Insult my State -- You Insult Me!

by guest blogger E.J. Copperman

It's one thing to have to listen to the "what exit" jokes and be asked if I knew any of the Sopranos. But what's going on now in the long history of disrespect to my home state is beyond the pale.

Seems there's a guy who used to work for a ritzy fashion house in Manhattan (of course), and due to issues I can't comment on intelligently, was being demoted by his company. He suffered the horrible fate of a transfer to manage high-end stores in--brace yourself--New Jersey. And he just couldn't take it.

So get this: He's suing the company for two million dollars. Because they made him work in New Jersey.

I'm asking you.

I have lived in the Garden State all my life. I like it here (although I must confess that when I mentioned that to a friend's teenage daughter last week, she laughed and said, "WHY?"). I find the people intelligent, witty, interesting and entertaining. We are not a bland lot of people trying desperately not to be noticed. We have every possible type of natural environment short of a tundra. We have beaches (like the one where my Haunted Guesthouse Mystery series is set), mountains, fields, wetlands, drylands, pine barrens and yes, some pretty gritty cities (try saying THAT three times fast!).

Transfer to my home state, pal, should cost YOU.

Among this pretentious whiner's complaints: apparently, we have smog in New Jersey (and they don't in New York City?). Our drivers are not up to his discerning standards (which probably translates into: He didn't know how to navigate a traffic circle or a jughandle like a regular person). Our fashion is simply not up to snuff. This all caused him (and I'm not using his name because I believe he's doing this to get his name mentioned) "emotional distress" to the point that he's seeing a psychiatrist (he was probably the last Manhattanite who WASN'T) and taking Zoloft (see previous parenthetical expression).

We Jerseyans put up with a lot. The toll system on our roads is designed so that you have to pay to get out, but it's free to get in. There's a sign at the Pennsylvania border that reads, "Pennsylvania. America Starts Here." We have been the butt of more jokes than Charlie Sheen.

But a $2-million lawsuit because somebody had to come here and work for a nice salary? No. Get out of the way, pal, there's somebody from New Jersey who can do your job at least as well and not complain about the indignity of having to drive on Route 4.

And the next time New Yorkers brag about their "mental toughness," simply refer them to this post. Please.
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E.J. Copperman's delightful Haunted Guesthouse Mystery series is set on the lovely Jersey shore.  E.J.s latest installment in the series, AN UNINVITED GHOST, will be published on Tuesday, April 5. (Did you miss the first one?  Night of the Living Deed?  If so--rush out to get it now.  It's WONDERFUL!!!)
Visit E.J.'s website and blog.

Incoming Treasure . . .

Every day I listen for the sound that always sends a thrill through me:  the sound of the mail truck.

Sometimes there's wonderful treasure in the mail.  Most of the time, however, Mr. L. walks right in with it and stops at the recycle bin, and then there's NOTHING to delight in.

For the past couple of weeks all kinds of wonderful stuff has been arriving in the mail and via UPS.  Here's a partial inventory:

144 shot glasses
1,025 "buttons" (advertising books--not all of them mine)
2,500 postcards
10,000 bookmarks
50 cookie cutters
candy (I did not count the actual pieces)

And then there's the usual treasure trove of catalogs and magazines.

But the author swag above is mostly Cozy Chicks stuff.  I volunteered (and I must have been out of my everloving mind) to do the goody bags for the upcoming Malice Domestic conference and the Librarian Tea in Oakmont, PA (prelude to the wonderful Festival of Mystery put on by the Mystery Lovers Bookshop, this year on May 2nd).

There are so many boxes on my guest bed that it has disappeared.  How am I going to get all of this stuff in the back of my minivan and still have room for my luggage?  (And I don't travel light.)

Well, I find out -- just about a month from today, in fact.

BTW, the Cozy Chicks are planning on giving away author swag AFTER The conference to a lucky few people.  They'll be announcing it after the conference.  (The first week in May.)  It'll look something like the above photo. But we've got new, improved (much prettier) bookmarks this time out.)

So, guess what I'll be doing in the next couple of weeks?

Hurry up, Spring

I don't know about you, but Spring isn't happening fast enough for me.  The forecast for the week is Cold, Cold, Cold, and more Cold.

Okay, I live in Western NY and we're not known for tropical breezes -- at least not until July, but come on Mother Nature, toss us a crumb.  I'll happily take 50 degree days and 32 degree nights.  No more of this 20s crap -- DURING THE DAY.  And get rid of that wind, too, will you?  It makes that 27 degrees feel like 10.

One good thing, even though it was 20+ all day yesterday, the snow was melting, thanks to Mr. Sun.  (Or at least it was evaporating.  Anyway, it's going away. Again.)

I know I'll be complaining in July and August that it's too hot.  But right now, I'd like to lose the long underwear and put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

How many more months until June?

Get Me On Willy's Bus

At least once a week, someone on Facebook will ask me when I'm going to come to their town for a book signing.

When the Booktown Mysteries started to do well, my agent asked me about doing a book tour.  Knowing what that entails (FLYING -- and usually on little regional carriers, you know--puddle jumpers), I told her up front that I am a CHICKEN.  I do not fly.  I always was a nervous flyer and during 911 I was across the pond in Scotland.  The next ten days were nerve wracking.  I don't even know how they got me on that plane because I was not sedated.

I have never flown since.

But, book tours mean flying. No can do.  Not negotiable.

She said if my publisher really wanted me to tour, they'd hire me a bus.  (I'm so gullible, I didn't realize she was kidding.)

I mentioned it to my editor.  He laughed.

Well, I don't drive anywhere that takes more than an hour to get there.  Why?  I fall asleep at the wheel.  My designated driver (Mr. L) is not enthusiastic about leaving the cats for an extended period of time.

And still people ask me over and over again:  "When are you going to come my city?"

Here's the answer.  Convince my editor that I need a tour bus.  Like Willie Nelson has.  (Sans pot. And I guess I don't need one quite that big.  How about a Winnebago?)

Go on, I dare you!

Inconsiderate Drivers

Last week we had a couple of days of spring--before spring officially arrived.  Temperatures in the 60s gave people the idea that it was time to break out the sunglasses, shorts, sandals, and sun screen.

Not quite.

Yesterday we had a 12-hour snowstorm.  There were lots of accidents on the roads because of it, one involving a school bus full of handicapped children.

Why all the accidents?  Because people suddenly forgot how to drive in winter.

Actually, they didn't forget.  They were in such a hurry they decided that while everyone else around them was driving carefully, they didn't have to and could go the speed limit (or above).  They could continue to talk (or WORSE YET TEXT) on their cell phones.  They could put on make-up, eat that burger, or just plain not pay attention to the road conditions.

Consequently, it tied up a lot of police officers, firemen, EMTs, and ambulance drivers, as well as delaying traffic, causing health care and insurance rates to rise.

I did have to go out in that mess, but I was home before the worst of the snow hit. I also saw the aftermath of an accident that put the fear of Mother Nature in me.  I stayed home for the rest of the day.

What is wrong with people that they think THEY don't have to use common sense when the weather turns nasty?

And what's bugging you today?

NOW AVAILABLE: Bound By Suggestion (Jeff Resnick Mystery #4)

I've waited a long time to be able to announce that Bound By Suggestion is now available as an e book.

Look at that cover.  Isn't it brilliant?  It was done by my friend Pat of Pat Ryan Graphics.

Here's a brief description:

In exchange for helping her unlock the emotions of a disturbed young woman, psychiatrist Dr. Krista Marsh promises to cure Jeff Resnick's recurring headaches via hypnotism. Things start out rocky and quickly get worse when both the young girl and the doctor begin to manipulate Jeff. Soon he's experiencing the young woman's emotions and can't tell where hers leave off and his begin, and Krista has other reasons for ingratiating herself into Jeff's life. Meanwhile, Jeff's brother Richard is vying for a chairman seat on the hospital's fundraising board. Two seemingly unrelated events that suddenly converge with deadly results.

It's currently available for $2.99 from:

Kindle   Nook

Smashwords.



The trade paperback edition will be available in about a month.  I'll let you know when that happens.

So ... what do you think?

I'd like a bagel right now!

The long saga of my dental implants is just about over . . .

Today I was supposed to get my crowns -- but I got a call last Monday from my dentist's receptionist saying: "They're ready now and we've had a cancellation.  Wanna come in?"

You bet!

Of course, what should have taken ninety minutes blossomed into a four-hour ordeal . . . but we won't go there.  Suffice to say I CAN CHEW!!!

I had planned to celebrate by buying a bagel.  Um . . . haven't gotten around to that yet.

It still feels weird to have two teeth where for nearly 11 months there were none.  It's a bit hard to floss between them, but so far so good.

Was it worth the two surgeries, the dozens of appointments, and the thousands of  dollars?  (Let's just say Mr. L and I could have gone to England on the Queen Mary II for what this cost.)

Maybe.

Would I do it again?

Probably.  (And not drag my feet for three months making the decision.)

And how goes the chewing?

Just fine!

Getting a little ahead of myself . . .

There isn't one traditionally published author alive who hasn't felt s/he could've done a better art direction job than our big NY publishers.  (For the most part, I'm pretty happy with my Berkley Prime Crime covers--especially for the Booktown Mystery series.  But there have been a couple I would've made rather extensive changes to.)

One of the best things about self-publishing your own work is you get to play art director.  Okay, my first attempts were pretty lame, but thanks to eavesdropping on discussions on good cover presentation, and the marvelous covers my cover designer has made for my Jeff Resnick books -- I think I'm getting better at it.

Here's the cover for my latest short story, a sweet romance called Are You Lonely tonight.  I got input from my friends Ellery Adams and Leann Sweeney, and my graphic designer husband put it together.  What do you think?

It's Available On/From:

Kindle

Nook

Smashwords

(And did I mention it's only 99 cents?)

I'm currently working on a new Jeff Resnick short story.  I figure I'm only halfway done writing it, but I got so cranked up by it I went looking for pictures to illustrate it.  Here's what Mr. L and I came up with.

I allowed myself all of last week to catch up on stuff (a quick rewrite, and some other work that needed completion) so I'm back on the WIP (the third Victoria Square Mystery) which means that working on the short story is relegated to the evenings.  But I hope to have the story available in a couple of weeks.

Meanwhile, do you like the cover?  Would it make you want to read the story?

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Boy do I look forward to St. Patrick's Day.  Okay, so they don't make a big deal out of it in Ireland, and they don't eat corned beef and cabbage.  Well, we do.

It's hard to find a corned beef that isn't ginormous, but we try.  And in addition to the beef and cabbage, we add carrots and potatoes.  Yum, yum.

But best of all, we have Irish Soda Bread.  It's the only time of the year we make it, and we always make it together.  Over the years we've tried several recipes and tweaked them.  This is the final result. I hope you like it!

Irish Soda Bread
4 cups all-purpose flour
¼ cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1½ cups buttermilk
¼ cup corn or canola oil
2 teaspoons caraway seeds
1 cup golden raisons
1 tablespoon milk


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Foil-line a baking sheet, lightly grease.

In a large bowl, stir the flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt together.  In a separate bowl, beat the eggs, buttermilk, and oil together.  Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and pour in the buttermilk mixture.  Add the caraway seeds and raisins.  Stir until a soft dough forms.

With floured hands, shape the dough into a large ball on a lightly floured board or waxed paper.  With a sharp knife, make an X across the top of the dough.  Place the dough on the prepared baking sheet.  Brush the top with milk.  Bake in the center of the oven until golden brown (30 to 40 minutes).

Serve warm with butter.

(P.S.  Tastes grand with a glass of Irish Whiskey.)

Sping?

Look what came up in my yard!!!


The first snowdrop of spring.  Weeee!  It's really going to happen!  (Although not quite soon enough for me.)

I know some of you live in places where the spring flowers are already in bloom or -- heaven only knows -- done for the season!  What is it you like best about spring?

My Kingdom for A Cinnamon Roll!

This diet is driving me nuts. I'm dreaming about all the foods that are BAD for me.

This morning I awoke with one thing on my mind:  Cindy's Cinnamon Rolls.

You see, a new franchise just opened up at the mall down the road and . . . well, it's been at least two years (maybe three) since I had one.

But, I'll be good and NOT rush to the mall this morning.  I'll have yet another English muffin squirted with I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.

What're you having for breakfast this morning?

A Starbucks Moment . . .

No time to blog this morning -- having coffee with a friend.



The only problem is -- I don't drink coffee.  Do I get tea or do I have hot chocolate?  Decisions, decisions.

What do you order when you go out to Starbucks?

And the diet drags on . . .

I've been on a diet for more than 6 weeks now. The first 2.5 weeks were on Atkins. I really don't know if I lost any weight because our scale died.

That was not good. Before it died it blurted that I had not only regained the 2.5 pounds I thought I'd lost, but gained another 1.5 pounds. Then we bought a new one almost a month ago. When I got on it, it said I had lost five pounds that the other one had said I'd gained. I like that scale MUCH better than old one. (We tossed the old one in the trash and did not even wish it well in it's new afterlife at the Millseat Landfill.)

So ... new scale is telling me I'm losing weight VERY SLOWLY but steadily and all because of . . . Iceberg lettuce.

Do I need to remind you how BLAND iceberg lettuce is?  The only thing that makes it paltable was adding one hard boiled egg.  (I LOVE hard-boiled eggs.)

I've been experimenting with different light dressings and so far Wishbone Lite French is the best.
Meanwhile, I've been dreaming about SWEETS.  Cake, cookies, scones, even roasted carrots.  But I'm determined to lose weight so Mr. Iceberg is my friend.

Sort of.

What do you think is the best diet food that will satisify someone who is REALLY hungry?  (And remember, I'm eating for three.)

 and L.L.

Still Juggling Projects

I spent the weekend in Jeff land.  (When I'm writing a Booktown Mystery I'm in Tricia land, and for Victoria Square, in Katie land.)

There was a lot of cussing in Jeff land.  Now I know why so many people refer to Word as WORD (spit!).  I had problem with the old find and replace.  Sometimes it jumps the gun or changes the curser from replace to find, and if I hit the REPLACE ALL I can be in real do-do in nothing flat.

I was in real do-do about five times over the weekend.  Grrrr.  Word (spit!).  (It's ennough to drive one to drink.)

I finished my rewrite on Bound by Suggestion and now it's time to finish going over the copy for the Trade Paperback edition of Dead In Red.

I was going to hold back and NOT offer Dead In Red as a paperback because I have three cases of the book in hard copy (which I'm selling on my website for less than Amazon or Barnes and Noble will sell), but I can't seem to get the message out there.  So I guess I'll just hope that there are collectors out there who will eventually find that I have first edition copies and will want them. (I couldn't bear to think of the publisher pulping (destroying) them so I bought them all up.)

I should be done with that today, and then I just have to wait for the cover.  Unfortunately my cover designer is so popular, I'm on a waiting list.  (Maybe I should stop telling people about her--but she's sooooooo good and I'm sooooo happy with my covers . . .)

I also spent a lot of the weekend thinking about future projects.  I have yet another Jeff Resnick book sitting on the shelf, but I stole elements of it and used them in Dead In Red.  Now to figure out NEW elements.  I have four days to play with everything before I have to get moving on the next Victoria Square Mystery.
I feel very lucky to have so many projects on my plate, but it's hard to pick and choose what to work on.

And speaking of the Jeff Resnick Mysteries, as part of SMASHWORDS Read An EBook Week, I'm offering all three of the books at a 25% discount.  (Such a deal!  A mere $2.24 each!)  You can find the sale here.  The coupon code is RAE25.

REMINDER:  Today I'm guest hosting THE CRIME SCENE Facebook page from 11 a.m. until noon Eastern (US) Time.  I hope you'll come on over to visit me and ask questions.  Or come to see me fall on my butt if nobody else shows up to ask questions.  We can talk about cooking, gardening or JUNKING!!!

Hope to see you there!

Me, me, it's all about ME!

I get asked to do a lot of interviews and stuff for blogs.  I like that because it's easier to answer questions than to come up with something new and fresh.  Heck, it's difficult to come up for something new and fresh six days a week for this blog and the Cozy Chicks on Saturdays.

Today I'm guesting on my agent's blog:  Bookends LCC - A Literary Agency.  This is "speed dating for authors'" where she asks her clients 5-6 questions and you answer them.  Fun!!  (Well, it's supposed to be.  I don't know that I came across particularly funny/witty.  Anal old me, I tend to answer questions in a pretty straight-forward fashion.)  But I'm grateful for the exposure and hope someone will be inspired to read on (or more) of my books.

Monday I'm to be the first Guest Host on the Berkley Prime Crime-Signet (that's my publisher) THE CRIME SCENE Facebook Page.  It's a great place to talk about cozy mysteries on Facebook.  The page has just gotten off the ground and they'd like to have 2500 LIKES by March 14th.  I'd like them to have 2500 Likes by March 7th -- That's Monday -- when I'm the guest host.

I'll be hosting from 11 a.m. until noon (MONDAY, MARCH 7th, Eastern Daylight Time) and you can ask me any question on my writing, cozy mysteries, whatever.  (Ask me about Star Trek even -- but not Deep Space Nine.  I never got into that version.)

I'm the first one to host the page and I'm worried that nobody will show up and that I'll be sitting here at my computer staring at the screen and nothing will happen.  (My editor will be sitting there watching his screen, too--which makes me doubly nervous.  I feel like a school kid who wants to make her teacher proud.)

So, if you're not doing anything on Monday, PLEASE come and visit me on the Crime Scene Facebook page.  (I'll give a reminder on Monday, too.)  They'll be giving away books!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I will be eternally grateful!!!

Thank you!

(P.S.  That's me and Fred, my tiny son.)

Don't Pick On Me--Or Anybody Else, Either!

by guest blogger Ellery Adams

My father went to high school in a rough area of New Jersey. He was a skinny nerd and quickly became the target of a bully and his gang of followers.

In class, this bully would prick the back of my dad’s neck with a thumbtack, warning him that if he ever “squealed,” he’d get the beating of his life.

My dad believed him.

As the days passed, he just couldn’t take it anymore and he decided, even if it meant getting the beating of his life, to confront this bully. He went after him in a hallway where there would be lots of witnesses, deliberately acting as crazy as he could, and paid for his recklessness with more bruises than he could count. But after that, the bully left him alone, in search of easier prey.


When I was in the 3rd grade, a girl named Ingrid used to steal our lunch money in the Girls’ bathroom. One day, my best friend refused to give it to her and this girl, who’d been left back two times and was therefore much bigger than your average third grader, slammed my friend’s face into a wall of lockers, giving her a bloody nose. I jumped on Ingrid to stop her from hurting my friend further and that’s when the teacher came in. We all got suspended and Ingrid continued to steal lunch money for the rest of that year. She went on to be a terror in middle school.

I know that bullies are usually insecure, self-loathing individuals. Once upon a time, they were simply the biggest and meanest, but in today’s schools they are harder to spot. They use text messages and emails to wound their peers, deliberately trying to ruin another student’s life. Even in the adult world, we face bullies. We’ve seen them at work, at sporting events, and on the highways.

In my recent release, A Deadly Cliché, I write about how bullying can mutate the darkness inside a person, drawing forth ugly responses and a desire for revenge. Wouldn’t it be something if our every day bullies had been put in their place from those first days at elementary school and not allowed to grow into monsters?

Do you have any experience with bullying?
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Ellery Adams writes the Books By The Bay Mysteries.  The first book, A Killer Plot, and her latest release (just this week!) is A Deadly Cliche.  Ellery is a woman of many talents--and many names, too.  If you haven't read her other books, now's a good time.  She also writes as Jennifer Stanley (The Hope Street Church Mysteries) and as J.B. Stanley (The Supper Club Mysteries and the soon-to be re-released Collectibles Mysteries).

She also blogs every Thursday with The Cozy Chicks.

Things you can do when you're not on deadline

It's amazing the things you can do with your time when you're not on deadline.

Yesterday, I took my car in to get the lock on the hatch door fixed. It's hard to load the groceries in the back of the minivan when you can't open in.  I also spent 90 minutes in the dentist chair.  Those those little expenses sure made my Amazon earnings for the month look like babysitting wages.  But .... in three weeks I will be able to chew a bagel!

I felt sufficiently happy to accompany Mr. L out to lunch.  A two-martini lunch.  (One each!  We toasted Bound By Suggestion, the 4th Jeff Resnick book which I hope like hell will be available next month -- should the rewrite and new cover come out well.)  A couple of hours later, I picked up my minivan and went shopping.

Weeee!  Shopping!  Okay, I went to the Salvation Army Thrift store (and bought two plates for $1.40) and the Dollar Store (where I bought loot bags for the Cozy Chicks goody bags for Malice Domestic and a couple of bars of soup), but it was shopping just the same.
Today not only will I go grocery shopping (and this week can open the back of my minivan to load in the groceries and 25 lb bag of cat litter), but we MIGHT even go to the MOVIES (to see The King's Speech).

All these marvelous things can be done without guilt when you're not on deadline.  And you can watch Star Trek episodes in the middle of the afternoon, too!!!
Tomorrow it's back to work on Bound by Suggestion and then I have to start Victoria Square #3.  But whoa--two days off in a row.  I could (and better not) get used to it!

What what things can you do when you don't have to be at work?

Ready, Start Reading!

Ever since I read the first Books By The Bay mystery last summer (A Killer Plot) by Ellery Adams, I've been eagerly awaiting the sequel.  Today I wait no more.



While walking her poodle, Olivia Limoges discovers a dead body buried in the sand. Could it be connected to the bizarre burglaries plaguing Oyster Bay, North Carolina? At every crime scene, the thieves set up odd tableaus: a stick of butter with a knife through it, dolls with silver spoons in their mouths, a deck of cards with a missing queen. Olivia realizes each setup represents a cliché. And who better to decode the cliché clues than her Bayside Book Writers group?

I've already downloaded it to my Kindle -- Can't wait to start reading it!

You can get it in print:  Amazon ~ Barnes & Noble

Or as an E Book:  Kindle ~ Nook