York City?). Our drivers are not up to his discerning standards (which probably translates into: He didn't know how to navigate a traffic circle or a jughandle like a regular person). Our fashion is simply not up to snuff. This all caused him (and I'm not using his name because I believe he's doing this to get his name mentioned) "emotional distress" to the point that he's seeing a psychiatrist (he was probably the last Manhattanite who WASN'T) and taking Zoloft (see previous parenthetical expression).

We Jerseyans put up with a lot. The toll system on our roads is designed so that you have to pay to get out, but it's free to get in. There's a sign at the Pennsylvania border that reads, "Pennsylvania. America Starts Here." We have been the butt of more jokes than Charlie Sheen.

But a $2-million lawsuit because somebody had to come here and work for a nice salary? No. Get out of the way, pal, there's somebody from New Jersey who can do your job at least as well and not complain about the indignity of having to drive on Route 4.

And the next time New Yorkers brag about their "mental toughness," simply refer them to this post. Please.
============================
E.J. Copperman's delightful Haunted Guesthouse Mystery series is set on the lovely Jersey shore.  E.J.s latest installment in the series, AN UNINVITED GHOST, will be published on Tuesday, April 5. (Did you miss the first one?  Night of the Living Deed?  If so--rush out to get it now.  It's WONDERFUL!!!)
Visit E.J.'s website and blog.

Incoming Treasure . . .

Every day I listen for the sound that always sends a thrill through me:  the sound of the mail truck.

Sometimes there's wonderful treasure in the mail.  Most of the time, however, Mr. L. walks right in with it and stops at the recycle bin, and then there's NOTHING to delight in.

For the past couple of weeks all kinds of wonderful stuff has been arriving in the mail and via UPS.  Here's a partial inventory:

144 shot glasses
1,025 "buttons" (advertising books--not all of them mine)
2,500 postcards
10,000 bookmarks
50 cookie cutters
candy (I did not count the actual pieces)

And then there's the usual treasure trove of catalogs and magazines.

But the author swag above is mostly Cozy Chicks stuff.  I volunteered (and I must have been out of my everloving mind) to do the goody bags for the upcoming Malice Domestic conference and the Librarian Tea in Oakmont, PA (prelude to the wonderful Festival of Mystery put on by the Mystery Lovers Bookshop, this year on May 2nd).

There are so many boxes on my guest bed that it has disappeared.  How am I going to get all of this stuff in the back of my minivan and still have room for my luggage?  (And I don't travel light.)

Well, I find out -- just about a month from today, in fact.

BTW, the Cozy Chicks are planning on giving away author swag AFTER The conference to a lucky few people.  They'll be announcing it after the conference.  (The first week in May.)  It'll look something like the above photo. But we've got new, improved (much prettier) bookmarks this time out.)

So, guess what I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks?

Hurry up, Spring

I don't know about you, but Spring isn't happening fast enough for me.  The forecast for the week is Cold, Cold, Cold, and more Cold.

Okay, I live in Western NY and we're not known for tropical breezes -- at least not until July, but come on Mother Nature, toss us a crumb.  I'll happily take 50 degree days and 32 degree nights.  No more of this 20s crap -- DURING THE DAY.  And get rid of that wind, too, will you?  It makes that 27 degrees feel like 10.

One good thing, even though it was 20+ all day yesterday, the snow was melting, thanks to Mr. Sun.  (Or at least it was evaporating.  Anyway, it's going away. Again.)

I know I'll be complaining in July and August that it's too hot.  But right now, I'd like to lose the long underwear and put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

How many more months until June?

Get Me On Willy's Bus

At least once a week, someone on Facebook will ask me when I'm going to come to their town for a book signing.

When the Booktown Mysteries started to do well, my agent asked me about doing a book tour.  Knowing what that entails (FLYING -- and usually on little regional carriers, you know--puddle jumpers), I told her up front that I am a CHICKEN.  I do not fly.  I always was a nervous flyer and during 911 I was across the pond in Scotland.  The next ten days were nerve wracking.  I don't even know how they got me on that plane because I was not sedated.

I have never flown since.

But, book tours mean flying. No can do.  Not negotiable.

She said if my publisher really wanted me to tour, they'd hire me a bus.  (I'm so gullible, I didn't realize she was kidding.)

I mentioned it to my editor.  He laughed.

Well, I don't drive anywhere that takes more than an hour to get there.  Why?  I fall asleep at the wheel.  My designated driver (Mr. L) is not enthusiastic about leaving the cats for an extended period of time.

And still people ask me over and over again:  "When are you going to come my city?"

Here's the answer.  Convince my editor that I need a tour bus.  Like Willie Nelson has.  (Sans pot. And I guess I don't need one quite that big.  How about a Winnebago?)

Go on, I dare you!

Inconsiderate Drivers

Last week we had a couple of days of spring--before spring officially arrived.  Temperatures in the 60s gave people the idea that it was time to break out the sunglasses, shorts, sandals, and sun screen.

Not quite.

Yesterday we had a 12-hour snowstorm.  There were lots of accidents on the roads because of it, one involving a school bus full of handicapped children.

Why all the accidents?  Because people suddenly forgot how to drive in winter.

Actually, they didn't forget.  They were in such a hurry they decided that while everyone else around them was driving carefully, they didn't have to and could go the speed limit (or above).  They could continue to talk (or WORSE YET TEXT) on their cell phones.  They could put on make-up, eat that burger, or just plain not pay attention to the road conditions.

Consequently, it tied up a lot of police officers, firemen, EMTs, and ambulance drivers, as well as delaying traffic, causing health care and insurance rates to rise.

I did have to go out in that mess, but I was home before the worst of the snow hit. I also saw the aftermath of an accident that put the fear of Mother Nature in me.  I stayed home for the rest of the day.

What is wrong with people that they think THEY don't have to use common sense when the weather turns nasty?

And what's bugging you today?

NOW AVAILABLE: Bound By Suggestion (Jeff Resnick Mystery #4)

I've waited a long time to be able to announce that Bound By Suggestion is now available as an e book.

Look at that cover.  Isn't it brilliant?  It was done by my friend Pat of Pat Ryan Graphics.

Here's a brief description:

In exchange for helping her unlock the emotions of a disturbed young woman, psychiatrist Dr. Krista Marsh promises to cure Jeff Resnick's recurring headaches via hypnotism. Things start out rocky and quickly get worse when both the young girl and the doctor begin to manipulate Jeff. Soon he's experiencing the young woman's emotions and can't tell where hers leave off and his begin, and Krista has other reasons for ingratiating herself into Jeff's life. Meanwhile, Jeff's brother Richard is vying for a chairman seat on the hospital's fundraising board. Two seemingly unrelated events that suddenly converge with deadly results.

It's currently available for $2.99 from:

Kindle   Nook

Smashwords.



The trade paperback edition will be available in about a month.  I'll let you know when that happens.

So ... what do you think?

I'd like a bagel right now!

The long saga of my dental implants is just about over . . .

Today I was supposed to get my crowns -- but I got a call last Monday from my dentist's receptionist saying: "They're ready now and we've had a cancellation.  Wanna come in?"

You bet!

Of course, what should have taken ninety minutes blossomed into a four-hour ordeal . . . but we won't go there.  Suffice to say I CAN CHEW!!!

I had planned to celebrate by buying a bagel.  Um . . . haven't gotten around to that yet.

It still feels weird to have two teeth where for nearly 11 months there were none.  It's a bit hard to floss between them, but so far so good.

Was it worth the two surgeries, the dozens of appointments, and the thousands of  dollars?  (Let's just say Mr. L and I could have gone to England on the Queen Mary II for what this cost.)

Maybe.

Would I do it again?

Probably.  (And not drag my feet for three months making the decision.)

And how goes the chewing?

Just fine!

Getting a little ahead of myself . . .

There isn't one traditionally published author alive who hasn't felt s/he could've done a better art direction job than our big NY publishers.  (For the most part, I'm pretty happy with my Berkley Prime Crime covers--especially for the Booktown Mystery series.  But there have been a couple I would've made rather extensive changes to.)

One of the best things about self-publishing your own work is you get to play art director.  Okay, my first attempts were pretty lame, but thanks to eavesdropping on discussions on good cover presentation, and the marvelous covers my cover designer has made for my Jeff Resnick books -- I think I'm getting better at it.

Here's the cover for my latest short story, a sweet romance called Are You Lonely tonight.  I got input from my friends Ellery Adams and Leann Sweeney, and my graphic designer husband put it together.  What do you think?

It's Available On/From:

Kindle

Nook

Smashwords

(And did I mention it's only 99 cents?)

I'm currently working on a new Jeff Resnick short story.  I figure I'm only halfway done writing it, but I got so cranked up by it I went looking for pictures to illustrate it.  Here's what Mr. L and I came up with.

I allowed myself all of last week to catch up on stuff (a quick rewrite, and some other work that needed completion) so I'm back on the WIP (the third Victoria Square Mystery) which means that working on the short story is relegated to the evenings.  But I hope to have the story available in a couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, do you like the cover?  Would it make you want to read the story?